Younger Brother About to Flunk Out of School

Pre-College Issues High School Life
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<p>This isn't the typical CC thread but my family is in a rut. My younger brother only a sophomore and he is already short HALF of his units. He has to go to summer school and night school for the next two summers IF he doesn't fail any more classes this semester or next year. It already seems like he's going to fail two more classes this semester, putting him even further behind. At this point, it is very possible that he is going to flunk out of high school. I'm very concerned. I went to this high school as well as my older brother and we know how kids that fall behind in this district seem to never bounce back. I had 3 friends that didn't graduate. The API score for the school is in the 500 range. It's just a terribly small school with no funding which means no support for kids that get a rough start. My brother may have ADHD but refuses to go on medication (the doctor provided samples of Strattera) and his test scores from the school indicate that he is below average but not low enough to receive any special attention/help during school. He's in no man's land. We also cannot place him in our district's continuation school because it's overcrowded (that should speak for the quality of the school). So our options are to pull him out of school and have him get his GED, put him in another school, or stick it out with summer school and night school and the regular school year even though he still may not graduate.</p>

<p>My question is. . . would it be even more devastating to remove my brother from this subpar school, and place him in another, more rigorous one where he could receive special attention (we have one in mind, Acalanes)? </p>

<p>I'm sure some are wondering why a sibling is posting this when I shouldn't have to worry about it. For that, all I can say is that my parents are dealing with so much stress on their own that they have no idea what to do about my brother's situation. One parent has given up or throws tantrums and attributes the poor grades to my family's bad luck and that he's just a screwed up kid. The other parent is dealing with 100x more stress than the average high school parent (I'm just assuming, no flames please). My older brother, well, he's severely disabled and can't worry. That leaves me (and my mother technically) and we are together trying to work this out, reviewing our options and attempting to find solutions. To be honest, this is tough work and I really don't want to be a parent now, ha ha.</p>

<p>If there is anyone that can relate: parents, counselors, learning specialists, or fellow students; please feel free to respond.</p>

<p>By the way, you students on CC are extremely academic and hard working. Kudos.</p>

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<p>Why is he doing badly in school? Is it a matter of not understanding the material or it is more that he just doesn't care?</p>

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<p>i think you're a wonderful older brother and it's great that you care so much about your brother's education. but maybe you should just ask him what he wants to do? get him to talk to a school guidance counselor himself and ask for advice? things like this usually work better if the person himself is involved in the decision-making process and really wants to change. you don't want him to think it's just his brother and his mom forcing him to do stuff.</p>

<p>good luck and keep pushing :)</p>

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<p>One possibility, if it could work for your family: I had a friend who was like this. The school considered one year a total fail, so they made him go through 5 years of high school. Because of this, he didn't have to bother with night school to catch up. He just graduated this year a year later than he should have, but he's going to a 4 year school next year.</p>

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<p>ZEP..I suggest also posting this in the Parents Forum. You are a wonderful sibling, try to set up a meeting with the GC at school and develop a plan. If he hasn't yet been diagnosed withADD, the family should definitely do so soon. Good luck, and keep your support going!</p>

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<p>Do you, by any chance, live in the Bay Area? If so, I can understand what you're saying concerning that school's quality.</p>

<p>Transferring to Acalanes... I mean, we're talking about attending a school with very little APs to attending a school where juniors can have up to 4 APs and 2 Honors in one year. But that's probably a small picture... He may benefit at Acalanes, what, with the quality of education offered there (I think). Keep in mind his possible ADHD problem and, here's the best advice I can give you, don't give up on your brother.</p>

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<p>post this in the parents section too</p>

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<p>Thank you for the compliments, but I am actually his sister. Sorry, I didn't mention that. And yes, we are in the Bay Area. I'm in a district that only has one elementary, middle, and high school. Since the school is so small and the continuation high school is overcrowded, they have taken the option of adding another year high school off the table. I've never seen them give a failing student an extra year when I was there. Those three friends I had that didn't graduate were just kicked out of school when they turned 18. </p>

<p>We've asked him what he wants to do and he says "I don't know." or "whatever." So we figure that if he isn't going to tell us now, we'll just have to find solutions without his help and we'll ask him later when we find one that works. Or he'll finally open up and tell us when he's ready.</p>

<p>Private testing of ADD/ADHD is really expensive the last time my mother checked into it. My brother's doctor is almost positive that he has ADHD, that's why he provided that Strattera (sp?). But he won't even try the samples, he is morally against medication. Or so he says. </p>

<p>My mom looked into Acalanes transfer policy and the results are disappointing, but not surprising. The student has to have a 3.00 GPA in order to be considered for admission. I guess that's why their student's stats are so high (plus generous school funding). So if we're going to get him in another school, it will have to be another one that isn't as stellar. </p>

<p>There are a few factors as to why he isn't doing well. The first reason would be from the trauma inflicted from my older brother's accident 7 years ago. It would have been easier for him to "move on" or "get a grip" had my parents been around after the accident. It essentially altered everyone's lives. I did badly too but I improved. My grades are climbing but my brother's have been stagnant since he was nine years old (he is now 16). I know that my parent's should have done something sooner and my mother deeply regrets not reaching out long ago. My older brother lives at home with us, so that in itself serves as a constant reminder of what happened. Even though my parents regret the way they handled my younger brother and I after the accident, but my mom is doing everything she can to help him now.</p>

<p>The second factor is that since he was neglected, he didn't get sufficiently rewarded or punished due to his grades. An F got him a verbal lashing and a guilt trip ("why are you doing this to us?") but none of his electronics were taken from his room. When he was grounded, he could still talk on the phone or be with his friends because my parents were too tired and stressed to deal with him. His rewards for good test scores (the few that he's ever showed us) were equal to a half-hearted "oh, that's great honey" with no eye contact or smile. So I can see why he could stop caring. He just doesn't care but won't admit to us that he doesn't care. He claims to care but refuses to do simple things like meet with teachers to discuss his grades/missing assignments. The school uses SchoolLoop to track student's assignments and he has 34 missing Bio assignments. That doesn't scream out "I care about my grades." </p>

<p>I really don't mean to make excuses for him (or for my family). He's lazy, I know that. But I feel that some of it is a cry for attention. With most of my family's attention devoted to my older brother, the baby of the family just can't seem to get anyone's attention unless he does poorly. </p>

<p>I do believe that he does have some type of mental or biological (ADHD) problem. I think he's where he's at now because he never got tested and treated, compounded with my brother's accident and the resulting neglect, tension in the house, has all come together to form a moody, lying, apathetic teenager. </p>

<p>I guess from all this, one can assume that he will do what he wants no matter what we do. Maybe he will have to get his GED but we still want to find a solution that doesn't require him dropping out of high school. </p>

<p>Well after this long post, I'll re-post the thread and this reply in the parent's forum. Thank you for the suggestion, I didn't know it existed.</p>

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<p>Aren't there second chance schools he can go to? I don't know how expensive those are, but they have a really nice social environment where he can VENT and INTERACT normally. Perhsps that could help heal him? My friend ended up transferring out to one. Couldn't he go there or was Acalanes the only option?</p>

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<p>Acalanes wasn't the only option. We just wanted to see how well he did with a school that was more rigorous and structured. The continuation school for our district is completely full and the school has taken that away as an option. So we'll have to look into another district.</p>

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<p>I say that he should go to a different, more rigorous high school. An individual's environment can ultimately alter their confidence and learning abilities. I went to a different high school for academics (I went to a stronger HS for the IB program), and I know that I am a lot more academically stronger than I would have been otherwise. There's something about being in an environment where students are enthusiastic about what they do that stimulates me to be the same. </p>

<p>I am sure your brother is not too stupid for his classes, but perhaps he is bored by the low level of academics. I say he should repeat another year at a different school and take some classes he might be really interested in.</p>

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<p>Has your family considered a group home for your older brother? I just started working with a group home for adults with severe brain injuries (mostly from car accidents). The home is wonderful for the residents and families visit frequently. The cost is relatively low since they get government subsidies and grants. That would take some of the stress off your parents and siblings. You could also look into respite care. </p>

<p>I agree with catsushi's advice. Many boys are held back by the parents in kindergarten so being a year older shouldn't be that big of a deal. Most of my son's friends are a year older but in the same grade. Hopefully a fresh start at a new place will help. It doesn't sound like he will make it to graduation at his current high school.</p>