@calmom he worked at part-time jobs. He lived in a combination of home and his own apartment, depending on the semester. He supposedly has a very pt job lined up for the summer. He also has done a few days here and there helping out a handyman build a deck.
We have told him he needs to find a more full-time job for the summer.
TV4caster, I hope you got my reference as, obviously, not everyone did.
I still think he should work for a while, at least a year and not at a retail job, and then reevaluate. Despite what he is saying, IME a summer is not long enough time for a kid with your son’s track record to be able to reset himself.
@TV4caster – I think that you should make your expectations clear as to what conditions must be met for him to continue to live at home, and let him make his own decisions going forward. It’s up to you to decide what those conditions are and the time frame to implement them – but if you want your kid to grow up and start living like an adult, you’ll need to start treating him like an adult.
I speak from experience. I have a son who dropped out of college at age 20,after his sophomore year. I told him in June that he could stay at home until September 1, but that after Sept.1 he needed to either have a job or be attending school, or move out. He got a job in late July, and a job promotion a few weeks later, and moved out of the house around November. He worked full time living on his own for 3 years, with a brief return for about a month or 2 when he was having difficulty finding a rental; returned to college to complete his degree at age 23, paying his own way, and ended up doing very well.
I saw a marked increase in maturity, self-sufficiency, and self-discipline once he was working and paying his own bills. Self-confidence went way up too.
Your son certainly has the capacity to handle his own life – he has a 2 year degree and enough work experience to be able to get more work if he wants to.
You don’t have to kick him out of the house: just do whatever you need to do to get across the message that you are passing the responsibility for what to do with the rest of his life on to him – as well as whatever you need to do to let go emotionally of your own sense of responsibility. In other words – given that you aren’t paying for more college in any case – it’s not really your decision to make any more – so you don’t have to worry about what advice to give.
From the information given I would say college next fall is out of the question- it would merely be the same old, same old set up for failure. The reality is that he is not engaged in his business major or he would find the courses interesting enough or see a reason to do well in them. Time for him to function outside of college. He needs to get a job and become independent of his parents- ie move out and be able to support himself.
Has he ever taken interest and aptitude tests in college? Career centers offer them- and since he may no longer qualify with his college check on your area vocational technical district for these. I and some friends took these while college sophomores, it did not change our major but was fun to see the results. The tests I took eons ago included a test that gave results showing how well I matched with those in various professions/jobs. The theory was that a person would be happy in the same type of work s/he matched with.
The difference between ADD and ADHD is the hyperactivity found in those with the latter. I let the school test my gifted son for those when he was in first grade when his teacher was concerned- he was young for his grade and bored (a PhD school psychologist tested him- he’d also been tested for early entry to kindergarten by the same person if I remember correctly). Some of the same traits occur in both giftedness and AD(H)D but there are differences- and a student can be both. I studied up on those as much as I could then and later a lot more information was available when I was involved in a school district parent committee for giftedness.
Sounds like a change is in order for your son. Taking time out now seems logical. He may discover he doesn’t really like business (I certainly don’t) despite getting the AA degree. A fresh start in some later year when he is motivated to learn a field or staying with a job he does and likes.
He needs your love and support for quitting academics at this point. This does not mean letting him be dependent on you financially, but rather emotionally.
I like this idea. Also, since he enjoys physical activity he might check out working in a gym/health club. Would he have an interest in becoming a personal trainer?
I would not send him back to college right now. He has struggled and that has likely had a negative effect on his confidence. he needs to do something he enjoys/is good at.
He sounds very much like a kid I know who decided to go into the military after a few semesters in college did not go well. This kid who never seemed motivated in school became VERY motivated to do the PT and military entrance exams. He has done very well and loves what he does.
Where does one even begin to look for testing for executive function, ADHD, autism, etc? Is there a one stop shop type of place that can do all 3 or do different types of places specialize in each type?
A good neuropsychologist should be able to evaluate for all of that–make sure that you ask them to address those specific questions.
Executive Function disorder is a symptom of Autism spectrum disorders. My friend’s son did well in HS, but when he went to college on his own he fell apart and didn’t even make it through the first semester. His parents had him evaluated and sure enough he has Aspergers. I suspect having a stay at home mom helped him to keep up with all his activities/homework/projects/schedules/chores, but when suddenly you have to do all of those things on your own and decide when to do them, it was too much to handle. Now he is taking some courses at a CC.