Wow! GREAT place!

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill
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<p>I dont' think it is our place to try to defeat a post. It is an opinion and we need to keep that in mind. In his mind, kids posting are having similar experiences he had.....that's ok. It is a heavily weighted instate school (as many are probably but not mandatory like NC). Out of staters experiences are very different depending on whether they know people there already vs. instaters who often ARE attending with 50 of their peers from h.s. I think it is believable that although we wish the instaters or all of them were open to new relationships, MANY are going through the same withdrawal/separation anxiety from home and are grasping things most familiar. It is silly to sit here and debate someone's experience from many years ago rather than accepting it for what it was meant....to validate the experience SOME students are having. I really didn't take offense to it because it is HIS opinion and HIS experience....and I was not there. Lets stay to the post....Chapel Hill is a great college town. Experiences differ and if we benefit from helping students who are having a harder time fitting in , we are serving a valuable service to them. Sometimes kids want the truth instead of "you are going to love it there, its great" The truth is that leaving home is tough no matter where you go....going out of state much tougher.....going where you know no one is even MORE tough.....it will get better but it will take time, you have to find your way and you will. I hated my University my first semester.....but after that never went home. Many of us have that experience. They just dont' hear the bad news, just the good news sometimes. Venting here where some of us are listening can be very helpful, not to dismiss their comments but to help them along.</p>

<p>IMHO, some kids bring their h.s. attitudes of exclusiveness and cliques, but most shed those very quickly.</p>

<p>I hope all of the students/parents will let us know how things are coming along. This week is better than last for my D. I hope it will continue to improve.</p>

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<p>Atlmom: You didn't take offense to it, possibly because you're not from NC. You didn't take offense to it, because you're probably not a Baptist. Substitute Jewish for Baptist in that post, and you'd feel differently. People would be jumping all over this poster. There's really no difference in his biases and that type of discrimination; they are equally offensive and unnecessary. </p>

<p>Frankly, I thought his/her post was quite troll-like-- especially since he/she has never before posted on this particular forum, to my knowledge, nor since. I also don't think he/she validated anyone's experience, so much as encouraged out-of-state students to stick with out-of-staters and not have anything to do with students who are in-state residents. That, I find both obnoxious and silly.</p>

<p>Once again, I think you could substitute "in-state" in all of his remarks where he currently says "out-of-state," and you'd have a lot of parents complaining. I would find equally offensive a post that stereotyped any one group of students (and discouraged all in-state students from mingling with out-of-state students).</p>

<p>I would also be very, very surprised if any students knew which students were in-state, and which were from out-of-state, without asking first. I honestly can't imagine that even being a concern to people; if it is, I would be very surprised by the choice of attending an out-of-state public university (no matter what the state). (And just so you know, <em>all</em> public universities have a cap on out-of-state students. That percentage varies, but they <em>all</em> have it.)</p>

<p>Finally, I have no intention of "defeating a post;" I will, however, feel free to point out the obvious problems with one when I see them. You can bet on that. I thought Futureholds' was particularly offensive, on many levels.</p>

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<p>Jack I didn't really like Futureholds comments either. The comments were very negative even if it is Futureholds opinion. My daughter is a in-state freshman and is loving it at Carolina. I believe my daughter would love to meet some people from another state, so then she can say I have this friend from whatever state. She has not met many girls yet, because the girls seem to stay in their own groups. When they become more comfortable with Carolina they will venture out of their groups. My daughter has not had a problem meeting boys though, so she does have some friends. She will call and tell me who she has met and it is usually a boy. Just this week she text me to tell me that she was walking beside Tyler Hansbrough (She is 5 ft tall and I guess he is 6"8" or 6'10" - what a sight). She wanted to speak to him so bad but he had his headphones in. Where are the girls? One of her orientation leaders is in one of her classes and he is very nice to her. He always offers to help her any way he can. I am kind of jealous because I would love to be down at Carolina.</p>

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<p>Jack, I did not agree with the post or his method...I just focused on his point and his opinion. He could identify with their experience ...and no I would not be offended with whatever you chose to put in the blank....I simply ignored it as ranting. .I do know no University is perfect, as close as Carolina is.....with the high retention rate it has...it isn't for everyone. But for every one that leaves, 10 are waiting to take their place.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
...and no I would not be offended with whatever you chose to put in the blank....

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Well, I guess that's where you and I differ. I've never been a big fan of stereotyping and biases, which almost always stem from ignorance (and probably insecurity). To illuminate those biases for what they are-- whenever you hear/see them-- is always of value, I believe.</p>

<p>And not to beat a dead horse here, but Futureholds' post told me a lot more about him than it did about anything else. Consequently, his initial "point" was lost on me. </p>

<p>Also, back when he went to UNC, the percentage of out-of-staters was much less than it is today. So he basically stereotyped, and withdrew from, ~85+ percent of the students on that campus, and encouraged others to do the same in his post. Again, I am not at all surprised that he had trouble making friends 30 years ago.</p>

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<p>I have to agree with jack. I don't know what futurehold was trying to accomplish. If he was trying to make the few students here who are a little out of sorts during their first two weeks at UNC feel better by trying to draw a comparison between the student life in 1977 and 2007, well...even if it what he says were true, there are a whole bunch of flaws with that approach. </p>

<p>Misery may love company, but commiserating doesn't solve the problem. It isn't constructive and it doesn't offer hope. And I HIGHLY doubt (assuming UNC actually was, during his day, as futurehold describes), it's reasonable to assume Chapel Hill and UNC are a stuck is some sort of 1970s time warp....lol!</p>

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<p>back on topic, does anyone have any suggestions on good fraternities and the whole "rush" process in general? if i do rush tonight, am i obligated to join a fraternity, and if i dont can i rush say in the spring?</p>

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<p>ahduke: I didn't realize fraternities were the topic of this thread. </p>

<p>At any rate, while I'm sure somebody will come on here and answer your question, why don't you ask some students on campus these same questions? If you need to ask, I'm sure others do as well. And asking will give you a chance to meet people, and those who know the answers will love to help you. Just a thought.</p>

<p>Getting off this computer and actually walking up to real people and asking these same questions might make you some real friends. Just my 2 cents worth of advice.</p>

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<p>ahduke</p>

<p>I sent you a PM.</p>

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<p>As poster of the thread, I do want to let you know that D's bad days are becoming fewer and fewer. I think the hardest thing, and most surprising to both of us, was that she experienced a little culture shock. Having never lived in the country, she didn't know how anything works... laundromat, gym lockers, self-locking doors (she got locked out)... She was feeling very self-conscious and a complete moron having to ask for help. Even the language rhythm and slang is new to her. I'm glad she's having the opportunity of being immersed in a new culture... to her, it's like a "Study Abroad" program!</p>

<p>Since she was at the same school since she was 3 years old, she never had to be proactive in meeting people and making friends, especially with people who are so different to her... As painful as these experiences may be right now, they'll help her grow as a person and she knows this. I think she'll come home a very different person, perhaps more tolerant of differences and certainly braver, more mature, and more independent. I'll have even more to be proud of!</p>

<p>She's on the road to recovery... she has joined a couple of clubs and is looking into doing community service, and she is taking her studies very seriously. Most of the time when I call her now, she'll say "I don't have time to talk now, Mom" or "I need to hang up, I'm getting another call." Sweet words to my ears! </p>

<p>Chapel Hill may not be the cosmopolitan, busy city my daughter is used to... there may not be so many worldly people, no bustling nightlife, and no beautiful beach a block from home... but it has lush nature, tree-lined roads, friendly people, and it's safe to be on the streets after dark. I'm sure she'll love it soon.</p>

<p>It IS a great place!</p>

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<p>silly jack, i am not in front of the computer. i have been answering this thread via my iphone. i have been asking around and many have told me about delta upsilon. i will check them out tonight. that may be the only one as it looks like i dont want a typical frat.</p>

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<p>ahduke: Okay-- iphone, computer-- my point was that people would love to help you, and I'm sure you're not alone with those questions. I was merely stating that having those questions-- walking up to other students and just asking (instead of doing it anonymously, via the Internet)-- would be an easy way to meet people. People generally love it when they know something nobody else does, so it really is a great way to meet people. </p>

<p>I just met somebody new today, because I was late for a meeting-- got stuck in road work traffic jams. I was complaining about all the road work and asked if there was an easier way to get to where I was going (and I've lived in this same area for 20+ years). People were jumping in with all kinds of answers, and this one person was so nice and drew me a map for an alternate route, and we got to talking-- turns out we know some of the same people in my neighborhood. So now I know somebody new, and I'm old as the hills and don't really care if I meet new people or not. ;) But it really made my day when I did-- and all because I was clueless about road directions and didn't mind asking for help.</p>

<p>Anyway-- it was just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore it. :)</p>

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<p>I was surprised to read that so many people aren't having the time of their lives. People seem wayyy too happy around me, which kind of puts pressure on me.</p>

<p>I wanted to add my two cents on Chapel Hill because I am not really sure whether I like it or not.
The place IS awesome. I am meeting tons of really cool people. The classes are at the right level of difficulty for me. The place is gorgeous, the temperture is percect, the food isnt TOO bad, 1/2 of my professors are absolutely incredible and my no-ac craige dorm is actually a decent place to live in. </p>

<p>And yet I find myself wishing I was home every night. How long does it take to form close friendships? I feel like I hang out with ~20 different people weekly but feel close to none of them. And is there anything to do on weekends other than party? I have never been a party person but found myself partying last weekend and I am doing it again this weekend... Also, are there any organizations people recommend? I applied for the DTH, but I am scared that i am not going to get in (the application seemed way too intense!) How does one go beyond the acquitance stage to the friendship stage to the close friendship stage? Altough the people I meet are interesting/nice/just plain awesome, I find myself calling my best friend from hs and my mom everynight... which results in me being homesick.</p>

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<p>Without knowing what your interests are, I'll just mention a few things that I always thought might be interesting . . . and would keep you very busy on the weekends:</p>

<p>--Check out Playmakers. I've been to some of their plays, and it's all student-run (I think). It just looks like a really fun thing to do-- even if you might not be interested in going on the stage yourself, it seems like there would be plenty of other ways you could volunteer your time there (and meet some interesting people). </p>

<p>--Working at the DTH also sounds great. I know somebody who writes for them. They will definitely keep you busy 24/7. ;)</p>

<p>--How about sports? There are lots of intramural teams you could join.</p>

<p>--Do you dance? If so, join a swing dancing club. How about ballroom dancing? I think UNC has both a swing club and a ballroom dance team/club.</p>

<p>--Are you political? We do have a presidential election coming up. Go volunteer for a presidential campaign, or join a political group.</p>

<p>--Get a group together, and check out Cat's Cradle in Carrboro, which has amazing bands.</p>

<p>--Then there's always the movies. You can go to them (in town or on campus), or if you're interested in making your own movies, check out Flicker's bimonthly film festivals in Chapel Hill. You could make your own films, too, with a Super 8. :) </p>

<p>I personally think close friendships take time. I'm sure you didn't become best friends with your best friend from home overnight, did you? Before the end of the first semester, for sure, you'll have some good friends-- more than just mere acquaintances. </p>

<p>If you've met people you like, arrange to meet for coffee or check out some of the relatively inexpensive places to eat on Franklin St., and arrange to meet for dinner. Or just go explore Chapel Hill itself with someone else. It's so nice to be at a school that is right in town, so go off-campus and check out the town. </p>

<p>Having experienced home sickness myself (many times), I've found that if I get totally involved with my life in my new place, away from home (or what I consider "home"), I missed that old home much less. To have one foot at your new place (living your new life), and one foot back home (calling home a lot), keeps you from being fully engaged anywhere, and certainly not fully engaged in your new place and life. </p>

<p>And I actually think doing so (calling home--or, if you live close by, going home) a lot can <em>create</em> homesickness. While I know your mom loves to hear from you, I know she wants you to be really happy, too. So my suggestion (and, again, feel free to ignore it) is to only call home (to your bf or your mom) maybe once a week-- for now. Try to fully embrace where you are (and it sounds like you're doing fine!), and avoid going back home-- even if only via the telephone-- for the first semester. So your mom doesn't think you're ignoring her, let her know you're gonna do this and why.</p>

<p>My 2 cents. As usual, feel free to totally ignore all of the above. :)</p>

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<p>Am here in beautiful Chapel Hill and just for the record, when I arrived yesterday tons of students were leaving.....although i would not say deserted, I can see a dif. in student presence. Just a couple on my D's floor. Now, alumni are arriving for the game and parking is prohibited just about anywhere on campus today.....maybe that is why they left. They had to move their cars or be towed by 7:30 a.m. This is a long weekend.</p>

<p>Margsala, I agree with Jack and he gives good advice. The deep connected friendships take a long time to develop and are far and few between. Concentrate on moments and having interesting dialog/conversations and interactions with who you are with...be interested in people around you ... Enjoy who you are with and just have fun. The other will come with time.</p>

<p>I really think as long as you are out there connecting and not reclusive, connections from home/friends or family are fine. BUT they should not replace your current life. Maybe limiting them to a few times a week. (Kids are just way more connected that we were back in the day.) That can be a blessing or a curse. You have to balance. Sort of like virtual worlds, stay and live in the present, but stay in touch with the other if you want.</p>

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<p>Just so ya'll know...Jack is a SHE,lol.</p>

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<p>riomom - what you describe (moving from a big city) has probably been my d's largest adjustment too. But she has yet to complain about it...as you point out so well, different is not necessarily better or worse, it's just different.</p>

<p>Btw...she is home this weekend for a followup on a severe corneal infection she took to school with her. She said her dorm was full of people staying over the Labor Day holiday. Kids who live nearby do come and go a bit...but usually stick around for the fun on the weekends.</p>

<p>(Off topic - Those of you who wear contacts, don't forget to take them out. I think college kids keep such long and unusual hours, they don't realize they need to get out of those contacts after 10 hours or so....even if that means taking them out at an odd time off the day. Corneal infections are serious...definitely no fun.)</p>

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<p>This is an atypical weekend because of the Labor Day holiday/long weekend. Most weekends don't have large groups of people leaving but I also know that even upperclass OOSers were heading to the beaches since this is the last gasp of summer after all. </p>

<p>margsala</p>

<p>You are more than halfway there; you acknowldge that you are meeting awesome people, are ok with the class work load and like your professors. The first few weeks of school are all about branching out and meeting lots of new people and that is what EVERYONE is doing right now. I am sure that your best friend at home wasn't an instant thing either. It takes time because everyone is going through the same level of fear and uncertainty and it really is difficult for most people to put it all out there with someone they just met. Continue doing what you are doing. My advice though would be to start weaning yourself from the hometown safety net, by that I mean call your best hometown friend a little less often and spend that time with your new friends. It will take some time to feel "close" to your new friends/acquaintances but it will happen. The interesting thing that will hapen over time is that unlike HS you will find yourself with several "circles" of friends that will each be a little different but people you enjoy spending time with nonetheless. Give it some time, you've been there two weeks!!!</p>

<p>I am very serious when I say that you are well on your way and certainly have made it over the hump.....and most of all, enjoy yourself...it will all come together and you'll be laughing about this very shortly....</p>

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<p>Thanks for the advice!
I went to half of the football game today and to Target with acquitances... so it was nice to do things other than party (I am going again a lil later though!)
Jack, the ball/swing dance club sounds interesting. I keep hearing about it from a lot of people. I already ran with the marathon team and I might check out the rowing team. I also got an interview for a job I reallyyy want. So hopefully I will be very busy soon :) </p>

<p>Again.. thank you guys for all the advice! I am going to try to limit the conversations with my bff in HS but I might still keep talking to my mom everyday... even if its just for 5/10 minutes.</p>

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<p>margsala: I believe it is fine if you keep talking to your mom everyday. As long as you are not talking to her because you are missing home so bad that you have to talk to someone. I believe it is great that you talk to her every day, but it may not last as you get to know more people - not because you don't want to talk to her, but you may not have the time. I talk to my daughter a lot and she is not home sick. She is still down at Chapel Hill, but will leave early in the morning so she can make it home for church and one night in her bed. I am sure she won't be home for another three or four weeks, which is fine. She is having the time of her life and I have enjoyed hearing all about it.</p>