<p>I am about to drop my son off at a college 900 miles away, and I understand the worrying and having a son diagnosed with ADD. The only comment I made about gaming, was to remind him he cannot continue to attend school if he doesn’t maintain his GPA and Major specific criteria to keep his merit and talent scholarships. </p>
<p>We did not allow S11 to bring his Xbox to his dorm for freshman year. At first he wasn’t happy but realized it helped him manage his time and be more social. He earned good grades, worked 10 hours per week, and made a nice group of friends. He has had a TV and XBOX is his apartment ever since and comtinues to do really well. Maybe freshman year would have gone just as well had he brought hisXBox, but I think he received loud and clear our expectation for his purpose in being away at school. You can’t control the roommate, but I think not having his own system will make its point. Good luck!</p>
<p>And there are PLENTY of “academically inclined colleges” where there is Greek life, and football games.</p>
<p>Ok, apologies 
- I did not mean to diss football games or Greek life. Lord knows, I spent my share of time at fraternity beer blasts (it was all legal back then when the drinking age was 18). I was just trying to point out a distinction in the “vibe” at my daughter’s college and my son’s college. D’s definitely feels more “academic” whereas S’s feels a bit more “well-rounded.” Does that sound better?</p>
<p>megpmom - I like the term “Christmas card friendly” - that kind of sums up where we are with D’s roommate’s parents. </p>
<p>So to change the subject - is it really that odd to become friends with the roommate’s parents? I would think that if the roommates stay close and continue to room together (which is the case for my daughter), then it wouldn’t be that unusual.</p>
<p>We are still friendly with DS’s undergrad roommate’s parents. DD had four different roommates in undergrad. We NEVER met the parents of the freshman and sophomore roommates at all. We met the parents of the junior/senior roommate graduation weekend when we hosted a little happy hour for the girls. I am quite sure we will never see them again.</p>
<p>I should add about DS…his college roommate was also a roommate at summer music festivals, and they played together in a regional ensemble in high school. They were in the same performing ensembles, and all of us parents who could tried to attend the performances. </p>
<p>It never would have dawned on me to have a get together with the parents prior to college. The KIDS are going to college. We felt this was a time to cut the cord, and let the KID meet his roomies parents. No need for us to do so…at all.</p>
<p>Having said all that, if your son is OK with this…and so is the other roommate, it’s your decision…not mine!</p>
<p>Yeah, I know, I keep telling myself he’s the one going off to college, not me. If I say it enough, it will sink in. I’ve actually planned a little vacation for myself a few days after dropping him off, to help make it sink in for me (watch out Vegas, empty-nester momma is on the way). As far as the get-together, I am getting what you are all saying. But it did just happen that we live really close together, and have mutual friends. So when I was talking to the mutual friends, the idea of a get-together came up (as in “hey, we should all meet,” and “yeah, maybe a cookout”). It truly was one of those casual things that cropped up during a conversation. </p>
<p>As far as cutting the cord, I agree. But, some kids do take longer to launch into adulthood. My general philosophy is to let them figure out life on their own (Xbox’s aside :)). But I don’t have hard and fast rules about what I can and can not do. It’s difficult to predict what will come up in the next four years. I will plan to let my kids run their own lives, but this is a transition time, not a boot 'em out and let the chips fall where they may time. My involvement in their lives should be less and less as time goes by. But even my senior daughter texts and calls for advice now and then.</p>
<p>It’s his life, and he is an adult now. This shows that you don’t trust him, which is sort of bad. As someone else stated earlier, if he truly does get distracted by video games, and does poorly in college as a result of that, he simply is not cut out for college life.</p>
<p>Besides that, lets talk about the benefits. This is not the run of the mill "positive effects of gaming: you probably read in some health magazines about how video games improve hand-eye coordination, and whatnot (even though I thoroughly agree with that). What I am actually trying to say is that he will be more social, make more friends through a shared common interest, and ultimately improve his social life, while enjoying himself. I know you mentioned your concern, but it’s time for you to let go and let your son make his own choices in life. Guide him, but don’t control him. If he does make a mistake, let him learn from it himself.</p>
<p>@keirasmom,
No, you are not overreacting.
I, too, would be terribly nervous about the roommate bringing an Xbox and TV for the dorm room since I have a son with ADHD as well. Both for the amount of gaming going on around the clock and for all of the other kids hanging in the room and gaming as socializing around the clock. I’m not quite as good at being diplomatic yet direct about this kind of stuff compared with other cc parents, but if it were me, I would go to the dinner first to get a read on the roomies parents. Towards the end of the night, maybe say “I heard that ___ will be bringing his Xbox to college.” Maybe the parents are surprised and want to put a stop to it. However, if they say “Yes, I know” then you could say “I’m concerned about the distraction, especially given the amount of changes that the boys will be going thru all at once. Increased work load, more studying, learning a new area, new ECs and friends to navigate. What are your thoughts about maybe holding off until after winter break…just until they can get solid footing under them?”</p>
<p>A parent who has a non-ADHD kid does not realize how self control with a gaming system of a ADHD kid is different than a non-ADHD kid. Additionally, for this summer, you probably should work on setting up a system for your son to play video games at home with certain rules (derived by him) and have him strive at following those rules with you asking how well he is doing at all of this.</p>
<p>I would be concerned but also aware that there is nothing you can do about it. We made a conscious choice to not let our ADD son take a game system to college. His roommate did not have one. At move in day we saw a father and S moving in a big tv and x box. That young man was very popular and that room was known as the game room freshman year.The first week of school a new game came out. I remember my S telling me that they were having a big tournament with multiple players in two different dorm rooms via X Box live. It went on all night. I was happy it wasn’t his room.
My S is now 3 yrs out of college and he is still a big video gamer. He can easily get lost in that world and stay up till the dawn hours. One of his favorite pastimes is playing against his friends from college who now live all over the state.</p>
<p>Yes, forgot to say that if the parents’ response is basically “No way, our son has to have his Xbox during his fall semester of freshman year” then at that point you have to make sure that your son has done his “practicing of restraint” as outlined in my post #27.</p>
<p>Don’t worry. XBox is obsolete.
You son already has a powerful and versatile game device: the PC.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p><a href=“http://venturebeat.com/2014/02/18/game-developers-favor-the-pc-smartphones-and-ps-4-over-xbox-one/[/url]”>http://venturebeat.com/2014/02/18/game-developers-favor-the-pc-smartphones-and-ps-4-over-xbox-one/</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://www.gamespot.com/articles/game-developers-shifting-to-pc-and-new-consoles-es/1100-6420959/[/url]”>http://www.gamespot.com/articles/game-developers-shifting-to-pc-and-new-consoles-es/1100-6420959/</a></p>
<p>Like someone said, if they cannot self manage the ADD to handle a video game system in the room, they were not going to do well in college anyway.</p>
<p>We are recommending to S1 that he wait to bring the PS3 to college until he gets settled. Every kid with a phone has a gaming system with them all of the time.</p>
<p>Some gamers actually turn out to be awesome students and go on to do great things like design video games!</p>
<p>Gaming is hardly the worst thing that can happen, but you should have an adult discussion with him about how important it is that he manage his time well. Beyond that, let his life unfold and enjoy.</p>
<p>Thank you to everyone for the many viewpoints on this. It has been wonderful to hear all your thoughts and different takes on the topic. I needed to hear it all - everything from “yes, it’s understandable that you’re worried” to “stop being such a helicopter mom.”</p>
<p>In thinking more about it,as IAmTheGoat says, it comes down to trust. I have to trust that my son is ready for college and that he can manage his own life. This means I have to trust that I have made good parenting decisions (for the most part) to help him become an adult. I need to trust that most kids are going to college with the same goals he has - to do well in their classes and come out with a degree that they can use to take care of themselves. I have to trust that my kid picked the right college for himself and I have to trust that the college has dealt with plenty of 18-year olds and may have some good programs, plans, backups, in place to help these young adults make it. I have to trust that when setbacks occur, my son will figure out what to do and I have to trust that he will come to his family for advice when he really needs it.</p>
<p>Of course, this is all easier said than done. I guess my next course of action is to try to really do all the trusting that I talk about. One thing that may help is remembering how annoyed I get when a certain relative continually tries to butt into my parenting decisions, as if I can’t be trusted to make the best choices for my family. I suppose my kids are equally annoyed when I try to butt into their lives, as if they can’t be trusted. Guess it’s time to practice what I preach.</p>
<p>Both of my sons are huge gamers but they play online games on their computer. They are juniors majoring in computer engineering and do very well at school. This is the way a lot of boys socialize in college. I think that is far better than partying.</p>
<p>People with a ADD diagnosis should be eligible for disability accommodations under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act. Coverage can be as simple as filling out a form, and getting your child’s doctor, psychologist, etc., to send in an evaluation. </p>
<p>Accommodations might include the right to a single room or housing in a quiet dorm–for example. </p>
<p>Every college has a disability office to administer Section 504, usually found by putting in “disability” or some variant in the college’s web page’s search box. </p>
<p>Some do a better job of it then others. </p>
<p>To read more about Section 504 in general and your rights under it, google something like Section 504 disability. It’s administered at the Federal level by the Department of Education. </p>
<p>You may choose not to go this route, but it’s out there. </p>
<p>Keirasmom, you have handled many different POVs with grace. </p>
<p>I also have a son with ADD (mild) and general obliviousness (which is worse, lol) and he is bringing his xbox to school. I will tell him that he and his roommate must set guidelines about it. He must respect his roomie’s feelings about it. He must make school his priority. I find that gaming has been good for him socially. Now that he’s more into sport, gaming takes a back seat, but for a kid who is sometimes tentative socially, a common ground (and SmashBros, which is weirdly back in style I hear) can help. It also helps blow off steam (the roomful of guys yelling is cathartic). </p>
<p>My guy would never go for a 504. I also have to trust that he’ll be okay. We all do. </p>
<p>Remind your son to pay attention to dorm orientation. At both my D’s schools, initial dorm meetings included doing a roommate contract where you agree to respect each others’ wishes about different things like how and when to have visitors (and giving roommate warning), quiet time, etc. If your S knows he needs down time and games are distraction, he might want to ask that gaming end at certain time or that they agree to certain gaming hours. Might not work, but if you don’t bring up concern you’ll never know. However I agree you can’t ask roommate not to bring it at all - it’s his room too. Also agree that he will have gaming opportunities all over the place. D’s friends all have different systems and they all float from room to room depending on what they want to do. And girls do use them - my D uses ours to play “silly” games like Mario cart and to stream Netflix.</p>
<p>I don’t blame you for being worried in the least. But I do’t think you can mention it to the other parents, because whether or not you preface it with something about your S’s ADD the likelihood is that they will be put on the defensive. </p>
<p>Not to mention the fact that it ought to be your S’s decision whether and when he reveals his diagnosis. (From what I’ve heard of the college scene, he might end up with people trying to steal or buy his meds, if he is on them. Not to give you something new to worry about, but you probably ought to make sure that he realizes very clearly what the penalties for giving away or selling them would be.)</p>
<p>Basically I think that all you can do is work on the issue with your S before he goes. If he can’t handle it he can work with his roomie, ask the RA for help, or ask for a room switch or a single.</p>
<p>Just watch a few episodes of “The Middle” with Axel (teenage son) at college with his roommate. (latest season) LOL. Maybe OP shouldn’t watch it…</p>
<p>My son brought the TV, one roommate brought the Xbox. They had the triple on the floor so had people over all the time. Nobody flunked out! They all did fine. Even if not in the room there is bound to be one or more on the floor.</p>