<p>^^That’s where you gently point out that it’s not up to the parents anymore to “stop” the child if their life isn’t endangered. Then, you take advantage of the teachable moment about taking responsibility for one’s decisions and actions.</p>
<p>To the OP, no. Like others, I would choose fit over prestige but YMMV. Maybe in the child’s eyes, prestige is part of fit.</p>
<p>My kids have expressed regret at doing things one way vs another.
At the time, I remember making gentle suggestions which were perhaps heard but not followed.
Now when they wish they had done things differently, I either just say nothing or remind them that at the time they felt that they had made the best choice, and that when later information becomes available that would have steered them another way, in most cases, you don’t have the luxury of analyzing everything to death.</p>
<p>They have never asked " why didn’t you stop me."
That is the question of someone who isn’t taking responsibility for their decisions.</p>
<p>Fit.</p>
<p>I have been down this path as well. S1 ended up at fit school over prestige school. When I see how happy he is and how much he is thriving, I am glad he made the choice he did. Sure he would have made prestige work, but it would have been more of a struggle. </p>
<p>Now S2. He was initially aiming at prestige, but is coming around to fit. I am not telling him what to do. I do ask questions and share thoughts, but it is his choice to make. Generally I tell him there isn’t only one right path for him to follow. If he goes to P, he will have a bigger name school, but it will be further away and harder. He will have more adjustments to make, but I am confident he can make them. If he goes to F, his life will be more comfortable, but he can take advantage of all the opportunities offered and come out with as many options as at P. </p>
<p>Criteria to look at:
<p>These would be things to consider.</p>
<p>Why did she apply to the more prestigious school? What was it that interested her?
I would have her make a matrix of whatever is important to her (and you) and then rate the schools.
Whatever she likes best, go with it!</p>
<p>Apart from pragmatic constraints, I viewed college selection as a decision for the prospective student to navigate. We helped tease out variables, what was most important to them, possible trade offs, etc. The old teach them to fish proverb. No issues ensued for either of them as a result of choosing fit over ranking for undergrad; one went straight to work in a hard to enter career and the other has a good job after completing a masters at a top school in their field. It was more about what they did during undergrad (academically and internships/jobs) than where they went. </p>
<p>At this point, I’d say encourage a lot of dialog about pros/cons of each school. There is plenty of time to make the final decision. </p>
<p>I would let the student decide, and agree with the other posters who say fit trumps prestige. Several kids we know who are very unhappy or have left college and are trying to transfer were pushed by their parents into going for prestige over fit. </p>
<p>For my daughter, she realizes she is choosing a place to live as much as a university. Her interests include indoor rock climbing, so it’s a big negative if a university or the town it’s located in does not have a decent rock climbing wall/gym. She plans to attend college far away requiring flights there and home, but we’ve discovered not all places are the same for flights. One university will cost about $250 roundtrip for a 3-hour nonstop flight, while another one will cost $600 roundtrip with at least one stopover and changing of planes and many hours involved, and another university would cost even more roundtrip. Check out all places on expedia.com or a similar website to see what travel costs and times would really amount to. She doesn’t like to drive, so local transportation issues are on our list – how convenient is it to get to the nearest restaurants, shops and other places she might want to visit, and will she need to drive there or not. I encourage you to make a comprehensive list of desired traits aside from US News ranking that are desirable, and see how the colleges compare.</p>
<p>If you are talking about other Michigan state schools, then I find it very hard to imagine how she could have a GOOD reason to prefer one of the directionals or other options to U Mich. They’re all big. They are just less distinguished, to one degree or another. A possible exception would be a lesser state school that has a particular program that U Mich doesn’t have. Even so, how sure is she that she really wants to be an [fillintheblank]?</p>
<p>I find it very difficult to imagine that Western or Eastern is a “fit” and U Mich is not. Sounds like the kid either wants to cluster with HS friends, or wants to follow a BF, or wants to get farther away from home. If the latter–a reasonable concern, IMHO–you need to assure her that you will NOT be visiting except for standard events, such as Parents’ Weekend. Either that, or see her throw away the opportunity to study at one of the nation’s outstanding Us for Grand Valley State or whatever.</p>
<p>Yeah, I’m skeptical of many HS students’ ability to discern “fit.”</p>
<p>@Consolation</p>
<p>I chose MSU over U of M. I liked the RCAH better at MSU and, honestly, after going to Michigan as a grad student and GSIing the undergrads, I am even more convinced that I absolutely choose the better school for me. </p>
<p>Far more of my friends went to U of M and MSU was even further from my then-bf.</p>
<p>For directionals, I knew people that chose Eastern because of its teaching program and Dearborn and others because they liked smaller schools. </p>
<p>There are different reasons for different people. Ultimately, I went with my gut and felt better at MSU. Never regretted it and had you asked me to list reasons as a senior in high school, I don’t think I could have articulated them back then. </p>
<p>What is it about the other schools that compels her more than umichigan? As long as she has solid reasons, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just make sure it’s not for something stupid. 
</p>
<p>Both my kids chose fit over prestige. Fit isn’t just about the atmosphere though that can be part of it. Part of the reason my older son waited until April 30 to make up his mind was that he discovered at the accepted students weekend that high prestige university had a huge contigent of geeky, board gaming kids just like himself. He unexpectedly had a great time. (I’d made him apply.) But he chose a different school (about 20 places below in the USNWR rankings) with a highly rated computer science program and even more kids like himself and never looked back. Seven years after that difficult decision he’s at his dream job. </p>
<p>Younger son also chose a college that was about 20 places lower in the USNWR rankings. It’s arguably better in his major, it was easier for us to get to, family lived nearby, they had an interdisciplinary course with a charismatic prof he was interested in taking. He just graduated and is job hunting after a nice fall internship. No regrets there either.</p>
<p>I agree with ucb about the student owning the decision. In any case, what has been found is that students best perform academically where they are happiest, or, even more so the reverse is true: A student who is unhappy in a setting rarely performs to ability.</p>
<p>I’m a case in point of an unhappy student under-performing. Coincidentally, the college I was unhappy at was UMich. I had wanted to go to one of the small private LACs in Ohio, but my Dad, a UMich alum, wasn’t open to alternatives.</p>
<p>Fast forward nearly 50 years, and I can tell you that, ironically, I have benefited greatly by Michigan’s prestige. No one’s ever asked me about my grades, but everyone – especially in international settings – recognizes and values the name. So, even though I’m sure I would have had a better experience at a smaller school, I can’t deny that I’ve had the advantage of Michigan’s name recognition. </p>
<p>Epiphany, u sure they study best where they’re happiest, as opposed to happiest where they do well in in their studies … are challenged and feel a sense of accomplishment ? </p>
<p>On sports teams and in the workplace it’s not always the happiest people who succeed, but those who achieve end up feeling good . </p>
<p>@momrath. That’s EXACTLY why everyone tells her she should go to Michigan. </p>
<p>You misunderstood me, mooop. Happiness is in a wider and deeper sense than pleasure or ease. The point is that there has been found a correlation between students who have a sense of belonging (in some way, for some reason) to a campus and the level of productivity of that student. Again, even more so in the reverse. And why? Because an adolescent who is already going through considerable psychological changes in his or her life will be distracted by a setting which adds unwarranted complications & even obstacles to those changes. The student doesn’t have to be in a state of bliss, let alone never challenged. One indicator of unhappiness would be an intellectual mismatch, by which the student is either insufficiently challenged on the one hand or challenged beyond ability on the other. (Students can manage to be admitted to a campus or a program yet find once they’re there that the higher level of that field of study is not suitable or is simply unpleasant and a constant drain. That wouldn’t necessarily mean the wrong campus, although it could; it could also signal the wrong major, program, or emphasis.</p>
<p>Back to the subject of choosing a “lesser” college, sometimes a student has trouble articulating what it is he or she prefers about said campus. Maybe it’s size, friendliness, even aesthetics. Also, some students are perfectly capable of intellectual challenge but “don’t know it yet.” IOW, they simply lack confidence to rise to that level yet. I’ve known several people, a long time ago and more recently, who chose a slightly “easier” campus (or what they perceived to be) because they just had a longer curve when it came to academic confidence. They first wanted to do very well within a level they were confident of mastering before they “graduated” to the next.</p>
<p>@Consolation. Her other school is Pitt. She is planning on being a nurse and both school have good programs. She likes pitt better I think because the kids she knows who go to Michigan tend to be vey work hard/ party hard types and she’s not a big partier. The pitt kids are more laid back. Pregaming every football Saturday is not a thing there like we know it is at michigan. Pitt also has the advantage of many great places to do clinicals right on campus and at Michigan they tell you that you will need a car for clinicals. And having to drive in Michigan winters to Detroit is a downside. So her reasons are all pretty good. </p>
<p>For nursing, Pitt isn’t really “lesser,” is it? That’s a top ten program in the field, and UPMC is a juggernaut. To me, the one tipping factor back toward Michigan would be the option set available to your daughter if she decides to change her major. Nursing is really hard – both intellectually and, more importantly, emotionally – and I think a lot of 18- and 19-year-old kids change their minds about a nursing career once they see what it takes. </p>
<p>If she’s eyes-wide-open and knows to a near-mortal certainty that nursing is her field, then I’d say go with the program that feels best. If she thinks she might end up in a different subject, then Michigan has excellent programs in many other fields, and most of them are probably at least somewhat better-known than the corresponding program at Pitt. </p>
<p>As for partying and pregaming, both places are going to have that and also have large enough student populations to find active social groups that don’t do that. She’ll find her kind of friends either place. (And, FWIW, there is plenty of football-related drinking in Pittsburgh; it just occurs on Sundays instead of Saturdays.) </p>