I’m a sophomore at a big state school. It’s a good school but my freshman year was so hard due to mental health issues and not getting involved so not finding many people I like. This year I decided to make a change and get involved and put myself out there. I even rushed which is something I never thought I’d do. So I’m really stepping out of my comfort zone. I got into a top tier sorority that I liked the most but I’m still skeptical about it yet trying to keep an open mind. I looked up clubs to join and already joined two, they both haven’t started yet. I’m not a girly girl and I did make one amazing friend here but he’s a guy so I joined a ski team which I heard has more of my kind of laid back people that I’d like. I also am trying to get into a couple other clubs of interest. It’s only been a month yes but I’m starting to freak out. I just had such a rough freshman year I don’t want to relive it. I’m scared that I’m actually putting myself out there and still won’t get anywhere. Yet I feel like I’m doing the right things. I know it takes awhile to get to know people so am I overthinking things right now? I don’t fit in well, I’m really mature and deep, I love talking non trivial serious topics like politics and science, I love people who are honest and confident, etc. Last year I barely gave anyone a chance and thought I was like no one and will never find my place. But this year I decided to try harder and not judge people so fast because who knows I may appear different than I am too. I’m more realistic now too. So I’m trying things and sticking them out instead of dropping them right away if they don’t appear for me like this sorority because a lot of girls seem basic and shallow and before I would’ve freaked out and gave up but I’m still trying. But I’m really trying to get involved. I joined a sorority for christ’s sake that’s the last thing I thought I’d do. But I’m just scared to be disappointed and go nowhere despite all the efforts I’m making. Yes I have anxiety, depression, a borerline personality so all that really plays a role in my pessimism and I have a therapist but I wanted advice from people with similar experiences or anyone. People are already signing leases for next year and I haven’t gotten involved yet it’s freaking me out. I also get scared that maybe this school is just all wrong with me but come on aren’t most american colleges the same? I just feel like where you go there you are. It’s not the place it’s you. Things don’t just happen you make it happen. Last year I thought the total opposite. I just want to make my experience good but I’m scared I’ll fail even after trying so hard. I’m scared I don’t have enough time either. I don’t know I’m just getting worried and depressed.
Did you say you have borderline personality disorder? If that’s the case, you have to consult with your therapist about all these feelings and get advice. It would be very hard for an outsider to give you advice. The one thing I would say is to have faith and confidence that it will work out. You are putting yourself out there, which is a good thing. Remind yourself that you are competent and that there is no reason that things should not work out. Great that you have one close friend!
Try not to think too far ahead. You are predicting disappointment when you haven’t even allowed the efforts you have made to unfold. Be patient, congratulate yourself for the strides you have made. Continue to work with your therapist.