<p>No offence taken 
I know this is a stressful time and you’ve worked hard on this; best of luck to you!</p>
<p>Any suggestion as how to change the “perfect family” phrase? Also, I changed “Here, I lived with my father, brother, aunts, uncle, and grandparents” to “Under the same roof, I lived with my father, brother, aunts, uncle, and grandparents.”</p>
<p>I’ll pm you. You don’t want admin officers stumbling across your essay in all stages of revision.</p>
<p>EDIT: I’ll do the same as theviolinist then.</p>
<p>Thank you both theviolinist and lantzk. Anyone want to give me some more actual revisions? I fixed a little myself but…Any revision except on the 4th and 5th paragraph would help.:)</p>