I want to keep an incredibly long story short and leave out as many non-crucial details as possible. My brother has been having a really hard time these last couple of years and recently he was suspended from school. I am realistic about his chances for applying to colleges immediately after high school, but I was wondering how long down the line this will affect him.
Currently he stands about zero chance to get into a decent school as a first-year student since his grades have plummeted due to ongoing issues, and the suspension obviously doesn’t help him. However, if he were to pull off a good SAT/ACT score, spend a year or two locally at a two or four-year school and then transfer, would a suspension still have much weight in terms of admissions?
There are so few details that its hard to understand this. Is your brother in high school now? What year? Is this suspension for just a couple days or is it more severe than that?
Also, you say his grades are bad and ask whether he can get into a decent school, but don’t say what you mean by that. Some people on this site start freaking out about getting B’s. Is that what you mean by bad? Or is he actually failing with F’s? And can you give an example of what you mean by decent school? Do you mean your state flagship, other state schools, a local private, or something more selective?
I guess I’ll just give more information; I originally wanted to leave information out because it’s not really my information to share, so I was trying to be vague.
By low grades, I mean that while my brother was never a straight A student (probably around a 3.4 or 3.5 GPA), his grades are all in the C or lower range, with a few Ds and Fs currently. I thought I had mentioned that he was a junior in high school, but it looks like I didn’t actually add that in my post.
The suspension is for five days, and I don’t have much information as to what is on the actual record. If it’s important why he was suspended I can give that information, but I’d rather it be private if it’s not completely necessary (note: no law enforcement were involved in the suspension).
I should’ve been more specific, but most likely he will need to go to a state school. My state (NY) doesn’t have a real flagship university, and the options for merit aid are limited or non-existent for transfer students or people with his GPA. I don’t think he has the ability to get into a need-blind school that will meet 100% of demonstrated financial need, so that’s kind of out of the question. I also don’t think any states have reciprocity with NY in terms of in-state tuition, and I am not aware of how transfer applicants would even go about obtaining merit money. Local privates (Hofstra, Adelphi, etc.) are all way out of my family’s financial reach if they were to pay full.
I don’t think he really knows what he wants to do with his life, but he has shown some interest in computer science. Unfortunately the local CC doesn’t offer any classes in CS. There is one farther away that does, but I think that would be more of a last resort/backup plan.
What is the community college system like in New York? That might be a great place to start. Also, are there non-college career paths he can take? Some guys really enjoy working out in the real world. Are there certifications he could get (computer tech, plumbing, welding, etc.?) where he could come out of the gate with marketable skills?
Here in Florida we have a pretty strong community college system where you can start with certifications, roll that into an AA or AS degree, which can then roll into a bachelor’s (only if you want to, which is what I like about each step along the way).
I would look deeper at the root cause of what’s going on with him. Some boys do not mesh well with traditional school. Or is there any chance he’s gotten into substance abuse? That changes people too. He would need professional help there.
I hear mixed things about the community college system in NY, @SouthFloridaMom9. Part of the issue is that CC is so much more about what you make of it and what you’re willing to do. I’m not confident that he’s mature and disciplined enough to succeed in CC, and I’m afraid that he might be one of the many who goes to the local CC and just flounders around for two years with mediocre grades and no real drive.
I am also not 100% sure that a non-college path would be best for him, but I am open to exploring the option with my family. I think that going for a certificate or trade school is something he would consider more or less a last resort, so we will probably explore that option if other things don’t pan out well. I will definitely discuss it with my brother and figure out what alternative paths he’s open to considering
There are a lot of root causes of his issues (substance abuse, depression, domestic issues). He is currently pursuing professional help for a lot of those issues because my parents are forcing him to, but I don’t think he is particularly receptive to some of the help that he’s gotten. Unfortunately it’s a lot more difficult to solve the underlying issues, and since I am away at school for 65% of the year I don’t really have much of an impact on those.
Thank you for the help and concern. It’s been hard for my entire family these past four or five years, but these last few months in particular have been difficult.
If he’s not mature enough for school yet then have him get a job. At some point school will become more important or he’ll find his place in the world without.
If he doesn’t have the maturity and discipline to succeed in CC, I don’t know why anyone would think he has the maturity and discipline to succeed at a SUNY. Not everyone is ready to go to college immediately after high school. He might be better off waiting until he grows up some and is in a better place with respect to his mental health and other issues.
That’s a fair point @“Erin’s Dad” . I’m a bit worried that staying locally gives him access to a lot of his friends that are amplifying the problems that my brother is facing, but if he isn’t willing to grow up then he has to deal with the consequences. Thank you for the insight; I’ll try to think of a tactful way to explain that to my brother.
Edit:
Part of the hope, and maybe it’s a bit unrealistic, is that going away will give my brother access to a different group of friends and a new environment. Things have been extremely chaotic at home, and part of my and my mom’s fear is if he stays local he’s going to have minimal aspirations and continue to do dumb things with the people who he’s currently friends with. Maybe we are unrealistic though, and going away would compound his issues. However, being home has been highly negative for him so I am not sure there is a good answer.
Another thing that’s worth noting I guess is that my parents are divorced. My mom lives with her boyfriend who (wrongfully, imo) threw my brother out of the house and my brother currently lives with my dad. My dad is currently considering moving out of state, which would make it difficult for my brother to remain in NY because he would have nowhere to live.
It’s possible that he needs a serious attitude adjustment, and there are a number of CC posters who will affirm that enlisting in the military provided the attitude adjustment that they or their loved one needed to turn their lives around.
I have talked about the possibility with my father, @Wien2NC. I’m not sure if it’s appropriate for my brother. I actually have several family members who have been in the military (two grandfathers, an aunt, two uncles, and now a cousin), but I am not sure if it makes sense for my brother. He has scoliosis and is not in very good shape. I don’t think that being in terrible shape is much of a barrier to entry, but the scoliosis might preclude him from enlisting.
If those conditions aren’t a barrier to entry, it might be a really good option considering the GI Bill would help fund his education. There are some other things that might prevent him from joining such as substance abuse, but I am not sure how those types of situations are recorded and dealt with. If he isn’t automatically disqualified I will suggest it as a possibility though. Thank you.
Check the costs on community colleges that have forming and possibly 2+2 type programs with other colleges. That might be an affordable option that works well for him.
I’m not sure whether his grades will be quite high enough (maybe? If he puts a bit of effort in from this point on). But you can see that you can transfer to a 4 year college even without having been directly admitted into the 2+2. I don’t think the NY cc is bad at all. The amount and type of aid will vary by college but there is a pretty wide variety listed here IMO.
This is just an example I know of because a friend’s daughter went here. She was an RA her 2nd year and she had a great internship or co-op (I don’t remember which) that led to a fantastic part time job. She ended up transferring to a different college than her 2+2 because she decided there was a different one she preferred in the end and could afford. http://www.monroecc.edu/depts/careercenter/stuserv/h-2+2programs.htm
The D and F grades that you mention are probably bigger problems. If the suspension was for academic reasons (including cheating), that could also have a big impact on college admissions. Starting at a community college may be the most realistic college path for him. However, taking time off school and working may be useful if he needs to mature some before getting back to school.
If he lives with your father, who is moving to another state, wouldn’t that take him away from the problematic influences that exist where is now? Of course, such a move, depending on the destination, could affect (either positively or negatively) the opportunities available in terms of college (in terms of when he will get in-state status, how good the in-state public school financial aid is, and how good the transfer pathway from community college is in that state).
That seems like a really good program, but I am not sure it is feasible in terms of location. I live on Long Island and Rochester is like an 8+ hour drive, I believe. The only options for my brother for community colleges that are within an hour of where I live are CUNYs, Nassau Community College, and Suffolk Community College. Nassau doesn’t offer anything in computer science, although they do have computer repair and electrical engineering which could be realistic alternatives, and the CUNYs/Suffolk CC are all relatively far away. However, they are not out of the question since he would most likely have access to a car and the LIRR is reasonable for getting to NYC if need be.
I think at this time your brother needs to concentrate on working on his problems and not worry about school. I know you are concerned for his future, but it sounds like he has little chance of being successful as a student until he deals with the bigger issues.
You feel that if he moves away he will be less influenced by his friends. Unfortunately, the same sort of people exist everywhere and he will just find new friends like the old ones. Is he In rehab or therapy? Is a school counselor working with him?
That was just an example really. There are likely many other community colleges with similar programs. But I am confused. Are you looking for him to get away from current influences or not? A cc like MCC has dorms and bussing, so probably no car needed on campus. Yes, it’s far from you (as would be many cc across the state) but I thought that was what you were looking for.
The suspension has nothing to do with his grades or academic performance, @ucbalumnus, but I understand why that could be a concern. As to whether or not moving in with my father would improve the situation, it’s a bit too difficult to tell. On one hand my brother no longer has to live with my mom’s boyfriend or the turbulence that it brought to his life, but on the other my dad is highly negative towards my brother and blames him for many of the problems that are currently going on in his life. I am not sure that my dad would get in-state status for North Carolina quickly enough to benefit my brother, but I also don’t have that great of a handle on how residency is established if you’re a homeowner. There’s a possibility that my father moves to the border of NC/SC and would technically reside in SC, and I think that if he were to do that the SUNYs would probably be a better option. That stuff would be further down the line though and I don’t know if I can make any assumptions or statements about how that would play out unless I have a firm idea of what my father’s plans are.
@Yomama12 – he’s currently in rehab, seeing multiple psychiatrists, going to therapy, and was receiving some pretty serious medications. I cannot really make any difference in fixing his past and improving his mental condition any. I have struggled with my own issues, but I don’t really have any insight into fixing that kind of stuff and I have neither the means nor the ability to help him in that regard. I do know a good amount about standardized tests, colleges, and I figure that if there’s anything he will listen to me about it’s probably things related to his education.
Edit:
@mom2twogirls: Frankly, I am not sure if my parents would be okay with my brother living in his own apartment. That’s my main concern with something like that. Thank you for the idea though; I think it has some merit.