would you kindly rate my essay?

<p>This is the actual thing with the typos and all. The dude (e-rater, not a real dude) gave me a 12 which means a six on both. I kinda am not really sure about this and doubt it, even though it was on CB site, but i'd like a more realistic score.</p>

<hr>

<p>In a world where boundaries are slowly being removed, people are suffering to keep their private lives private.From celebrities to everyday people, privacy has become a world-wide issue, especially with those nosy people out there. Breaches of privacy had caused trouble and still are for many people. Should privacy be taken more lightly than it already is, people will soon be facing a more serious dilemma. Therefore, people should by all means make more effort to keep things private for not doing so might threaten relationships and everyday lives. </p>

<p>Let's take one of the most prominent problems and issues celebrities are facing nowadays: nude leaks. Nude leaks are the result of malicious hackers hacking into celebrities' cellphones and spreading them online. This issue had caused trouble for many stars including, Rihanna, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato and many more.Photos like these had caused them family trouble, relationship trouble, wide criticism and hate. Looking at the the issue from a broader perspective, the celebrities should definitely not had any explicit photos of them on their phones. They should've learned from each other by now. But still, people should understand that just because someone has something, and someone famous too, we should all be allowed to breach into that person's private life. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you like it if anyone sneaked into your private photos and published them online, where almost the entire globe has access to? No. This shows that the more famous people get, the less their privacy is respected and that is by all means dangerous. It might give our posterity the idea of believing that just because someone's famous, then we're entitles to know everything about his or her personal life. </p>

<p>Another example would be the famous real-life TV programes, i.e "The Kardashians", "Real Housewives of Orange County", "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and so on. Reality TV shows are more of a euphemism for "attention-seekers" who believe it's alright for the world to know about their seemingly great day. Shows like these promote the idea that there's nothing wrong with people knowing all about you and your everyday life, including your personal problems. Not only does this cause major embarrassments for some, though this is the price of those shows, but it can also ruin your public image. There are things that are just not meant for the public or anyone. Shows like these also give people the false notion of fame. Reality TV shows do nothing but cause more family drama and relationship breakups. If you ever watch those TV shows, you;ll notice that three quarters of the time, they are complaining and fighting and showing the world their ugly side. What kind of life is that? And how would they feel when they step out in the public, on a normal Sunday morning and receive hate or deriding terms from haters? It's not a pretty feeling for sure. But you reap what you sow. </p>

<p>The ignorance of the importance of privacy is certainly something to be worried about. Some people think that everyone is allowed into their lives, but that's only true until something horrendous happens. Privacy shouldn't betaken lightly for a reason. Privacy is important and should people start taking good care of their privacy, many mishaps, drama, and misunderstandings would never happen.</p>

<p>There is some analysis here, which is great and definitely necessary for a good essay. Also, your voice does show through in the second passage, which in this case, actually works in your favor. I would like to point out that although you used your examples to your advantage in proving your point, maybe change up the types of examples. It would be so impressive to see like a classic book plot or a historical event as an example, and would create good contrast with the modern entertainment examples. Furthermore, I feel like the paragraphs are repeating the same argument to a certain point, and that might be something you want to avoid. Overall though, good job!</p>

<p>@leannatorres‌ thank you for your feedback. I actually do have a problem when it comes to examples, my brain always seems to freezes so i just write the first thing that comes to my mind. ^.^"</p>

<p>And yes, i do think i repeat a lot too. It’s just that i run out of things to say, do you have any suggestions on how to avoid that?</p>

<p>Good job. I second @leannatorres </p>

<p>@asphyxis I would plan an outline before I write. I know, I hate doing it too, and frankly I enjoy writing essays more IF
I start putting ideas down on paper from the get-go. That being said, though, seeing a simplification of your essay will force you to realize how similar some of your ideas might be in theory, and will get you to say, “hey, these are kind of talking about the same thing. can i bring up a different argument that relates to my thesis, or would this argument be stronger if i combined these 2 similar ideas together or what?” That’s just my opinion. </p>