<p>MadeItToTheTop, are you a parent or a college student?</p>
<p>haha i happen to be the guy in this debacle…i respect her dad’s opinion, but wanted to know if it was something that all parents shared. my own parents have said that they hoped i’d stay in school. her dad probably is scared about what she’s getting herself involved in</p>
<p>Unspoken is all of this is the ethnicity of the father. The last statement from OP leads me to believe that there is an cultural issue. Some cultures may be more accepting of prospective son-in-laws with lesser formal education as compared to other cultures. If my hunch is right, then the father’s concerns may stem from a cultural basis. Possibly he may not be able to do anything to prevent the dating but I can understand where the father is coming from.</p>
<p>How long have you been dating this girl in college? Is the college in a location that is away from the girl’s hometown? It seems very odd to me that the dad would be calling YOU up, unless you had established an ongoing relationship with him. I can’t imagine calling my D’s boyfriend up over anything of this nature! We happened to just meet him this past weekend and didn’t quiz him on a thing, LOL.</p>
<p>i would say that since the young man has lots going for him and seems to have a plan then i would be ok with it. ivy dropout without some direction or plan in progress … probably no on that.</p>
<p>i would not however be ok with my DD dating the 7-eleven clerk up the street.</p>
<p>If I were the girl, I’d feel embarrassed that my dad called my college boyfriend up to discuss anything along these lines.</p>
<p>Parents should not mettle with their college-aged kids’ social lives, in my opinion.</p>
<p>What did the dad talk to you about?</p>
<p>madeittothetop – that you are the boyfriend changes things considerably. Rereading your original post it sounds to me like the dad was calling you to voice his concerns over your dropping out of school, not to tell you that you couldn’t date his daughter.</p>
<p>Did he actually say that he would not allow his daughter to date you?</p>
<p>No offense really, but after reading this goofy post, I think I’d be more worried if I were one of the corporate investors.</p>
<p>Excerpt from stockholders meeting -</p>
<p>Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, our new COO …</p>
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<p>Pea, I would be curious as to what the conversation entailed too. However, it sounds to me to be more than about concern over dropping out of school. The concept of sexual relations also was mentioned by this poster. It does seem to have to do with them dating.</p>
<p>She’s not my girlfriend but we’ve been going on dates together for 2 months…I’ve met her dad already because she tells him literally everything…the guy tracked me down back on our second date (don’t ask how I found out). </p>
<p>And yes, after the talk with her dad, I was very persistent on dropping out (at least for this year). She didn’t respond to my calls that day and the next night she called me and told me that there might be a problem in us seeing each other…and she ended with “i really really hope you stay in school…”</p>
<p>Anyways, we go to college outside of both of our home-states.</p>
<p>I didn’t want to write the extra details on here because of the anonymity.</p>
<p>Very interesting, madeittothetop. I’m not trying to get more out of you than you should reveal on a public forum.</p>
<p>If the girl is in college and won’t stand up to her father then you are better off without her. I know that is harsh but if the problem wasn’t with you staying in school now it would be about something else down the road. When to have kids, where to live, where to spend Christmas.</p>
<p>She’s not a little girl anymore and it’s time for her to stop acting like one.</p>
<p>As you tell more of your story, it sorta comes across differently. Frankly, if the girl herself feels it would be a problem for you both to continue dating if you did not stay in school, then that is how SHE feels. That’s her right, even if we may not all agree with her stance. </p>
<p>It seems very odd to me that the Dad would have had contact with you after just the second date when he lives in another state. </p>
<p>I don’t know which parts of your story are factual and which are made up to be anonymous. Do you truly attend an Ivy League school? Just wondering.</p>
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<p>I think that this is a problematic statement – not everyone may have a sense of obedience to parents (it seems that Americans do not), but there are a lot of cultures and sub-cultures where this is highly valued. It’s not a matter of “standing up to her father” in all scenarios, it may be a case of respecting his position of authority and necessarily greater experience and wisdom.</p>
<p>Her dad tracked me down by other means - he doesn’t physically have to be in our state to do it. </p>
<p>None of the facts are made up – We both attend an Ivy League school (one of the middle-tier ones), so I’m also looking to transfer out.</p>
<p>I can’t give out any other facts on here, or else I’m really going to have to start making stuff up ;)</p>
<p>One more thing: I should’ve seen the warning signs on an earlier date when she kept referring to her dad as “daddy”…as in “my daddy did this, my daddy said that…” hahaha</p>
<p>And in terms of culture, she’s full Jewish and I’m half.</p>
<p>Well, you have to think through if this sort of thing with her dad’s input and interference is acceptable to you enough to date her and she’ll have to think about if your plans matter enough to her to not date you. Just see what happens.</p>
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<p>Haha, you don’t have to worry about that one! I believe she just called it quits right after I announced I was dropping out. She hasn’t responded to phone calls or messages so I’m going to leave her alone for now and let her think it over.</p>
<p>Anyhow, I posted this here, not because I wanted advice, but I just wanted what all you parents thought about being happy/angry over your daughter dating a guy like this!</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear that the relationship might be over. That hurts.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t have any problem with my daughter dating someone like you. You’re smart enough to be in an Ivy League school and you’re ambitious enough to really take a risk. Bill Gate and Steve Jobs are both college dropouts.</p>
<p>I don’t have a daughter but I for one would probably not get involved in choice of date. I happen to have more education than my husband and it never even crossed my mind or my parents’ minds that it was something “to discuss.” I think if she cut it off or her dad cut if off, it probably doesn’t matter much since clearly it’s a stumbling block for one of them and you are probably in the best position for whatever the next year brings than spending time and energy ‘selling’ yourself to her or to her “daddy.”</p>
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<p>Wow. As I am sure you know, it is NOT the cultural norm for a Jewish woman in college to refuse to date someone her father objects to, at least not without a lot of pushback. In a sense, the cultural background makes her “daddy” orientation even more extreme. Jewish women love their fathers (I hope), but they don’t defer to them a whole lot. Of course, they can agree independently, too, and blame their fathers.</p>
<p>Anyway, if you like this girl, and are willing to be patient with the daddy stuff, keep trying, and she will probably come around fairly quickly. Or you can thank your lucky stars that this happened before you got in too deep, and look elsewhere for romance.</p>
<p>JHS, your statement is quite inaccurate. There are many cultural variations among different subsets of Jewish communities. If this young woman is first generation American (parents from Soviet Union, Iraqi, Syrian refugees) than deferring to her dad on who to date is in fact the social norm. If she is third generation Polish immigrant but grew up in the Ashkenazi orthodox community, than parental involvement in her dating life is also the norm. Ditto any young woman whose parents are from South America or Mexico, where the Jewish social norms mirror those of the traditional societies in those countries and young people tend to date others from families that their own families know and approve of.</p>
<p>Doesn’t change the reality that in the US parents don’t have much luck dictating who their kids date. But not all Jewish communities behave like a Woody Allen movie or a Phillip Roth novel.</p>