<p>I got a call that 19 year old D is thinking about leaving college to be with boyfriend .Have not done the helicopter parent thing yet , but I am tempted . I know this is her life , but this is a MISTAKE in my mind . She can do the boyfriend thing later . I am thinking about calling someone at the school . I don't want to alienate D , but I don't want her leaving !</p>
<p>Oh Gosh! Can you reason it out with her in a calm manner? Where is the boyfriend? Can you ask her to meet him in Dec and stick at school.</p>
<p>Goodluck, I feel for you.</p>
<p>And then you might be a grandparent sooner than you thought (see other thread).</p>
<p>my goodness… is the boyfriend already abroad? if not maybe meet with both of them…if he is meet just with her…try to get a compromise like you couldjoin him next summer for a few months but must stay in college now</p>
<p>you may have to play the money card…if you dont pay how does she get there? how does she live? also no paying for college when she returns?</p>
<p>I am thinking about calling someone who runs the house , and having them give the " You have you whole live to spend with someone once you graduate " speech . PS- he is coming for 2 weeks in Dec .</p>
<p>This is the BF who is 16 or 17 from another country, right?</p>
<p>faux - I hate to say it but you may be sending your DD mixed signals. The relationship she is in is with a younger boy in Sweden (16? 17?). You were not thrilled with the relationship and are now worried because she is talking about leaving college to go to be with the boyfriend. If you are not on board I would stop talking about grandchildren…really. Kids hear what they want to hear and filter out the rest, heck we all do. Say what you mean and mean what you say…</p>
<p>FWIW, I wouldn’t dare call anyone at my kids U to ‘talk some sense into them’. You call the school when you are afraid for their safety or health. Running away, or running to something doesn’t qualify IMHO. Either you talk to your daughter or you stay out of the drama.</p>
<p>Husband has convinced D to hold this thought for now .</p>
<p>Wow, quick turn of events! That’s wonderful that her Dad was able to convince her to hold off on such a big decision. Good luck to everyone!</p>
<p>The hardest part about college is remembering that the student is the one in college…not the parent. </p>
<p>If she wants to leave college, at the end of the day it will be her decision to do so. You can hope she will apply for a leave of absence from her school rather than just dropping out. And if it were me, I wouldn’t give her a nickel of money…our kids knew that we would pay while they were in school, but if not in college, the only thing we would have carried for them is health insurance. They would have been expected to get a job, support themselves, and pay us rent if they lived here.</p>
<p>Wow, within a few minutes your problem is temporarily solved?</p>
<p>I remember reading one of your other D-BF threads - any chance your D isn’t caring for her school or having school issues that she is looking for an escape??? </p>
<p>I don’t know that I would be satisfied with the “hold the thought for now” - you might seek to talk and see if there are other issues going on now.</p>
<p>This is the BF who is 16 or 17 from another country, right?</p>
<p>I love CC- makes my life seem almost calm.
;)</p>
<p>fauxmaven~given how this seems to have been somewhat delayed, or resolved fairly quickly, with all due respect, perhaps you saying you were in “agony” needs to also be addressed, a bit over the top imho. just wondering but does your daughter know you get this upset about this relationship? you seemed concerned in other thread about her judgment, this does seem like something to talk over with her calmly and with love. try to not overreact…</p>
<p>I only heard about latest info . by phone this AM . Husband talked to D some more after I went to bed . I no longer discuss boyfriend issues with D . D is much calmer with her dad . There is real agony for me because the boyfriend issue is distracting her from enjoying college ! Her grades are fine . I know boyfriend’s parents aren’t happy about D distracting their son from school , so I don’t think they would support D coming there to live either ! There is some comfort in this fact .</p>
<p>Is the bf still coming to visit at xmas?</p>
<p>If my kid considered dropping out of college to be with an overseas underage bf/gf the money stream would be cut off immediately. I would not support that.</p>
<p>Emeraldkitty: oh but how quickly that can change…</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who are suggesting a compromise…</p>
<p>Is this the daughter who calls you several times a day? Maybe she is just lonely, I imagine you have suggested getting involved with groups on campus, how did that work out?</p>
<p>Kids should not be making important lifetime decisions based on boyfriends and girlfriends.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose son passed up a top college to go to a community college that was near his girlfriend.</p>
<p>Kids should be told (I know they don’t want to hear it) that they have no long term experience or long term perspective, and that they should not make such decisions for themselves. What if the boyfriend later dumps her? Then she will be out of luck.</p>
<p>When I was a kid, I passed up going to ROTC summer camp, because I was afraid I would lose my girlfriend. After all, I would be gone a whole six weeks, and that is a lifetime when you are 19 years old, and insecure about girls. Well, she wound up “losing me” anyway, and then, I never pursued that dream I had.</p>
<p>You don’t have much leverage in these situations except money. I agree with those who advise cutting off the funds if she goes to Europe to live with him. If they are going to act like adults, they can support themselves like adults. I sound like Dr. Laura but IMHO she was right about not paying the bills for kids if they want to “shack up”.</p>
<p>Wow, I feel for you. Stress to her the importance of her education. Hopefully, she will keep bf on the back burner. Best of luck!</p>
<p>PS. Does she know you are on CC and read your posts?</p>