Would you restrict your child from going to a school because of distance from home?

Parents Forum
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I also understand we only share small snippets of our lives (well some more than others - ), and there's always more to the story than can be told in a few short paragraphs.</p>

<p>For instance, #1TexasMom shared a small amount of info regarding her daughter's path...

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<p>Exactly my point. We all share SNIPPETS and there is ALWAYS more to the story, so I don't think anyone should jump on someone with all those questions about personal details, like 07DAD did.</p>

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I know you home-schooled, but it is my belief that a purpose of my involvement on a daily and personal basis with my S was to prepare him for adulthood, i.e., to go out, make his decisions and live HIS life.

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<p>See what I mean? I shared a snippet of my son's story - the part about him being homeschooled - and now it's being tossed back as though it somehow explains my stance on other issues, as though 07DAD now has me pegged. 07DAD, are you insinuating that just because I homeschooled I DON'T have the same goals you do, to prepare him for adulthood?</p>

<p>07DAD, your sharing a bit more about your son - the fact that he'd been on a plane many times previously - shed some light on why you made the decision you did in allowing him to fly alone. Likewise, undoubtedly #1Texasmom and I and others all have MORE to our stories.</p>

<p>I just thought your pointed questions seemed very accusatory. #1Texasmom is not obligated to tell us more details and should not be made to feel that she MUST explain her (or her kid's) decisions to us.</p>

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Is where a young adult wishes to attend college and spend several years of his life really "a family decision," like where to go on vacation? I don't think so. At what point will there ever be a personal decision of that young adult?

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<p>You are making some assumptions here. OF COURSE it's the kid's decision, within certain parameters. At least that's the way it is in our family. Our son knows that we will completely support him as best we can, regardless of where he chooses to go to school, or even whether he decides to go to school at all! (Do YOUR kids have the option to not go to school AT ALL? Mine does.) He has selected out-of-state schools, a school 1.5 hours away, and one here in town. He knows that the choice is entirely his. The ONLY reasons we have any parameters AT ALL are financial concerns. </p>

<p>Apparently you have misinterpreted my comments. I personally cannot fathom moving someplace to be near my son's college - the idea is preposterous to me - but it didn't sound to me like that's even what #1Texasmom did. Her family obviously had different circumstances. It sounded to me like they were leaning towards moving back there as a family anyway. Whatever - it doesn't matter! The point is that what she and her kid decided are none of anyone else's business, and it's not our place to interrogate them about their decisions.</p>

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I believe temperment is at least in part environmental (i.e., parents do effect this trait).

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<p>Sure. And it's also partly nature. Ask anyone with more than 1 child and they will tell you that sometimes 2 kids raised exactly the same way will be totally opposite.</p>

<p>Anyway, sorry I pounced on you. It was in response to your pouncing on #1Texasmom. I've been pounced on before for sharing a snippet and so maybe I'm a bit sensitive to it. If we judge others when we don't know the whole story, people might not be so comfortable sharing their snippets.</p>

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<p>Our son knows that we will completely support him as best we can, regardless of where he chooses to go to school, or even whether he decides to go to school at all! (Do YOUR kids have the option to not go to school AT ALL? Mine does.)</p>

<p>lealdragon--</p>

<p>This is a great topic and I think it fits with the distance issue. YES, my S has the choice not to go to college and when to start if he does decide to go. </p>

<p>I informed him that I would provide an around the world ticket, good for 1 year of travel (it is not prohibitively expensive; much less than it cost to feed him as a teenager), if he figured out how to support himself. He has taken me up on that offer. </p>

<p>On his own, he has gotten hired for 10 weeks as a counselor at that camp I keep going on about (in Colorado) and has a serious lead on employment in NZ for the following 2 months. He thinks that the money earned in the summer and early fall (using US seasons) combined with the $$ he has earned from tutoring during mid and high school and from dishwashing all summer at camp the last 2 years will be sufficient.</p>

<p>I told him that my financial participation in his education (which is a fixed amount) was for whatever schooling he COMPLETED in 7 years after HS. He may not "do" college, but I think he will. </p>

<p>What about it parents? Do you try to force your S/D to go to college or not?</p>

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<p>Thanks for sharing more about your son's options and your family's lifestyle. There is a wide range of resources and lifestyles represented on this forum, so it is to be expected that we will have different approaches and make different decisions.</p>

<p>In answer to your question, we do not force our son to go to college. But we did insist that he PREPARE for college, so that he will have the option of going to college if he decides to. For him, since he was homeschooled, that pretty much just amounts to the same thing other parents do - make school mandatory throughout the end of high school while doing the best he can.</p>

<p>I know some homeschooling parents who make all of learning optional, and they insist that the kid will 'pick up what he needs.' Sometimes such kids flourish - there is a book about some kids homeschooled with such an approach who went to Harvard. otoh, I know of some who fell thru the cracks and missed the option of being able to attend college. Ah, but wait, the same is true of conventional schooling. <wink></wink></p>

<p>And, since we don't have the luxury of finances as you do, we are not able to give him as many options regarding WHEN to go to college. He knows that if he chooses to leave home (which he probably will) he will have to go this fall (which would normally be his freshman year) if he wants to be eligible for scholarships and not have to go into debt. He knows that we can't guarantee how much we can pay, so going into debt is likely if he doesn't get scholarships. Therefore, it is a smart decision to go in the fall rather than waiting. That's not an issue because he is already attending college part-time and is looking forward to transferring to his college of choice in the fall. He knows that he COULD take a year off or go part-time, but there will be a financial price for such a decision. Not as much freedom as he'd have if we didn't have financial constraints, but hey, that's life. His life, anyway!</p>

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<p>Glad to see you guys are moving on and changing the subject. Good idea all the way around.</p>

<p>As for your new topic, I have a different approach entirely. I will support s's going to college wherever he wants, but he WILL go to college. I cannot fathom his not going, unless he wins the Miss America contest or American Idol (both have about equal probability, and yes, I said Miss America..) and takes a year off to "tour". It helps that the school he attends boasts that 100% of its students are accepted to a 4 yr college (do all go? Well, almost all. One recently went into the Peace Corps or something similar). One student a few yrs back dropped out , perhaps so that this 100% acceptance thing wouldn't be an issue (I am hypothesizing)... well he went up to NY and is on SNL (Kenan Thompson) so you'd think the school proudly reports that he attended the school. Nope. It is just "expected" that all graduates will go on to college. That's just the way it is. I can't imagine either of my kids not wanting to go onto college. If they wanted to take a gap year, I suppose we'd talk about it, but it has absolutely never come up. Ever. </p>

<p>So there you have it. Different strokes for different folks. The boys can go absolutely wherever they want. We will support that. I guess I can't really answer what would happen if they didn't want to go. I just can't imagine. I would like to think I could be open-minded and support it. Honestly, I can't imagine having that conversation. I am hoping I never will have to....</p>

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<p>What if he decided to join a rock band or become a sculptor? or get married and work as a waiter? Don't some of the students forgo college because of life circumstances, like getting pregnant, etc.? You mean that all who apply get accepted, not that all who go to this school go to college, right?</p>

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<p>No chance.</p>

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<p>No chance of your own kids. But don't some of the other students at that high school ever get pregnant? Or is it an all-boys school? Just curious. I mean, life does happen, even at prestigious schools. I'm trying to understand how that could be possible (to have a 100% college rate).</p>

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<p>Just telling you their dictum. 100% of their graduating seniors are accepted into a 4 yr college. Do some not go? I suppose. Do some not graduate? I suppose. But as I said in my previous post, that is the school's dictum and they are proud of it.</p>

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<p>No question about D going to college, it was something she wanted to do ever since she heard what college <em>was</em>. She wasn't older than 2nd grade.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the explanation.</p>

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<p>It was a BIG deal a few yrs ago when one girl wanted to go into the Americorps program and not to college. It was the year my older s graduated. The school does NOT want to lose its reputation of getting 100% of its students into 4 yr colleges. I believe the girl in question applied to, and was accepted to a school that she then asked for a year deferral so she could go into the Americorps. I don't know of anyone else who has "tested" the policy. Not to say it hasn't happened. I just do not know of anyone. And like TheDad's dau, my kids have always wanted to go to college. Younger s works pt time in a fast food joint. He sees what happens to people who don't go to college. He doesn't have to be convinced! And he has no artistic or musical skills, so won't be joining a band of become a sidewalk artist. And I've seen him at the fast food restaurant. I doubt he'll become a waiter either!!</p>

<p>*** By the way, lealdragon, I believe you edited your post #225 a time or two after I posted my response(#226) so my response may have sounded incomplete. I believe you added the question about the other kids at my boys school after I responded. Your original post just asked about my s becoming an artist, musician, get married or work as a waiter (and it ended after that). Thats all pretty funny, if you knew my s!</p>

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<p>Jym, there are a lot of options for young people who don't choose college beyond working at fast food restaurants. I think a gap year or a stint with Americorps can be an invaluable experience for many. My son's 3 years working were far more valuable to him, both as a learning experience and as a foundation for his future career goals, than his first 2 years of college -- I'm glad he took the time off to work. (It took him less than 2 weeks to be promoted to the first level of management at his first job). Many of my daughter's dancer friends chose to try to launch their professional dance careers rather than college, and some have done quite well for themselves; if she had wanted to pursue dance professionally, I think I would have encouraged her to at least consider that route, especially if she had wanted to continue with ballet. </p>

<p>There are a lot of kids who are in college but clueless about what they want to do with their lives. Some of them will do well, but some are wasting their own time and their parents money -- and would do better with some time to mature and explore outside of college. </p>

<p>Anyway... the point is that there are many different paths. I understand why your kids' school is proud of its college record, but I wouldn't have wanted my kids at a high school with that sort of attitude -- it's too bad that the girl who wanted to opt for Americorps had to face such pressure against what I am sure was a very valid choice. I think it can be a real sign of maturity when a kid realizes that he or she is not quite ready for college and opts to follow a different path.</p>

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<p>My daughter can go anywhere she wants to college (assuming she gets in), so long as she wears a GPS anklet and checks in by cell phone every couple of hours when she deviates from our consensually derived pre-determined itineraries. The bonus is I have found online an anklet that also monitors her blood alcohol levels and level of physical excitement.</p>

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<p>I had an internet problem while editing that post.</p>

<p>Maybe I've just seen too many Law & Order episodes about college-age kids being afraid to tell their parents what they really wanted, or that they were gay or whatever. You're fortunate that your sons' college plans are in alignment with what you want for them. It's very difficult when the kid wants something different but is unable to communicate that to the parents, out of pressure or expectation that he'll follow a certain path. For example a kid who DID want to become an artist or a bartender might have a really tough time with parents who expect him to go to college. It does happen, and probably more than the school will readily admit.</p>

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<p>Bedhead, sounds like you have discovered the solution to the college drinking problem!</p>

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<p>I find it kind of mean that the school made a big deal out of a girl wanting to do service work and delay college for a year</p>

<p>frankly none of the arrogant school administration's business, if you ask me</p>

<p>What "policy" is it that a graduating student has to go to a 4 year school</p>

<p>WOW....I find that just bizarre...what about someone joining the military, what if finances were and issue and the student needed to do a CC for a variety of reasons, what the school makes an issue of it for the schools "pride"</p>

<p>Just bad form if you ask me, a schools "reputation" or "dictum" or whatever, should not be used to make kids feel bad if life circumstances cause them to go in a different direction</p>

<p>I wouldn't want my kids at a school like that</p>

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I wouldn't want my kids at a school like that

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<p>I agree totally. I was trying to be polite and not say anything judgmental (especially since I had just judged someone for being judgmental) but, now that you put it that way, I'd have to agree. It does sound like the school is more interested in their reputation than in honoring what's best for each individual student.</p>

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<p>I must not have chosen my words correctly, for all of you to feel that the school's reputation, of having 100 percent get into college, is bad. It has been a great thing and the school is a great school. It has a very thriving and successful arts program (as well as sports, etc), and kids go to all sorts of institutions of higher learning is all sorts of fields. In addition to the strong, highly capable student, the school also has phenomenal resources for kids with learning differences, and helps them immensely. The school is proud of the girl who went to Americorps, but all families do understand that this is a college prep school and kids are expected to apply to college. There is nothing wrong with this. Perhaps I was too black and white, typing while trying to catch the end of the superbowl. Maybe I emphasized things strongly in my post, and gave the wrong message. that was not my intent. But the school,and the administration is anything but arrogant.</p>

<p>By the way, the school also works carefully with each student as they work to identify the colleges they choose to apply to,and then encourage each student to apply to no more than six. Most students apply to about 4. If a student wants to apply to more than 6, they can apply to 1 or 2 more, but those applications are completed after everyones first 6 are done. I think this is wise. This business of kids applying to 12-25 schools or more is getting way out of hand.
So if I painted the wrong picture of the school, my bad. Its a wonderful place.</p>

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<p>I still think the 100% is a harsh...what if you are the one kid who blows it for the school that year....</p>

<p>you know, we aren' t 100% anymore, cause becky went to a CC, shame on her....</p>

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<p>By the way, there are many talented artists and musicians at this school. The schools' band has won numerous state awards, and the arts magazine, as well as the school newspaper and yearbook have won lots of awards. There are wonderful classes offered in film, drama, video editing and the like, and the kids are all encouraged to find their individuality. Again, I am sorry if I painted the wrong picture, but probably did react to some of you being so judgemental, which, I am sorry to see, is still occurring.</p>

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<p>Let me try to explain again.... all graduating students are accepted to 4 year colleges. Perhaps they dont all go, but they are all accepted.( I believe I've said this 3 times.) This is a college prep school. The school does a wonderful job of preparing the kids well to go to college. I get my money's worth and I am not disappointed.</p>