<p>I really don't get this whole issue. Unless financial reasons restrict a student's options or there are personal/health reasons that need to be taken into consideration for the student or their family that would make it wise for the student to stay close to home, why, other than parental selfishness, would we restrict where our kids go to school? I just don't get it. My s's have looked all over the country. S#1 applied to his school ED (after visiting 13), but did understand that we used the local state Tech school as a benchmark for comparison. That is, was any school he applied to (1) a better fit (2) offer a better education than the very cost effective and good state Tech school. If he hadn't gotten into his ED school, he planned to apply to 2 others (in the NE, far from us) that were good choices for him (better than the Tech school, which he had been accepted to). We couldn't see, for example, his applying to Worcester Polytech over our Tech school (no offense to Worcester), but encouraged him to look at a variety of schools all over the country. </p>
<p>Ditto for younger s, who is using our state flagship U as the benchmark for comparison. Its HUGE, and he really doesn't want to go to a big school, but he can apply to (and probably get into) the honors program (though he doesn't want to go). He still would prefer a smaller school, and again, we are looking high and low at a variety of schools (have visited 4 so far and have 6 other visits planned). Yes, I would love to have him close to home so he could get come easily for holidays and not have to worry about flights and weather and such, but that is my issue, not his. Thank heavens for the internet and cellphones. I speak to my older s a whole lot more than I spoke to my parents when I was in college, and I went to college only 1 1/2 hrs from home (I never went home except for holidays). </p>
<p>The ONLY advantage I found to living close to home was (1) I could bring friends home with me for holidays who lived far away and couldn't get to their homes and (2) one year I got all the way home for winter break, realized I'd left my dress that I planned to wear for new years eve in my dorm room-- so I turned around and drove back to get it.</p>
<p>I really don't get this whole issue. Unless financial reasons restrict a student's options or there are personal/health reasons that need to be taken into consideration for the student or their family that would make it wise for the student to stay close to home, why, other than parental selfishness, would we restrict where our kids go to school? I just don't get it.</p>
<p>jym626 -- Hard to figure, isn't it?</p>
<p>The young adult who really feels s/he isn't ready to be too "far away," if left to make the distance decision, will pick schools nearby. The young adult who does not care about the distance will pick whatever school fits his or her criteria within their budget or means. </p>
<p>The most interesting situation arises when the young adult does desire to get away and wants to put some serious distance between herself and the "peeps." A review of the student postings indicate that some feel the need for significant miles to minimize the "drop in" parent. These parents are now called "helicopter" parents because they continue to hover over their S or D in college. Nice euphemism. It maybe a close question of who needs to grow up.</p>
<p>If my son felt strongly about moving far away, AND we could afford all the logistical concerns, AND he demonstrated that it really was important to him and he really was ready, no way would I hold him back!</p>
<p>But, he doesn't. He has his heart set on UT Austin which is 1.5 hours away. He said it was the coolest school of all those he considered, regardless of location. Hey, that works for me. So then, WHY am I even reading this thread???</p>
<p>My husband and I met in college in VA and encouraged our only child to look East for school. I was so thankful that she could see that as a small town girl, college in LA or NYC was going to be more than a little intimidating. Instead, she chose a small college in Roanoke, VA and we took the opportunity to move back to Virginia. We're living an hour away from her at college and we've all agreed upon rules about her coming home. We all want he to have the "going away to college" experience. We're close if she REALLY needs us and the real beauty is that we're available to host her out of state friends during breaks. Right now, I have three young women working on their laptops in my living room. Earlier, I enjoyed a rousing game of Catchphrase with them while my husband loudly played Bob Dylan CDs from his upstairs office. He and I are volunteer members of the Parents' Council at the college. We love our life here and our daughter loves coming home to us from time to time. The difficult thing is that her friends from her high school years are back in Texas. There would have been trade offs no matter what situation developed. I love what we've come up with.</p>
<p>It totally depends on the kid and the family situation and the state you live in. We live in CA and I want my son to go out of state because I think it would be nice for him to really get to know another part of the country. My son is also very independent. He already spent the summer 4 hours away as a camp counselor. However, if he chooses a school in CA, then so be it. I can only encourage and open his eyes to schools other than the ones everyone in his school talks about - most kids in his high school choose in-state public because it's cheaper.</p>
<p>My parents originally told me no more than 3 hours away, I believe, in the beginning of high school. I'm currently 8 hours away (around 425 miles), which isn't that hard of a drive or that long of a flight (about an hour), that is, excluing getting to an airport. The nearest feasible airport flies back to my home town for about $1400 round trip. I could go to NYC and fly, which is significantly cheaper (around $100-$150 round trip), but that takes much more travel time, train fare, taxi fare, etc. I have another friend who is about the same distance from our home city, but she can hop on a plane and fly back inexpensively whenever she wants. So, like everyone else has said, logistics are very important - the same distance may mean VERY different things in money, time, and travel.</p>
<p>It's because are family is small and my mom wants to protect us and be there for us. So, she doesn't want us to go to a college outside of NYC area. I can't even go upstate.</p>
<p>Distance is, as dressup... says, only one consideration. D is a 3-day drive from home, but flights are direct and inexpensive. This was one factor when choosing between two colleges -- easy access to home for holidays and such.</p>
<p>My husband and I met in college in VA and encouraged our only child to look East for school. I was so thankful that she could see that as a small town girl, college in LA or NYC was going to be more than a little intimidating. Instead, she chose a small college in Roanoke, VA and we took the opportunity to move back to Virginia. We're living an hour away from her at college and we've all agreed upon rules about her coming home. We all want he to have the "going away to college" experience. We're close if she REALLY needs us and the real beauty is that we're available to host her out of state friends during breaks.</p>
<h1>1TexasMom----WHO was it that picked VA. for D to go to college? Don't you find it a little strange that you and her Dad just happened to want to move back to Virginia?</h1>
<p>PS, I've been to Pampa, TX. Did D get to go visit friends at TexasTech and take ski trips to Colorado without you or her father while she was in HS? </p>
<p>Did she go visit LA or NYC to make the decision on her own concerning how intimidating it might be to go to school there?</p>
<p>I ask because I have an only child, a S, and he went to a small HS (87 total in his class) in Texas. He was a summer camper for 11 years in Colorado and I encouraged him to learn to downhill ski which took him to Wyoming, Montana, Colorado and British Columbia. He flew from Texas to camp in Colorado without a parent starting at age 7 and sometimes went on ski trips with me and sometime with other families from his school. He has picked Columbia as his "top" choice after visiting NYC (w/o parental involvement).</p>
<p>I have yet to meet migratory parents whose S or D asked them to move to be near the college that young adult "chose" to attend. Did your D ask or was it your idea?</p>
<p>07DAD, what makes you think you have the right to judge #1TexasMom's FAMILY DECISION???</p>
<p>I think your post is WAY out of line. There have been hints of judgmentalism in other people's posts, but yours really crossed the line.</p>
<p>btw, NO WAY IN HELL would I let a 7-yo child fly BY HIMSELF.</p>
<p>(Ahem, WHOSE decision was it to let your 7-yo travel by himself, anyway? I wasn't aware that a 7-yo was capable of making such a decision. Did your S ask or was it your idea?)</p>
<p>Not ALL kids are ready to go travel the world ALONE, and certainly not at the same age as all other kids. Kids' temperaments (notice I said temperament, NOT maturity - it is not necessarily immature to not be ready for traveling alone) vary, and it's not necessarily a bad thing if the kid isn't quite as adventurous as another kid. Sometimes, it might be a really healthy thing. But, other times it could even be a sign of a family that's not very close.</p>
<h1>1TexasMom's family sounds like they are close and she knows her kid. Are you jealous, perhaps, to react with such arrogant judgmentalism?</h1>
<p>What floors me is that you seem to be proud of your LACK of 'parental involvement.'</p>
<p>Parental CONTROLLING is a bad thing, sure, but what is wrong with parental INVOLVEMENT?</p>
<p>I'm sure there is more to texasmom's story then what she posted here. I agree with lealdragon that we shouldn't be judging each others choices too harshly - especially if one is at the other end of the spectrum and sending a 7year old on a plane. I bet there is more to that story too. </p>
<p>I do know of one other family that moved to the same town as their oldest child's college but it was more of a coincindence then a plan. That student was not real happy at first but grew to like it when she realized that her parents were not popping in for visits and she could see her younger siblings when she wanted to.</p>
<p>I have no problem with parental involvement, but some of what I read far surpasses involvement.</p>
<p>I also wonder why parents would want to give up their homes, their jobs/careers/their friends, to move to be near their children in college, so I also think there simply must be more to this story. At least I hope so.</p>
<p>I also wonder why parents would want to give up *their *homes, their jobs/careers/their friends, to move to be near their children in college</p>
<p>-Allmusic-</p>
<p>Point well taken. Some people make their Offspring their LIFE. More important than their adult relationship with their spouse, developing and maintaining adult friends, etc.</p>
<p>lealdragon--</p>
<p>Is where a young adult wishes to attend college and spend several years of his life really "a family decision," like where to go on vacation? I don't think so. At what point will there ever be a personal decision of that young adult? After both parents have died?</p>
<p>I did ask my son if he was comfortable making the non-stop flight to camp without me or his mom. He said that sounded neat. I knew he was not afraid of flying because by 7 he and I had flown together 8-10 times when he and I (alone) went camping, whitewater rafting, skiing. I took him to the airport and since it was pre-9/11 I got to escort him onto the plane, etc. I believe temperment is at least in part environmental (i.e., parents do effect this trait). </p>
<p>I know you home-schooled, but it is my belief that a purpose of my involvement on a daily and personal basis with my S was to prepare him for adulthood, i.e., to go out, make his decisions and live HIS life.</p>
<p>Judgmental? I guess I don't see it. If you want to criticize me it cannot be for lack of being actively involved, it would have to be for my purpose. I am not ashamed to announce that I have raised my S to not be timid, to make his decisions using good judgment, to accept the consequnces of his choices and decisions and to relish life. I have and will continue to offer myself to him as a resourse to discuss any issue he wishes. I will not try to make his decision on where he goes to college under any guise.</p>
<p>Im hearing a lot of emotional energy being expended to try and explain the superiority of the way some families make choices regarding college selection and how distance is considered if at all.</p>
<p>I don't think one is better than the other- it can be helpful to hear the reasoning process of others, but ulimately, the students and their families are the ones living with their decision.</p>
<p>I also don't think, anyones' mind is going to be changed, but it seems that some * really need* for others to be convinced that the way * they* went about it was the right way, and the way they can prove that is by arguing that another way is * wrong*.</p>
<p>Why is it so difficult to understand that there is more than one way to do something?</p>
<p>Well said, ek.
I haven't read the whole thread, but I was surprised that that last few posts started to remind me of how the political threads get--- only a <em>little</em> less contentious. I personally still think that where my kid wants to go to school is his decision, since fortunately we don't have to put constraints on the travel expenses aspect. I must admit, IF ALL THINGS WERE EQUAL, I might throw a travel discussion into the mix. For eg, if my younger s. were looking at, say Williams, he'd have to get to the Albany airport (an hour away) weather permitting, and then would have to change planes somewhere to get home. Thats a pain. Or, he'd have to get the the Hartford Airport (a 2 1/2 hr drive) to get a direct flight. Also a pain. And he'd have to get to the airports. Williams helps with that,but it is another factor in the mix. My older s can take the bus or shuttle (or drive) to the major airports(s) in his (current) college town and fly home direct. Thats relatively painless. Not as painless as a short drive, but relatively painless. My younger s is looking across the country. Its stull fly-able, but its a long flight,and probably silly to do for short holidays (like thanksgiving). Again, only if all things are equal will this become a serious discussion... But thats just us....</p>
<p>I've learned a lot from reading how other families have approached the college experience. Not only where they've been successful, but also where they've had problems. I also understand we only share small snippets of our lives (well some more than others - ;)), and there's always more to the story than can be told in a few short paragraphs. </p>
<p>For instance, #1TexasMom shared a small amount of info regarding her daughter's path to finding a college in VA., followed by her family's return move to VA. My husband and I will probably be moving after my youngest son graduates from high school, and I would love to know more about how her daughter adjusted this. My oldest son has enjoyed coming home during his college breaks and getting together with his old high school friends, and my younger son won't have this opportunity if we move. Thanks #1TexasMom, and I look forward to reading more about how you and your daughter have handled this.</p>