Why We're Here

Prep School Admissions
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<p>I am grateful and happy that long timers on this board share their views. As a self-identified long timer, I am not ashamed to admit that I get pleasure from participating. I am not a rich man (in dollars) and I view the chance to share my perspectives on Thacher as a way of giving back to the School, which was (and remains) a real joy for me. Most especially, I appreciate the service of ALL the long timers who spend time sharing their insights into boarding school life. If you were new to the process, there is not a better place to begin your research.</p>

<p>Exie is one of our oldest, most prolific posters. I don’t agree with everything that she says, but I largely find myself nodding my head when I read her posts. There is a tremendous amount of value a newbie could gain by reading her thoughts and I hope very much that she continues to participate.</p>

<p>Alden – I don’t know why Exie rubs you the wrong way as much as she does, but I don’t think that your reaction is shared by many parents on this board. You are definitely entitled to push back on matters of substance or style, but it might be worth reconsidering whether you are overreacting. On boards like this, people often use words differently, or choose a bad word, or make a bad point. None of us post “gems” every time pen goes to paper.</p>

<p>Seven, when you emerge from your Lenten burrow, you don’t mess around! And for those just joining CC, Seven’s post called <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1174214-one-family-s-bs-search-application-process-start-finish.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1174214-one-family-s-bs-search-application-process-start-finish.html&lt;/a> is one of the best ever.</p>

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<p>Thacherparent: I know that I value information I have received on this board – from many sources and from posters (old/new/student/parent). I choose to take what I need and give back what little I can. I find that 90-95% of what I read here is helpful in some way to me. The rest I ignore, but am grateful nonetheless for all input - “helpful” or not.</p>

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<p>I’m going to use my 100th post to make a simple plea: Exie come back.</p>

<p>Not for all the times we’ve agreed on something, but for the few times we didn’t. :)</p>

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<p>+1 to PhotographerMom (again) … :-)</p>

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<p>The Exie-Alden conflict is, to my mind, a lesson in the nature of confrontation. </p>

<p>It’s an art form, and to be good at it requires practice, patience, self-restraint, examination of your own motives, and dispassion. </p>

<p>If you have a problem with either the content of a person’s postings or their delivery of it, then addressing it must be couched in diplomatic, non-threatening, non-hostile, pro-growth terms.</p>

<p>Your goal when confronting someone cannot be to just let them know how much they annoy you. That gets no one anywhere. It’s an emphatically non-growth model. </p>

<p>The goal has to be constructive. The goal is to get someone to see their “misbehavior,” and then cease to engage in it. To grow, in effect. </p>

<p>Because confrontation is, in essence, bringing bad news to someone, it has to be handled with kid gloves. </p>

<p>If you find someone’s tone to be brusque, abrasive, imperious, dismissive, etc., then I think the way to convey your criticism is to say something like “I see that you’re a long-time poster, and your enthusiasm to help others here is wonderful, and I agree with much of what you say. But sometimes I think there might be a better way to put things.” </p>

<p>You are not going to effect change in the person you’re confronting (again, that must be your goal) if you come at them with the baseball bat of your long-simmering irritation with their behavior. You’re going to get their back up the minute they see the baseball bat and they’re going to shut down and dismiss anything you say. </p>

<p>And then there’s next-level thinking of confrontation, which is remind yourself that you may not be right. Many confronters hate confrontation because they dread the delivery of the bad news to the other person. What many never stop to think about is that their complaint – the bad news they dread delivering – is specious. That’s always a shocker. Have you ever confronted someone and they come back at you with an opinion that throws your dissatisfaction in a whole new light? I have. The confronter becomes the confrontee, in some sense. Keep that in mind, because if you go into confrontation with the idea that “I need to set someone straight” you might be setting yourself up for a very uncomfortable reality check. Humility and fundamental kindness are the key to many things – but perhaps nowhere more so than confrontation.</p>

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<p>+1 to Escribiendo</p>

<p>I do hope Exie comes back.
I’ll take it was April fool’s CC thing.
I find her posts helpful and balanced.</p>

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<p>Great post Escribiendo, but I got this-</p>

<p>Exie: Is a BS interview an audition or a two- way street? </p>

<p>You know this is unfinished business between us and I’m going to sit here in front of my computer with my arms folded until you convince me my kid had a ball attached to his nose when he interviewed at boarding schools. Come on, Exie. I’ve got a lot of stuff to do today and I’m waiting…</p>

<p>It’s going to be this or I’m going to start threads like: Why researching a Boarding School is akin to shopping for a couch. </p>

<p>And that’s not helpful to anyone. It’s your call.</p>

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<p>@Photomom start a new thread with the question…surely she can not resist, if that doesn’t work I’m going to ask for advice as an URM… but I will wait to play that trump card.</p>

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<p>@PhotoMom - I got a pm from her, she wants you to check your settings to see if your account is enabled to receive private messages.</p>

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<p>Thank you! Hope I’m not in touble :)</p>

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<p>Not at all :)</p>

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<p>@london203- Why do I feel like we’ve been through something together?</p>

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<p>Maybe we have! It is hard to tell on an anonymous chat board. LOL At any rate, we ARE going thru something together now!</p>

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<p>To answer OP’s question, I’m here to gain information and share my experience (hoping to help others). Why else would I be here, if my time can be better spent else where? </p>

<p>I believe we be all better served if we merely focus on facts (however limited they might be) and minimize opinions. Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion but wouldn’t it suffice to let it be known once or twice. People here are quite intelligent and they quickly get it. While it is tempting, satisfying or irresistible, one becomes a proselytizer by repeating one’s opinion again and again.</p>

<p>It’s sad to see Exie leave, especially on 7Dad’s come-back-from-Lent thread. While I don’t agree with many of their opinions, I appreciate their life experiences and I’d readily admit that I’ve been helped a lot by the information they shared. Also, what’s the point to come here and read other people’s thinking if they happened to have the same ideas as mine? I’d rather be else where then. Diversity of opinions IMO is what makes CC interesting.</p>

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<p>Sharing - When I read the newspaper, I always read the opinion section as well as the news. Sure, I know George Will will always be conservative and Rachel Maddow will always be liberal, but I like to know how they’re processing the news. I’m open to being persuaded by a great opinion I hadn’t considered, or maybe hadn’t considered well enough. </p>

<p>So, I disagree with a “just the facts” diet. I like both: steak and sizzle. Remember also that an opinion often voiced by Exie or any one of us may very well be an opinion heard for the first time by a new user. If I went back and looked at all your posts (which I’m not going to do), I’d wager a small amount of money that you asked questions that have been repeatedly asked and answered before. Many long time posters urge new users to research their questions before asking them, but very few do. That seems to be the reality!</p>

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<p>Just to clarify, I was not objecting to having and sharing opinions. Hopefully, I made it clear in my post. The question was how many times it has to be repeated to make a point clear. IMO, once or twice (twice, in case it might not have been delivered well) is enough. It ceases to be a conversation if one party keeps saying the same thing over as if nothing was heard in return, and vice versa. </p>

<p>Don’t care much for what Mr. Will says, but I’m a big fan of TRMS and listen to it everyday. I too am interested in learning about how she processes daily news but have to confess that sometimes I feel sick when I realize that I hear the same thing over and over again. Thanks God, we also have TAL and Fresh Air! :)</p>

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<p>Never in a million years do I believe Exie will leave this forum due to baiting from the likes of Alden. She’s weathered much worse with grace. If she leaves, it will only be because she has nothing more to add, and I doubt she’s there yet.</p>

<p>On another note, I will say that I don’t think anything has surfaced on these boards in the past year, maybe longer, that has not already been discussed at length in the archives. There is nothing new under the BS sun. I’m for NEVER starting a redundant thread, always resurrect an old one and add your .02. That way, old wisdom is not lost, and the archives do not become difficult to search. If I were the moderator, I’d combine all redundant threads and rename them by their general topic (like What to bring to BS, Should I opt for laundry service, Andover vs. Exeter, How important is the interview?, How do you communicate with your BS child?). You get the idea; one thread for each general question, not thirty threads asking the same thing. When I first found CC, I went to the last page on each board and started reading oldest-to-newest. By the time I caught up, I was much wiser and could see that I did not have much new to add.</p>

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<p>@SharingGift:
My own “broken record-ness” stems from the fact that every year, we get a crop of new to the site prospects — many of whom have preconceived notions that may or may not be accurate about the relative merits of various schools.</p>

<p>I can almost guarantee that come August 2013, there will be some folks new to the forum who ask for recommendations on good “second tier” safety schools or who ask about the likelihood of Harvard matric out of Andover.</p>

<p>I think the #1 thing I want new kids/parents to know is that — in general — chances of admission at one of the super selective schools is low. That isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact based on the very low admit rates of these super selective schools, which are often the most popular/famous/prestigious ones. And to apply exclusively to the most selective schools is to risk getting zero acceptances come March 10th.</p>

<p>Of course what a kid/family brings to the table matters a lot, and there have been kids who have “run the table” at all the super-selectives. But those are few and far between.</p>

<p>I also advocate considering some of the “hidden gems”, for few reasons…</p>

<p>First, were it not for the advocacy of people like ops, Winterset (not that SPS is “hidden”, but it wasn’t on my short list), and ThacherParent, I would never have invested any time getting to know the schools with which they are associated here on CC. So if my advocacy for SAS puts it on the radar of someone for the first time…then I’ve “paid forward” what those forum members gave to me.</p>

<p>Second, I am a big believer in the concept of “best school for your child” vs. “best school period.” And that “best school for your child” may not be one of the 5 most often mentioned here.</p>

<p>Third, the “big name” schools require no advocacy on my part. They will continue to get boatloads of apps. The will continue to turn down thousands. The number of kids who ask questions about Millbrook is dwarfed by the number of kids who want to know more about about Exeter.</p>

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<p>As someone who’s kid was ONLY looking at hidden gems, I am grateful to this board for the little I could glean about specific schools as well as the loads I could find on the process in general. I also live having a nice little support system in place for when I panic about missing my child, or whether the laundry service is worth it, or any number of little anxieties which have been laid to rest by my new friends here . Thank you all.</p>

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<p>PS excuse typos – am on my phone without my glasses on. Always risky! :-)</p>