I agree with this 100%. Kids who spend all their time going home as freshmen seem to fare worse. If the student isn’t around to experience life at the weekends, away from classes, other kids are less likely to invest time in forming relationships. The weekends are for having fun and a kid who is never there at the weekends misses out.
My grad student was a very shy and nervous freshman at Bates College back in the day. In fact, I wrote this long-running post based on her experience. http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/t/to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc
Trust me, it was very difficult to resist the urge to drive five hours to “rescue” her. She was pretty miserable for a couple of months. For her, being at a small college was a life-changing experience and I honestly don’t think she would have fared well at all at a larger college. I am certain though that it would have been detrimental for her to have been too close to home in those early days of college. She needed to grow, emotionally and socially.
You and your child need to have honest discussions about expectations vs reality. Plenty of nervous kids find their people at all kinds of schools. I think if your kid puts some effort into it, she can find her people. Effort is the key word. And social media makes it really hard because it paints a false picture that it’s easy for everyone else. There will be ways for your child to find her people at both types of schools, as long as she seeks opportunities.
It can be tough to balance. Parents need to set boundaries, while at the same time ensuring the best environment for their child to thrive.