It is not paranoia for an underage person to want to meet an adult in a public place. It is common sense. It is alarming to me that adults are unable to put themselves in the young person’s shoes and see how it would be uncomfortable for them to be alone in a room with a stranger. If something did happen, everyone would say how foolish of the parent to leave their child alone with a stranger.
Regarding the frat comparison, yes there are cases of sexual assault at frat parties, but they usually occur when the female is taken to room alone with a male.
I am way more concerned, rightly, by my daughter alone in a room with a peer or even younger teen male. Much greater odds of a problem, but I am certain she has managed it sometime in her high school career. Still, if you are worried, it is reasonable to ask for a new venue. As I have said before, your daughter will encounter more dangerous situations, statistically, by her first week on campus, but that doesn’t seem to be the focus of concern
I think that young men and women have the right to dictate the terms of an interview, and should not allow themselves to be cowed into a situation that they are not comfortable with. If, in the past, young people had had a say in some of these earlier steps in the college process, perhaps they would have asserted themselves more forcefully when uncomfortable situations arose later (like when a young male pushes a drink on them). It bothers me that adults look down on a young person not accepting the terms of an interview as being an indication that they are not qualified for a particular college. Why are adults so intent on holding these interviews in their homes?
Anyone under 18 should not be alone in a room with an adult. If problems arise, the situation has dire consequences for the adult. This should not be up for debate.
“Anyone under 18 should not be alone in a room with an adult” is ridiculous. I had many good conversations with adults (teachers, relatives, neighbors, pastors) as a teen alone in a room with them with no negative consequences. It is important to encourage our kids to speak up if something inappropriate occurs. This a really extreme viewpoint IMHO.
agreed, intparent. My kids have been alone, individually in a room with all sorts of adults-teachers, tutors, the piano teacher, coaches, the parents of friends. I too have been alone with a child (other than mine)-I’ll watch a neighbor’s kid at the last minute if something arises, or give a kid a ride home or to the game or whatever, if the situation warrants, and they will do the same for mine, I hope. I can’t imagine living in stardustmom’s world, as it certainly isn’t the community I know. Sometimes I know the other adult, sometimes I don’t, particularly as the kids approached high school age, and I knew fewer of their friends (and much less of the parents of their friends). In my world, people develop judgment and intuition about situations, and understand when to trust others and when not to, even when they are in their teens.
The difference is I did not raise my girls to be paranoid about every interaction with someone who they are not familiar with. Some people may jump into conclusion that it is weird to have dinner with an older man, one thing may lead to another, so why even put yourself in that position. I prefer to teach my kids to be smart/alert and not be afraid to speak up if they are uncomfortable, but not be afraid and always assume the worst.
Frankly if parents are so paranoid then ask their kids to leave the phone on so they could listen in on the whole conversation. They could stay in the car and be at the house within minutes if need be.
I don’t understand why the college interview is special in this respect, @stardustmom. It isn’t a virulent path for sexual harassment or assault – it just isn’t.
I agree that it isn’t. However, I think that adults should respect youth when they say that they would be more comfortable meeting in a public place, which was the OPs issue. I am sure that most of the time, nothing untoward happens, but why take the risk? I also believe it is in the interviewer’s interest to have another adult close by during the interview.
Whatever the final decision, OP, your applicant should be the one to take any follow up action, whether it be with the university or the alumnus. Yes, even though she is still a few months underage, she should be able to demonstrate that she can handle the college admission process herself, however she decides to handle it.
I think it would be fine for the daughter to email the interviewer and say, my Mom’s a bit paranoid, can we meet in a public place? I know that for at least one of my older son’s interviews, the interviewer’s wife was puttering around the kitchen when I came to pick him up.
I agree with whoever said women have been told to suck it up forever. This seems like the classic situation–the young woman feels uncomfortable saying no to a request to meet at an older man’s private home because speaking up might hurt her chances of admission. If my d were in the OP’s situation and felt uncomfortable, I wouldn’t want to tell her to just suck it up.
I just skimmed the thread, but I don’t think I saw where the OP said whether or not the d was uncomfortable. Regardless of who is worried, the issue is whether speaking up will hurt the girl’s chances. My guess is the interviewer isn’t losing sleep over this and probably hasn’t even given it any thought.
Wow, this thread became long quickly. I haven’t read the whole thing, so I am likely repeating others’ comments. I have been an alumni interviewer. One of the most repeatedly discussed and bolded interview rules for the program was to choose a public, neutral location and never in private homes. However, different colleges have different policies. It’s relatively common for interviewers to suggest meeting in their private home, including at the some Ivies and similar exceptional colleges that are frequently discussed here.
If the home location is a problem, I’d suggest that the student (parent should not be involved in the interview process) emails the interviewer and gently asks if a specific alternative location would be okay, such as a quiet coffee shop near where he lives. If you get a negative impression from his response, you could contact your local admissions officer and ask for another interviewer.