<p>Hi, I'm a long time reader but a first time poster. I apologize if this post gets long but I really need some help and guidance. I'm a freshman in college.</p>
<p>Before college I went through a really rough divorce in 9-10th grade and during that time I was pretty depressed and mostly kept to myself. I played alot of video games and really didnt have alot of social interactions. In 11th and especially 12th grade I started coming out of my shell a bit -- I created a really good network of about 10-15 friends that I still talk to in college, got a girlfriend, etc. I was really excited to go to college this fall. I'd say so far I've been having a pretty good time -- I attend a college that is pretty intellectually stimulating (we only have about 5,000 kids on campus) and I enjoy my classes for the most part. </p>
<p>I've run in to problems socially though, I have about 4-5 good friends on campus, friends that I really value, but leading up to every weekend I am constantly worried and stressed about if I'm going to have enough to do on Friday/Saturday nights and what the reprecussions of not doing something would be. I feel very self conscious, like if I'm not doing something socially acceptable then I'm messing up. I'd also so I'm a bit more introverted than most people so I value the time I have alone alot -- I like to listen to music, play video games, watch movies, etc when I'm alone and I really get a lot of comfort out of it when Im not worried about whether I'm doing something socially acceptable.</p>
<p>Since I got to college I've really tried to branch out -- in High School I really didnt do any extracurriculars or anything and I didnt want my college experience to be the same. I'm a member of the varsity tennis team, I DJ at the radio station, I'm a member of the catholic community on campus that I'm hoping I can get a bit more involved in, I'm also a member of a few other groups and organizations. I really think I've done a good job branching out by every thursday/friday leading up to the weekend (ESPECIALLY this one b/c its halloween) I just feel so much pressure to make sure I have something to do, make sure im doing something socially acceptable. Sometimes I get really down on myself and I'm not sure how I should approach it. I miss some of my friends from home some but I've also made some good friends up here too. Facebook has also been one of the things that gets me down the most b/c I have a tendancy to compare myself to other peoples' college experiences. If I'm not having a similar one then I feel pretty bad.</p>
<p>I know its illogical for me to think this way, the thing is it still bothers me. I used to read alot before I got to college but I really havent been able to do that here. Some weekends I would enjoy spending time with myself and relaxing getting a good nights sleep. I put so much pressure on myself, though, that I've lost the enjoyment in these things in college.</p>
<p>If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it.</p>
<p>Hey Oddball (p.s. I love the name...odd is good, don't let anyone tell you differently!)...I am currently a freshman in college as well and can relate to a lot of what you said. One thing though about Facebook...I've found myself doing the same sorts of comparisons and what I came to realize is that everyone else is doing the same thing. What you see on people's Facebooks is what they want you to see after they've seen what is on yours and everyone else's!</p>
<p>It sounds to me like you are more involved than most college students and I think you are being too hard on yourself. Especially after what you went through in HS, I'd say you've come a LONG way and gone beyond what a typical college student does. I admire how involved you are, but don't base your opinions of yourself off of how you view others. It sounds cheesy and overworked, but it is the most important thing...be who you are and stay true to that notion. When it comes down to it, you have to be cool with yourself before anyone else can be. </p>
<p>Don't stress out over fitting in and making your college experience the so-called textbook college experience. It is different for everyone and from what you've said it sounds like you're doing great!</p>
<p>I think what your feeling is very common and many kids feel the same way in college. There is the idea at college that every weekend should be amazing with big parties and lots of action. At my son's school it's the same way....if you don't have big time weekend plans then you can feel like a loser. The pressure is especially bad for freshman. The key is not to feed into the pressure, be who you are and if you feel like staying in and playing video games or watching TV then take that time for yourself. College is a constant pressure both socially and academically. There is nothing wrong with time for winding down and decompressing. It is good that you found a group of friends you really like....you are one step ahead with that cause it takes time to develop new friendships after the tight knit community of high school. I would suggest trying to relax about the social pressure. Maybe your friends would be up for a movie or a more casual night here and there. It doesn't always have to be a big party night - don't knuckle in under the pressure, walk to the beat of your own drummer.</p>
<p>how about you stop feeling so self-conscious and stop comparing yourself to others. deactivate your facebook...it's very liberating.</p>
<p>I feel the same way sometimes, used to feel the same way a lot of the time. The fact is everyone has chill weekends or lazy weekends or study weekends.Aand its really not necessary to have to fill up a schedule so you're busy every hour. If you're goin to a party or going out to eat its totally normal after that to watch a movie or play games or sleep, you don't need to be constantly doing something and if you managed to do something social you shouldn't worry about continuing after that if you don't want to, you're good for the day.</p>
<p>So far, one of my favorite things about college has been the fact that those close to me have finally grown to understand that every weekend need not be a giant party, and are usually content spending the nights grabbing a bite to eat somewhere then chilling in someone's room, watching a movie or just talking. The folks who are out getting hammered Thursday-Saturday may think they have some grand social network, but when you are bonding over a mutual interest in inebriation and can't remember all of the details from the night before, you are actually just one very lonely person surrounded by dozens of other very lonely people.</p>
<p>My university is famous for its Halloween celebration -- the town cracked down this year, but in recent years as many as 80,000 people have attended the festivities, driving in from all across the Southeastern United States. It is effectively one of the largest costume parties you could possibly attend, followed by countless REAL parties that last all night. My closest friends and I were back in the dorm before midnight, ordered sinfully delicious junk food, and had a really good time hanging out. Do what makes you happy.</p>
<p>College is a time to grow and learn a lot about yourself. I'm involved in a ton of activities and extracurricular activities as well, and while I am building professional, working relationships with these other students, I don't spend my free time with them. And even more so than in high school, this is totally acceptable.</p>
<p>Don't worry, you'll be fine.</p>