Younger brother just scored 900/2400 on SAT and has 1.3 GPA... What's next?

Parents Forum
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<p>I don't really know where to post this, but I figure this might be the best place. I'm currently a junior in college, studying Applied Math and Economics. I have a younger brother who is mightily struggling with school. He's a senior (and obviously, his last year of high school). He just got his SAT Scores back today (second time), scoring around 900 (like he did last time). He also has a cumulative GPA of 1.3 GPA. The numbers speak for themselves... </p>

<p>I'm just so annoyed at this entire situation. I know it's bad to compare people, but every child in my extended family does well above average in school and goes on to top universities around the country. My parents aren't asking him to do extremely well and get 3.5+ GPA and 1800+ on the SAT... we just ask him to be average and go on to the local state university. Instead, he's scoring on the 1% percentile on the SAT's and has among the lowest GPA in his class. He's an embarrassment. </p>

<p>To make matters worse, my parents (for all these years) have tried to sweep under the rug that something was wrong with him. Every time, teachers would recommend him being placed in a special program for slow children, they would completely dismiss it (he actually did spend 2-3 years in a special program back in elementary school). They said being in that program made him even slower. I don't blame them though, I mean it's hard as a parent to accept that hey, my children might be retarded. He, of course, didn't want to apart of it either. I mean, who wants to be known as that retarded kid? It would have killed him socially. </p>

<p>What makes me fume the most is that, he's like "Oh, I'll bring up my grade this semester". I'm like "What makes you think even if you did get all A's this semester (which he won't) that it's gonna offset your previous 7 semesters of pathetic grades? And besides, college applications will already be due before midterms even begin." Why didn't you think about working hard your freshman year? I don't know whether to be mad at him or not. I know he can't help not being "smart". I can't get into his brain. I know he doesn't want to be slow (who would?). </p>

<p>Oh here's another thing, when I was at home, (and because my parents don't speak English too well), I would handle the bills, ordering things, call for lawn appointments, and other busy stuff around the house like fixing the internet or setting up the printer for our place. When I left for college, the first he says is... "I'm not calling any companies or doing any of the bills (not hard, most of it is just questioning a charge or canceling stuff)". I asked him, why wouldn't help your parents and our family? And he's like, "I don't know. I just don't want to." I just wanted to punch him in the face right there. Anything that requires a little bit of patience or thinking he just gives up. Set up the printer and install the drivers... c'mon I can do it, but I want to see you do it... and of course, he couldn't do it.</p>

<p>He and my parents are at a crossroad. He sees me and the rest of our cousins go off to college and live independently and have a good time and obviously wants to do the same. My parents want him to stay home and go to community college for a few years to save money. We aren't poor, but we don't have a lot of money in the bank either. They would have gladly taken out a loan for him to go to a public in-state university if he had the grades (or if any colleges would even accept him). Even if there was a college that accepted him, it'd be just money thrown down the drain anyways. He's still going to continue to get bad grades. It's not going to change overnight.</p>

<p>He sent me a text saying, "f#$k community college i want to get out of here and live on my own and get in trouble and party i told them that". That pretty much epitomizes how naive and hard headed he is. I asked him, and how exactly are you going to do that? You don't work, you have no money, you don't have a car, and you don't even have your driver's license yet, and how would you pay for your new place? Why would you want to spend all that money when you already have a place to stay?</p>

<p>The sort of wild card in this situation is that he was a pretty good football player (and probably one of the strongest kids in high school). And there was talk early on with my parents that he could end up playing football in college. He had a great senior year to say the least. The thing is that his grades are just way too low for him to even go to a public in-state college and attempt to walk-on. He's a good player, but he's not that good where coaches are throwing scholarships his way. Despite his strength, he lacks ideal size for playing football at the Division I level. He started to look at Division II and Division III schools, but the thing is that they rarely hand out athletic scholarships and almost all of them are private schools. And, my parents were not shelling out $40,000+ a year for him just to play football in college.</p>

<p>He texted me, "hey dude is it a good idea to play football for the coast guard or navy?". I was like, "Yeah, it's a good idea to go to those academies regardless if you were playing football or not. They are one of the most respected schools in the country and are very selective and you have to have top notch grades". That's how naive he is and out of touch he is with college admissions. He thought he could just attend the Naval Academy because he wanted to... knowing his grades were what they were.</p>

<p>My parents and I just need some advice or anything help is appreciated. It's just so frustrating sometimes to have this constantly in the back of your head. I have my own life to live, but at the same time, this is my younger brother and I want to see him do well. I mean, outside of having learning disabilities and being reluctant to help my parents around the house, he seems like a normal kid. He doesn't have down syndrome or is autistic or anything. Girls seem to like him haha... </p>

<p>Is college even an option at this time? He has such a low level of reading comprehension and writing skills that he wouldn't be able to study English, Business, Economics, Finance, Political Science, or History or any of the liberal arts majors. He has no where near the aptitude required a science like Math, Engineering, or Computer Science. </p>

<p>He has expressed interest in joining the military, but my parents don't want him to do that. This might be the only option though, unless he wants to learn a trade or do manual labor the rest of his life.</p>

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<p>if he does well somehow on his miltary exam, convince your parents to allow him to join the miltary</p>

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<p>imo, military is the best option. it might even “shape him up”.</p>

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<p>

What’s wrong with learning a trade? No less respectable than an intellectual vocation and maybe more up is alley.</p>

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<p>There is every chance that your brother has a perfectly manageable learning difference such as dyslexia and your parents have been unable to see the value of the free evaluations and adapted teaching that are available as long as he is in school. If you love this brother you will stop trying to make him into some version of yourself, and you will march into the HS guidance office with him and help him get the much overdue assessments that your parents have not been willing to set up. Because guess what, he’s old enough to request them himself!</p>

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<p>Thank you for being an advocate for him. There are certainly ways he can live independently and be successful without going to college. Encourage your parents to talk to his HS counselor. Other options exist besides college.</p>

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<p>My father dropped out of high school, joined the military during WWII, went to college on the GI bill, failed his major (accounting) three times, and became an accountant. He had a very happy life, with many friends, and good family. He sometimes worked two jobs to make the family budget work, and was fine with it. I never saw him read a book.</p>

<p>By far the largest number of workers needed for the jobs of the “future” don’t require any college whatsoever. Most don’t pay great (but then the pay of college attenders is being depressed as well.) And then, sometimes, people find themselves. I have a cousin with SATs and GPAs (at a vocational high school yet) as bad as your brother’s. He went to community college without a clue, and two years later, something clicked. He ended up with a masters in transportation engineering from RIT, and went on to become a major designer of metro systems. He still doesn’t read a book.</p>

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<p>Agree with <a href=“mailto:b@rium”>b@rium</a>. When he’s ready, I’d suggest a skilled trade, either via vocational school or apprenticeship. There’s nothing wrong with being a skilled tradesperson; it’s respectable work for good money.</p>

<p>My BIL has no learning disability, but school was not his thing. Forcing him into even community college would have been a waste of everyone’s time and money. He’s smart enough, and good with his hands, and wound up at a union assembly line job that he likes a lot.</p>

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<p>Our local community college has programs for folks who want to get into that trades – and irt includes business and accounting courses because a lot of them want to start their own businesses down the road. Win-win to me!</p>

<p>OP, you sound awfully judgmental to me. Not surprised your brother is shutting out everyone else’s opinion on what he should do. He has clearly needed an educational advocate for some time now. It’s a pity noone from his family is willing to help him get the tools he needs to fulfill HIS potential (not your potential, and not that of your parents’.)</p>

<p>It is WAY past time for a complete educational evaluation.</p>

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<p>It’s just so frustrating. Obviously, college is not the only option. But at the same time, my parents came to this country with nothing and has worked really hard to even provide for these opportunities for my siblings and me. It’s heartbreaking how much of a disappointment he is. It’s not even the fact that he’s not going to college that’s bothering me. It’s how he has slept walked through high school without thinking about his future. My family has played the “Oh, he’s just a kid” card too many times and we’ve basically hid under that guise. I’ve seen what happens to kids like him. Well guess what? Next year, we won’t… he’ll just be a bum, no only a “kid” lines and without anything to hide under or to point to. </p>

<p>At times, I wish he was just one of those kids that were street smart, but just didn’t give a crap about school – that could actually do well in school if they wanted or when you spoke to them – despite their low grades – you could tell they were quite eloquent and bright, but this isn’t the case. To put bluntly, he’s slow as hell. Nice kid, but slow… </p>

<p>It’s safe to say that he has the lowest grades/SAT scores in his class. Even the lower tier colleges ask for prospective students to have 1200-1400 / 2400 SAT Scores (this is ridiculous low as it is) and a 2.0+ GPA… he can’t even meet these requirements. I remember as a kid, my parents were like “Oh honey, help your little brother with his homework/project”. I would try and help him and I would get so frustrated that I would just start screaming and crying because he was just so dumb and slow that I just had to do it for him or just tell him the answer.</p>

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<p>I would suggest he join the Army if possible…</p>

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<p>With a 1.3 GPA, there are not likely any worthwhile bachelor’s degree granting colleges that he will get into.</p>

<p>His likely choices:</p>

<p>A. Go to community college to learn a skilled trade. (Or specialized schools like police academy, fire academy, truck driving school, etc…)
B. Go to community college to restart academic learning to transfer to a four year school as a junior. (It may take him more than two years to become transfer-ready.)
C. If he is highly motivated, self-educate in something where he can be self-employed, or where those who display the needed skills are accepted even without credentials.
D. Military service.
E. If he has a knack for selling things, go into sales.
F. Work at an unskilled entry-level job and either hope that on-the-job learning and training will allow him to gain skills, or get annoyed by the lack of career growth and decide to shape up and do any of the above.</p>

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<p>If he spent 2-3 years in a special program and the school was recommending a special school, he should have an IEP if he is mainstreamed. If he has an IEP, he would have a case manager and a transition person assigned to him. If not, have one of your parents write a letter immediately to the principal requesting full testing to assess any possible learning disabilities. Once the school receives the letter, there is a time frame and, if he is a senior, you are running out of time.</p>

<p>As far as post-high school, your family should apply to the state’s vocational rehabilitation office for him. I don’t know the ins and outs but I have an inlaw with a low iq who receives a social security disability check and received job training after high school through the rehabilitation office, I believe. He was placed at a job with the Salvation Army and was able to hold down a job doing that. </p>

<p>By the way, is he eligible for graduation and is he passing whatever minimum competency test your state requires? If not, it may be possible to keep him in school a bit longer. If he will be graduating, look into remedial classes at your community college. Ours has a year-long program of intensive remedial language classes in reading and writing. Students can repeat classes until they pass. He may or may not ever go to college but his success in life will be greatly enhanced by being able to read and write well. </p>

<p>If his level is that low, I’m not sure he would be eligible for military service.</p>

<p>Oh, and about your anger: it sounds to me like your brother has some very definite learning issues. People with low iqs or severe learning disabilities may have trouble doing things you would find easy and may react by acting as if they don’t care or won’t try (and they may not try so that they don’t show everyone how they can’t do it even when trying). You need to reign in the anger. You and your brother each has his own life and own skills. He may never be a college graduate but your family should quickly seek out whatever services are available to help him because a self-supporting member of society or get as close to that as possible.</p>

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<p>Usually strong football players with very subpar grades go the junior college route. I think they choose junior colleges that have strong football teams are feeders for colleges in terms of football, or it seems so from what I read in the sports section.</p>

<p>The military is a hard way to go. It could shape him up, but he may be better off doing manual labor than going to Iraq.</p>

<p>Even if he is smart or average innately, it looks like he didn’t learn much in high school so it’s going to be a long, slow climb for him. The other hard part with being a varsity football player is that you spend a lot of time and energy practicing, and then have to fit in your studies. That’s not great for someone already struggling.</p>

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<p>I know it’s hard to see your brother do so poorly in school, but some people just aren’t academically inclined… And there’s nothing wrong with that. I know plenty of people who are successful in their lives and were never good in school. Look into the military, it’ll teach him discipline.</p>

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<p>It doesn’t exactly sound like a self-discipline problem to me - it sounds more like he didn’t get the help he needed most, and so now tries to camouflage his lack of ability under the guise of being slackerish. Perhaps with a bit of rebellion mixed in. So I don’t exactly understand the suggestions to join the military. I think you’d better be pretty smart in the military, actually. Anyway, all this anger sounds a bit trollish to me. Just let it go. Remove your own wishes for what your sibling might be - he is not that. Accept it. If you are going to help him, forget about what he is bad at, and help him discover what he enjoys and has a talent for. It is ridiculous to think that everyone, especially a kid with his “stats,” should go to college.</p>

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<p>Based on the op’s description, I would not recommend joining the military. It’s doubtful that he would even score high enough on the entrance testing and certainly doesn’t sound as if he has the temperment required to be successful in the military lifestyle. Not meaning to be harsh…just realistic. S1 is a military officer. The op’s brother wouldn’t last a day in his platoon.</p>

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<p>These posts are bizarre enough to be a ■■■■■, in my opinion.</p>

<p>The brother is “■■■■■■■■” and “slow” but the poster is angry and disgusted by his low SAT’s and grades. It is presented as his fault while noone is apparently advocating for him.</p>

<p>Huh?</p>

<p>I am surprised by all the responses taking this person seriously. To the original poster: if you are not a ■■■■■, you are a psychopath. I would suggest counseling but it wouldn’t really do any good.</p>

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<p>Would you call a child with a disability an “embarrassment”? Is it possible that your brother is simply below average in intelligence? Or do you have reason to believe that he really could be doing a lot better? Has he been considered for special education at school? </p>

<p>I don’t recommend college for someone with 900 SATs. Has your brother worked? What does he like to do?</p>

<p>If you want to help your brother, you MUST think about what is best for him and NOT about salvaging family pride. What other family members have done academically is irrelevant.</p>

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<p>Some people are not cut out for academics. If he has a learning disability or a lower than normal IQ, school is a struggle with no positive feedback, especially if he never got the help he needed. It is especially difficult for the youngest, following brilliant older children. My father was dislexic in an era that diagnosed it as laziness. All his older siblings went to college. He was miserable in HS, but mechanically gifted and never went to school after that. Ditto with my youngest brother. He had to go to summer school to graduate HS. At least he had some vocational training in mechanics and culinary. </p>

<p>Your brother needs an aptitude evaluation to find out where his interests and strengths are so he can find something he will be good at. It sounds like he may have strong social needs, so sales might be an excellent career for him. In any case, forget any sort of college for him. He is not interested. Like my brother and dad, he needs to find another path.</p>