Will someone read my college admissions essay?

<p>i want to have it read by someone before i give it to a teacher just in case its an epic fail. PLEASE HELP!</p>

<p>Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.</p>

<pre><code>Life is never easy; everyone has realized that at one point. For me growing up was especially difficult. Our family moved from place to place sometimes with no house to live in. At age, 11 I was left with my two younger siblings after our mother’s loss to cancer. This unfortunately has become a story all too common in recent years for many people of my generation. After our mother’s death, my siblings and I moved in with our grandparents. My grandparents are the influences in my life that have guided me to where I am today.

I believe that sometimes bad things happen in order to create good. Knowing what is good for you and for others is the way to succeed. Obviously, losing a loved one as dear as a mother is tough and I would never wish it on anyone to experience the pain it causes. Questions run through our minds “why her? why me?” etc and it seems that no possible reason could be anywhere in sight. Believing that there is no reason could be the downfall of a person. There is always a reason and I will always look for it. I personally believe that everything happens for a reason and good can always come from the bad. For me, it is hard to say but had it not been for my mother passing and my grandparents stepping up in the role of raising my siblings and me, I would have never received the education and life I have now. I would not have learned the many life lessons my grandparents have taught and would never have learned how to push myself to strive for greatness.

I do realize that my grades are not in the top of my class but I can guarantee that I have never given it less than my all. I enjoy learning and I enjoy challenging myself while learning. I truly believe that the AP and honors classes I have taken have done the best for me; I also enjoyed these classes the most. I enjoyed these classes the most because they pushed me to do my best and use all the knowledge I had.

When I moved in with my grandparents, they taught me to dream and set goals for myself so I could possibly achieve my goals in the future. I remember telling them at a young age that I wanted to go to college. I asked them to not let me be unsuccessful with this goal. I have a dream to make something of myself and achieve success and I believe I can do so at Miami University. I want to push myself and get the best education I can. I do not believe it would be possible at any other school but Miami. I have big dreams and high expectations for myself. I would like to create my own path and not fall in the footsteps of most of my family before me. “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending,” (Maria Robinson.) That is my goal for Miami University.
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<p>Is it any good?</p>

<p>Generally, it’s a pretty good essay. I’m no essay genius, but I see a few things that need some fixing. </p>

<p>You start off your essay with a kind of cliche “life is never easy”, try rewording that. </p>

<p>You tell and don’t show in your last sentence in the first paragraph. </p>

<p>Also, you should never say “I think/I believe/I suppose”. Say it like it is! If you use “I think” it will show that you are not sure of yourself. You have to firm and concise in your writing.</p>

<p>I also saw in your final sentence - “That is my goal for Miami University.”</p>

<p>That is a little generic. Think about all the other applicants that will end similarly to that. End the essay in a more creative way.</p>

<p>This is all the advice that I have for you as of now… I might look at it again.</p>