<p>Our problem is too, too the opposite. Our son -- one of seven kids -- doesn't want to go outside driving distance -- 5.5 hours one way is his limit -- and it has severely limited his choices!</p>
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FYI, the shortest distance between Atlanta, GA and Dallas (which is 800 miles, as the crow flies) was NOT through New Orleans, but what the hey!!
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<p>I've done that drive and via New Orleans too. :)</p>
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People who go farther away for school usually become more independent and mature because they have to learn how to do everything on their own.
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<p>That's what every college newspaper/leaflet/online article says. Check out the thread about satisfied commuters over in "College Life". We do exist, and you could be one too. I had the choice to either live on campus at a school in another state, or to commute to the in-state University. I made the choice to commute and was a little sad for all of 10 minutes, until I realized all the stuff that I wouldn't have to put up with and that I could maintain good relations with my family members, be there for them, and they would be there for me. </p>
<p>You'll see more of this over at the thread, but you actually get more freedom when you commute. You set your own hours, if you want quiet, you can have quiet without trekking all the way down to the school library or whatever, you can eat food when you want, how you want, without having to rely on the school cafeteria and all the people therein, you can separate your college life and personal life more easily, etc etc. </p>
<p>I read a newspaper article that living on dorms is fun for about a month or so, until the reality of having to share your space with other people and all of the problems therein hits you, then it becomes a frustrating mess that I'm glad I avoided. </p>
<p>And besides, with a lot of kids "boomeranging" (<--izzat a word?) back home after graduating college and seeing the exorbitant prices of housing, isn't it better to just save yourself the trouble and commute now? Trust me, it's not bad ;)</p>
<p>i did restrict my D on this and have no problem with anyone else doing this. she ended up 12 hours from home but a 2.5 hour flight, but i nix'ed some west coast options and a midwest option. after D picked an option that was 4x as much as our instate option, UF, i have no issue with telling her the cost of travel to and from is on her tab, along with books and spending money after year 1.</p>
<p>66472--I have to ask.</p>
<p>What factors made you "nix" the west coast options and one mid-west option? Was it only the distance? </p>
<p>Coast to coast by direct air can be done non-stop between major cities in less than 6 hours, so it seems that there isn't much real difference in "time." </p>
<p>If the cost of air from the approved option is going to be borne by your D, was your concern that she couldn't afford to come home everytime she (or you) wanted and stay within her budget? </p>
<p>I'm guessing, but if you told your D that transportation had to come out of the fixed amount you agreed to contribute, you still had to "nix" those options because she said OK, she understood that the increase in travel cost would reduce her disposable money, but still wanted to have those options. Is that what happened?</p>
<p>My S has no restriction and is looking no closer than 800 and as far as 2000 miles away. He's on a fixed amount from me. I felt that it was acceptable for him to be able to chose the school he wanted, even if it meant that there would be fewer visits home. Is this where you and I don't see eye to eye?</p>
<p>This was not a money issue for me. Personally, I think it depends on the child. I know my S better than anyone. I know what his struggles have been throughout high school (yes, I am referring to peer pressure.) He is on the younger side, and if given the chance again, I would undoubtedly have held him back a year. He's very smart but makes poor choices. He is someone that if you give him even an inch of rope, he will likely find a way to hang himself. In fact, together we have both agreed that staying in town and going to his local state university is the best and brightest decision we could have made. :)</p>
<p>As parents you really have to trust your instincts as to whether you feel your kids will flourish across country (or at any large distance.) I had my doubts about my D attending an east coast school. Now, after seeing all the pressures from normal everyday life at college, she has admitted that going far away would have been disastrous. Just because you S or D is 18 and has the option of going away, doesn't mean it's in their best interest. You really need to sit down and weigh out the pros and cons. In the end, you want your child to do the very best they can while hopefully having a wonderful college experience.</p>
<p>it never really even came up for older D
while I suggested schools especially the womens colleges on the east coast- she wasn't interested- she has traveled and wanted to stay on this coast.</p>
<p>I think there is a great deal of maturity involved at realizing how stressful travel can be for you, exciting of course, but also can be a huge hassle and exhausting.
It isn't like if they don't go 5000 miles away before they are 22, that, that will be their only opportunity * ever* ;)</p>
<p>Younger d I think needs a smaller school and one in a good sized town.city, more than she needs to be close - she is considering schools that fit that bill on this coast- however- as her academic background isn't necessarily as strong as her sisters- we may have to look farther out.</p>
<p>Distance is only one criteria- I weighted transportation heavier than distance.
If a school is only 1000 miles away, but is 80 miles from the nearest airport and that requires a transfer to a larger airport, that is going to rank lower than a school 4000 miles away that has train/air & bus service</p>
<p>When I was 17, I moved out of my parents house and about 5 miles away.
I rarely visited or called, and never moved back ( except for a few weeks a few years later, when I was inbetween apts)
I know some kids who are practically as far as you can get and still be in the continental US, who called home every day. Some parents even made sure their kids had webcams so they could * see* them</p>
<p>Everyone has a different idea of what distance means I think.</p>
<p>I'm from the Northeast and have co-workers who make it a priority that their kids' schools be chosen based on the "4-hr drive from home" rule. My own kids are 600 and 1000 miles from home and have access to cheap, non-stop flights (especially if I look for airfare deals online and buy tix way ahead like at the holidays). I am trying to convince 2 co-workers to ditch the rule and at least LOOK at campuses elsewhere but they are adamant. In both cases it's the PARENTS who cannot bear to have their kids so "far away" and they have totally brainwashed the kids into thinking that only Mom can do their dirty laudry when they come home on weekends. One of the kids was accepted to a Chicago school and the other applied to a Cali school but each parent just says that the instate university is plenty good for their kid.</p>
<p>Like thousands of kids who really "go away" to college, my 2 have had to mature and DEAL, and that includes sickness (go to the infirmary), no money? (get a job), dirty laundry? ( get rolls of quarters at the bank and Tide at Target), roommmate a beyotch? (ask for mediation thru Housing...this actually worked and my D couldn't believe that she had the power to affect change and is much happier in her dorm.) Don't like the food? (if you're not puking then the food is fine, plus Ramen noodles are 3-for-a buck at the grocery store). Need to get from one end of the city to another and its really cold and no one you know has a car? (it's called public transportation; you'll get used to standing on subway platforms and and at bus stops...just dress in layers.) Lots of homework and the prof didn't understand your latest paper? (yea, I can relate...my boss doesn't get me either). </p>
<p>To my kids.....Love you guys!!</p>
<p>Monty, I still don't understand why this independence can't be accomplished anywhere, regardless of distance. Would a kid living two or three or four hours away be more likely to run home on weekends to have mom do laundry than your kids? Or return frequently for home-cooked meals? I doubt it. Do you need to live 3000 miles from home to learn how to take a bus? God, no. I can't imagine any high-school-aged kid being unable to figure that out. Independence does not correlate with geographic distance. Read Emrald's post #167. She was totally independent as a 17 year old living only five miles from home. Some students living across the country call mom five times a day & can't make a simple decision without parental input.</p>
<p>At the beginning of the college search, D thought she wanted to go far, far away. She plays a sport. If she had gone far, far away, I would have been able to watch her play once or twice a year. So, I asked her "What's the difference if you're a 3 hour car ride away or a 3 hour plane ride away?"<br>
My friend's daughter goes to school about 800 miles from here. She got in a bad car accident. Mom HAD to let the school handle it -- there was nothing she could do. So, yes, emergencies do happen. Are you willing to let the school handle them?</p>
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I'm from the Northeast and have co-workers who make it a priority that their kids' schools be chosen based on the "4-hr drive from home" rule.
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<p>One advantage of the 4-hr drive from home rule is that it enables parents to drive the student and all the student's stuff to school in the fall and pick it all up at the end of the year without needing to stay overnight in the college community. I would have preferred that my daughter choose a school within that radius for just that reason. It's going to be more expensive and more inconvenient to transport her stuff because she chose a school that's a 7-hr drive from home (my 51-year-old backside cannot tolerate 14 hours in a car in a single day).</p>
<p>fpfan--that's a good point. If your child performs on stage or is in sports, it's nice to be able to see them, just as you did in HS. My daughter was in a dance group and it was only her senior year that I was finally able to arrange to see some performances. OTOH, I wouldn't have forced her to go to State Uni instead of Columbia on my account!</p>
<p>And unless your child has some pre-existing medical condition, I wouldn't choose a school on the assumption that an accident will happen requiring your immediate and personal assistance.</p>
<p>they really don't need to bring that much stuff home
some they can store- either in storage facilities who even usually come to campus
at friends rooms or houses that are staying in town
another big plus for a laptop over a desktop, because they also will be needing to bring work home over breaks</p>
<p>OK --Your D's sick and so is everyone else on campus. She really feels bad. You go to her school, take her to a motel, AND---</p>
<p>On December 17, 1968, Mackle On December 17, 1968, Mackle – then a 20-year-old Emory University student – was staying at the Rodeway Inn in Decatur, Georgia with her mother. Mackle was sick with the Hong Kong flu, which had severely struck the student body of Emory, and her mother had driven to the Atlanta area to take care of her daughter and then drive her daughter back to the family home in Coral Gables, Florida for the Christmas break. A stranger, Gary Steven Krist, knocked on the door, claiming to be with the police and told Mackle that her fianc</p>
<p>A stranger, Gary Steven Krist, knocked on the door, claiming to be with the police and told Mackle that her fianc</p>
<p>In addition to all the great points already mentioned:</p>
<p>The logistical issues of having to ship big items like guitars and computers. My son pretty much decided against an oos school when he realized he wouldn't be able to just pack up his super hot gaming machine and electric guitar, throw them in the back seat, and have access to them on holidays.</p>
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As parents you really have to trust your instincts as to whether you feel your kids will flourish across country (or at any large distance.) ... Just because you S or D is 18 and has the option of going away, doesn't mean it's in their best interest.
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<p>So true! I wanted my son to have the option of going far away if he really wanted to, but really, being on his own an hour's drive away is STILL being on his own and quite an initiation! They don't HAVE to be far away to become independent.</p>
<p>Where there's a will there's a way. I've got to believe that there are kids more then a day's drive away that are in sports, performances, and have awkward things to haul and still make it work. It's all a matter of priorities. When my daughter was in HS she was in choir, fall drama and spring musical. I never missed a performance and actually saw the drama and musical every night they perfomed plus ran the snack bar. (overinvolved Mom) In college my daughter decided to just do comedy improv. It was difficult not seeing her performance live her first two years and I won't see it this year either. </p>
<p>Who's to say that a student will stay in a sport or do the same activities in college? My daughter did chorus for 9 years, but decided to get involved in different things in college. Her college is 16 hours away. We go out there once a year and she comes home for her two breaks. During the summer she stores things at school. She actually flew out to college by herself freshman year and it wasn't that bad.</p>
<p>My son insisted he needed his desktop computer and hauls it both ways when he drives home from college - 6 hours. We've talked about renting a storage place for his stuff in the summer.</p>
<p>I'm not saying any of the concerns about performances or sporting events, or hauling stuff are not valid, but they should be weighed along with academics, and whatever else the student wants out of a school. For us, a little distance is okay.</p>
<p>In some cases there simply are opportunities that exist because of geographical location. This might not be as common a concern for those who live along the eastern seaboard -- but we west coasters can't really deny that there are things that our kids can get at school in Washington DC or New York precisely because they ARE in or near those cities... and depending on area of interest, there may be some advantages to attending schools in other geographical areas, including rural areas. I mean, if a kid lives in Kansas and wants to study marine biology, it makes a lot of sense to look for a college on the east or west coast. </p>
<p>I can see a parent asking, "what does that college offer that you can't get close to home?" -- and sometimes the answer is going to be, "not much". But sometimes the answer is going to be pretty obvious. </p>
<p>For me, cost was a factor and financial aid a necessity... but I didn't have to ask my daughter what was so special about New York City. That part's rather obvious.</p>
<p>My son wants a fresh batch of faces, so he prefers the idea of a more distant campus. The closest on his list is a 5 hour drive, but I think he'd rather be in the Midwest or West to experience a different part of the country. My H and I have flexible schedules and only one child, so we do plan to see some of his plays, concerts, etc., no matter where he is. And we do expect a little admissions tip from the geographically distant schools. I don't fault my friends for insisting their kids be close by though. Every family's situation is different.</p>
<p>There are a lot of kids at our high school whose parents say "you can only apply to schools in CA" - granted we have a pretty decent UC and Cal State system, and if it's supported by the taxes we are paying, I can understand that argument. Oh yes, there are a few privates to consider as well. We told our older S "apply anywhere you want, and if you get in, we will figure out a way to make it happen". He worked hard in HS, had very decent choices and his final decision was between 1-1/2 hours away (a UC) and 3000 miles away. The adjustment is hard no matter how far they go, and because he was responsible for the final decision, there is no coming back unhappy because we forced him to be somewhere he really didn't want to be. It was a mature, rational decision on his part - that happens to involve between 4-5 roundtrip flights per year. We will not put restrictions on our younger S either. They need to own what they are doing, it doesn't mean much if they don't.</p>