<p>I haven't spoken with him directly but according to my other friends from HS, his parents want him to transfer into a school that doesn't foster an intense drinking scene (though I don't think his current school is even known for being a heavy drinking/partying school). My friends take this to mean that he has an alcohol problem. Don't know if his parents are just overreacting or misinformed about the prevalence of drinking in college (I don't know exactly what made them think their son had a drinking problem), but if it's true, I'd be shocked and, of course, concerned. Anyway, I want to show my unconditional support (of him, not the drinking...), but I think he's afraid that some of us who've been vocal opponents of heavy drinking now think less of him. We genuinely care and want him to get well. That's our main concern at this point. I don't know how to approach him though, because I'm not even sure if he even knows that I know (though our friends didn't really say anything about his wanting to keep this a secret). I don't want to be like "Hey, I heard you're now an alcoholic. What's up with that?" It would come out of nowhere. How should I approach him instead?</p>
<p>contact an alcohol treatment center or check out an AA meeting and ask</p>
<p><em>cough</em>AA<em>cough</em>AAA-is-the-road-help-place<em>cough</em></p>
<p>But... make sure this kid has an actual drinking problem first. Going to parties and drinking is not a drinking problem. Even drinking alot at parties isn't too much to get worried about. Going to parties, getting completely hammered, and getting sick every weekend, or drinking more than a beer or two alone, though, definitely is a problem.</p>
<p>If you see drinking as the only way to have fun I do believe that is a problem. So if every single party he goes to and he gets "hammered" there is something wrong.</p>
<p>kenshi, you just probably just described half of the national college student population. Or half of the people on sports teams, at the very least.</p>
<p>(I play a sport, so that isn't a stab at athletes, don't flame me.)</p>
<p>"haven't spoken with him directly but according to my other friends from HS, his parents want him to transfer into a school that doesn't foster an intense drinking scene (though I don't think his current school is even known for being a heavy drinking/partying school)..... Don't know if his parents are just overreacting or misinformed about the prevalence of drinking in college "</p>
<p>It may be that last part possibly. If he came from a very sheltered or strict household, and his parents recently found out that he has been partaking in drinking of any sort at school, it's very possible that they might have overreacted to it. I would say you should just ask him general stuff about how school was, and how things are now that he's back at home, and he might volunteer some information himself.</p>
<p>Hey, his parents might want him to transfer for a lot of different reasons. Don't assume he's an alcoholic. Maybe his grades aren't good, so his folks want him to go to a quieter, more academic-type school. I really think you're leaping to conclusions.</p>
<p>
[quote]
<em>cough</em>AA<em>cough</em>AAA-is-the-road-help-place<em>cough</em>
[/quote]
</p>
<p>
[quote]
Barney: My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic.
Clerk: I feel for you, pally, but, uh, you want AA -- this is
Triple A.
Homer: Oh. My name is Homer, and I'm planning a trip to St.
Louis.
Clerk: East St. Louis?
Homer: Is there any other St. Louis?</p>
<p>
[/quote]
10chars10chars10chars</p>
<p>"So if every single party he goes to and he gets "hammered" there is something wrong."</p>
<p>Ummm every party I go to I pretty much get wasted because that's why I got to parties in the first place. I don't go to be the only sober one, and this does not mean I'm an alcoholic.</p>
<p>By "completely hammered" I meant trips to the toilet/trash can/people's shoes and/or not being able to walk. Getting drunk at parties, well, thats kind of what alot of them are for.</p>
<p>Everyone that drinks has a drinking problem.</p>
<p>Alcohol is bad. I say leave your friend in the dust. They were a weak-willed person to begin with.</p>
<p>Don't want him to think that just because I'm against heavy drinking means that I don't care about his condition, because I do and I want to help. I just have to make sure he really has a drinking problem. To be honest, though, I trust my friends' judgment.</p>
<p>DeluxeHardballer: are you tryimg to troll? Because you're doing a pretty good job of it...</p>
<p>This is ridiculous</p>
<p>1) Don't assume his transfer is b/c of alcohol - people transfer for all sorts of different reasons.</p>
<p>2) why don't you go talk to him instead of speculating with people on the internet. If you really supported him, you'd have done that by now. And is it that hard to say "so I heard you're transferring away from X university" and leave it at that. It's open ended and doesn't bring up alcohol in anyway. If he wants to talk and tell you about it, he will. If not, then don't push for more information.</p>
<p>3) Everyone needs to get off their high horse on this website and stop calling everyone who drinks more than you do an alcoholic or a problem drinker. Do you know the questions doctors use to screen (ie search for) alcoholics? </p>
<p>It's called the CAGE questionnaire and is made up of the following questions:
C: Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your drinking?
A: Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
G: Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking?
E: Have you ever felt you needed a Eye-opener (drink first thing in the morning) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?</p>
<p>This test has been extensively researched and validated as an appropriate screening tool, but still requires TWO "yes" responses before a physician is likely to pursue further questioning. Seems like medical professionals have a lot different perspective on what constitutes an alcohol problem than just getting wasted all the time.</p>
<p>Even if the physician has begun using the AUDIT C questionnaire, most would not consider a college student with high scores on that a hazardous drinker because of the circumstances and associated college environment. (My med school professor said she doesn't consider the Audit C appropriate or useful for college students because many studies have shown that overwhelming majority of people drink excessively in college and post-graduation decrease their intake significantly to acceptable standards. Plus the Audit C was formulated and tested in VA hospitals and as such has limited testing on younger adults and females.)</p>
<p>Some people will tell you they don't have an alcohol problem while blood is pouring from their noses. It's sad, really.</p>
<p>I wish your friend the best of luck. I can see why he might want to transfer (his old friends won't be there to say, "hey lets go buy some beer" or something). But I don't think he needs you to know whats going on. You can be a supportive friend without knowing the particulars. Be supportive, but leave the divulging up to him.</p>
<p>By the way, to all you overly sheltered kids out there, drinking underage does not make you a horrible person. This really annoys me when I try to tell some of my friends about what I do at college. Grow up, Jesus.</p>
<p>Sorry, I'm not aiming that at anyone in general, this kind of thing just really ****es me off sometimes.</p>
<p>^^^^^agreed</p>
<p>Nobody cares if your drinking underage American laws are stupid. The problem is is when alcohol is used as the only way to have fun. Night after night you drink yourself not to the point of a light buzz but to the point your puking,urinating, and falling all over yourself.</p>
<p>Who is this "you" you are speaking to, hmm? Resentful of someone?</p>
<p>I don't drink to the point of puking, urinating, or falling over. I drink until I'm drunk. What you just described is way past drunk in my opinion.</p>
<p>But I agree American drinking laws are dumb.</p>