Your best advice for a gifted middle schooler?

Parents Forum
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<p>Please have a care in a few areas:

  1. A student can be gifted in math or science and . . . not skilled at all in social skills. Having lots of opportunity to be with (likeable) peers is vital.<br>
  2. Home schooled students are often not accustomed to being “one of the herd.” – so a gifted kid who is usually listened to when he/she speaks at home may have a hard time not being the center of the universe in other settings. Be sure to talk about this.
  3. Advancement in one area does not equate to age advancement. A thirteen year old doing college math is still a thirteen year old – usually with 13 year old interests and 13 year old mannerisms.<br>
  4. Don’t get “trailhead fever” – as in trying to push student to finish high school and/or college at a tender age. </p>

<p>I was advanced a year and quietly played with my dolls at home when other girls in my class were starting to date. Not only was I chronologically young, I was also “young” by nature. Sure, I could do the academic work, but the social stuff was a daily hardship until I was in my 20’s and suddenly things fit (the difference between a 24 year old and a 26 year old can be small). </p>

<p>Although we have done some homeschooling over the years (also Gifted and Talented programing and private and alternative school choices), I have to say that the gifted, home schooled kids can come across as smug (and their parents even more so). It can be a shock to their system when they get into a class of peers who are absolutely just as clever. We worked hard with our bright pair of kids to make sure they knew that gifts come in many forms – they have their gifts – but everyone else has some sort of quality to offer too. Tons of talk along these lines plus lots of community service has given us two kids who are confident but usually not too obnoxious!</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>Northstarmom: I had just the same type of surprise last month with my youngest, who is known to all as “a writer.” I had pulled together a couple of links for some short, summer residential programs for her to look at and choose from. The program she chose was one her sister had gone to, so I thought for sure that she would pick the writing class option. She surprised me by deciding to go with a “Cognitive Theory and Literature” class. She said she’d never thought about how and why we think about and react to literature and that it piqued her interest. Cool!</p>

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<p>I truly appreciate all the feedback posted here. Thank you. </p>

<p>Please keep it coming!</p>

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<p>What I learned (son just graduated from college this year), not necessarily in priority order:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Forget any program that is destined to upgrade the college resume, or that it would look good on the application. If the kid is truly interested, then it’s great, but think in terms of what interests the kid.</p></li>
<li><p>Know that what your son may be interested in now may change (several times) between now and college (and maybe even beyond). Feeding those interests (giving opportunities, summer programs, etc) will work to help him hone where he wants to go.</p></li>
<li><p>Encourage him to take part in competitions in his interests. Sports are obvious, but less obvious are more academic and art related things. Also, don’t be over-involved with everything he does. Every once in a while I would Google my son’s name and find surprises. I found out that way that he had won a prize in an national animation contest in 10th grade, and in the 11th grade, had one of the most downloaded programming tutorials on the TI calculator website. </p></li>
<li><p>“Spoil” the kid in ways that promote an interest he’s already making accomplishments in. If he needs mega-computing power because he’s rendering 3-D models and doing computer animation, spring for it. Our philosophy was that we would never buy him a Nintendo or Play Station or any game software, but if he needed Photoshop or Final Cut Pro, we’d get it for him. (Note: Everything that looks expensive now is very cheap in comparison to college tuition and expenses)</p></li>
<li><p>Know that colleges will be looking for interesting bright people, not just bright people, and they love applicants with intense interests. These are the ones that will bring later fame (and contributions) to the school. Bloated resumes with lots of activities across the spectrum on applications do not impress schools. Accomplishment in a limited set of interests do.</p></li>
<li><p>Finally, do not get caught up in the CC-mania that if you don’t go to one of the Top-25 schools, that life is already a failure. Instead, seek out the school that would be best for your kid AND HIS INTERESTS.</p></li>
</ol>

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<p>My son attended an incredible summer engineering program at Notre Dame while in High School but I also remember programs offered at University of Michigan for Middle School students. Just google summer programs for middle schoolers and you will be amazed… Not all great ones…so ask around for comments…CC is such a great resource.</p>

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<p>Great post from Digmedia.</p>

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<p>If son is showing some signs of ADD I recommend full testing pronto.</p>

<p>My 140-160 IQ son was diagnosed with ADD in 6th grade. Because of the high IQ, most academics came easily so ADD was easily masked. The Hoagies gifted site has much info on this topic. So many of the High IQ traits overlap with the ADD traits and it is difficult to separate. In your case, due to homeschooling, it may be easier since I assume your school day is highly engaging. The diagnosis and various steps we put in place during 6th grade was the BIGGEST thing we did to set my son up for success in high school.</p>

<p>Other things:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>CTY & other gifted summer programs do more for social skills than for academic. This is definitely an area most kids don’t get in the local environment. Being able to throw around a frisbee & talk geek?! Heaven.</p></li>
<li><p>ECs - If you continue to Homeschool thru high school you want some ECs that offer physical activity and leadership. I recommend groups such as Civil Air Patrol, boy scouts, etc. My son does Civil Air because of his passion for flying. There is also a civil group associated with the Navy - not sure of the name. If your son likes environmental issues, look for a local Nature Center he could volunteer at – At his age it may need to be a “family volunteer” activity.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Also - ARTS - Music/fine arts/theater This can be done as summer programs, part of the home schooling or as an EC.</p>

<ol>
<li> Important Academics - Foreign Language & Math. If you plan to NOT Home School through High School then be very mindful of these 2 subjects. In our area these are the 2 that Home School kids find that they are often out of synch and scheduling High School classes can become problematic. Most schools can’t handle 9th graders being above Alg II level.<br></li>
</ol>

<p>College Credit & Merit $-- If you do continue to home school through high school and opt for classes thru cyber-college and communtiy college be mind ful of the number of credits. Some colleges ONLY offer merit to freshmen. Too many college credits taken during the high school years can throw a student out of the running.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>MS grades on Transcript - My son will have Middle School grades on his High School transcript for the courses “normally” taken in High School (Latin & Math). This is a school by school requirement. Our schoold does it because these classes fulfill required number of courses for high school graduation.</p></li>
<li><p>The High School years are more structured courses than I ever imagined due to grad requirements and APs – Take advantage of 7th & 8th grade years to explore many subjects. If I could go back & do it as a home schooler I would certainly hold back on typical math/science acceleration and instead focus on exploring niche areas (environmental studies; statistics; philospohy)</p></li>
<li><p>Start making your son take responsibility for his own education by having him design a course himself.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Summer Programs - The Naval Academy has a free program for middle schoolers called STEM. It is not limited to Gifted/Talented. The elite prep schools, (i.e. Exeter, North Mount Hermon) have 5 week summer programs. From what I hear, the financial aid is better than CTY. Don’t forget local programs.</p>

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<p>My advice: get out of his way. Unless you’re brilliant in math and sciences and have a full home lab, he should be studying those subjects with professionals. Really. Online or in a school or with a private tutor or in a college course, I don’t care, but home schooling in subjects that require disciplined thinking and facilities… you’re going to have gaps. And bright kids with gaps run into problems later.</p>

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<p>Homeschooling is an umbrella term for many different ways of educating children outside of the school setting. Some parents do take charge of all aspects of their children’s education; but some actually act more like impresarios, checking out appropriate curricula for different fields, organizing for their child to join a homeschooling group or organizing one of their own, ferrying the child to different homes where the parents will oversee one specific curriculum. </p>

<p>I agree that middle school is the danger zone. In public schools, too much attention is focused on the physical and social development of the students to the detriment of academics. Intellectually curious children can become extremely bored in such settings. But that does not mean that social and physical issues should be ignored, or that the arts should not play a part in a well-rounded curriculum.</p>

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<p>Have you checked into what your local school district can do for gifted kids in middle school? At least make use of the testing services for your suspected ADD. My gifted son went through our public schools, he was first IQ tested for early entry to kindergarten. Then his first grade teacher thought he might have ADD and he was tested by a school psychologist a second time for IQ as well as looking for ADD. The conclusion- he was gifted and bored, not clinically attention deficit.</p>

<p>One of the values of public schooling was the exposure to all sorts of other children. My son also got to take tech ed courses and be exposed to tools and such we never will own, such as electrical and woodshop ones, in his middle school electives. He is introverted, with many of the characteristics and the social interactions required in school were good for his social/emotional development. The age/grade disparity (2 grades with a fall birthday) gets less and less as the years go by.</p>

<p>He went to some WCATY programs in HS- always came home with a superior attitude (we dumb parents, who also happen to be gifted, duh) due to being able to relate to kids for 3 weeks at his level. The educational aspects were nice also. I highly recommend time spent with other gifted kids in a summer program. Often middle school age ACT/or SAT scores through a regional testing program are required.</p>

<p>High schools are run much differently than the lower grades. There are many more opportunities to be with academic peers. You may need to insist on getting exceptions made to general rules for when some subjects can be taken (our district had no such rules- kids took the courses they were ready for, unlike what I have seen from some CC posts). Homeschooling may have some advantages but there are also disadvantages. You, even if you have teaching credentials, can’t know everything about every subjrect. You also can’t be the objective teacher grading his essays. How can he express thoughts he doesn’t want you to know about? HS has science labs and materials you can’t duplicate eleswhere and critical for skills when in college. The extracurriculars, especially in music and academics, are valuable for themselves, not just looking good on an application. Your son may even be shocked to run into students smarter than he is, even in his strong subjects.</p>

<p>I am a strong advocate of the public schools, which are good and better than most private ones in our state. You may need to make them work for you. I had a meeting with son’s 4 house teachers, principal and guidance counselor early in his 6th grade school year to ask them to challenge him, knowing he wouldn’t ask himself. In middle school a lot was done between the adults so as not to embarrass kids- none of the notes sent home to parents from teachers as in elementary school. My son became a “marked” kid- the guidance counselor hand picked his 7th and 8th grade teachers to optimize his education (unknown to others- requests weren’t honored from parents as a general rule for many good reasons).</p>

<p>You will be turning the “we” as noted by another poster, into “he” and distancing yourself from your child. He needs to develop separately from you. In HS students chose their own classes with guidance department help and a parental signature was needed. Parents became less and less involved as the years went on. Part of growing up is learning to make your own decisions- be sure you are not limiting his choices to those you are aware of. One surprise to us was our HS orchestra student taking a semester of AP Music Theory when his other elective choices didn’t fit his sophomore schedule- he learned things he otherwise wouldn’t have despite not doing the full year and taking that AP test. He also had a good AP US History teacher that year who was tough on the essays- if son had paid attention to his critiques he would have had the 5, not 4 on that AP exam. There is no way I could have given him the stimulating in class discussions with home schooling.</p>

<p>A student can always go beyond what is taught in the classroom. Since you seem to have a good rapport with your son currently you may be able to supplement the school’s curriculum and also give him the social skills he also needs.</p>

<p>Son is now a successful college senior applying to math grad schools- never would have guesed it based on how slowly he did the “one button, two seeds…” up to ten counting exercise in kindergarten or his first grade teacher’s initial worries about his math skills (he went on to compress 3 years of math into 2 with her).</p>

<p>I could go on and on with anecdotes. You need to be in contact with Hoagies website and local/regional gifted opportunities. Midwest Talent Search in our region.</p>

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<p>I agree with dmd77 absolutely. There is no way I could have home schooled my guys in physics, calculus and chemistry (and I have a science degree). A huge public school did a terrific job – perhaps because HS teachers in those subjects tend to be smart people with a personal call to be an educator (you don’t fall into teaching HS chemistry the way some folks fall into an elementary ed major). There may be other options but do-it-yourself science is like do-it-yourself surgery. A lack of expertise shows.</p>

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<p>I don’t know if this was brought up but a kid with math abilities can become quite isolated academically if he or she is not in touch with others doing the same or similar work. Look for tutors, a math school - we have a Russian math school - or something that can teach the collegial / competitive environment of math/science. Maybe get him or her involved in some competitive math / science teams.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the continuing discussion. My husband and I definitiely intend to outsource his high school courses in various ways as mentioned in earlier posts, and this is why the middle school years will be a great time to transition him to being accountable to others. </p>

<p>I do appreciate the advice to have our son have a say in his academic load, and while that is a great goal to shoot for as he gets older, he is still a 6th grader who would rather play computer games, LOL. I don’t know of any of my friends or relatives, even the ones who ended up at the Ivys, who had the maturity to plan their future in the 6th grade. :wink: So yes, we do include him in the discussions but we as parents will still guide the process for now. This will change as he gets closer to high school. </p>

<p>As for socialization, we are very fortunate to live in an area where there is an active homeschooling community. Our children have been actively participating in many outside classes, co-op classes, field trips, church activities, etc., in addition to rigorous online classes, etc. Many high school homeschoolers in our group take community college courses and do well, both academically and socially.</p>

<p>Thank you very much for all the food for thought!</p>

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<p>If your son is unorganized, help him develop that skill before he gets to high school. I cannot tell you how many poor homework grades my gifted second son received because of poor organization skills. Somehow in his mind failing to turn in an assignment was no big deal because he did the work and it was “somewhere”. (usually it was in his hornets nest of a locker). It took him until 2nd semester of 9th grade to get it together.</p>

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<p>Lots of good advice here. I’m a homeschooling mom with two students in great colleges and one freshman high school student still at home. My two college students are both science/math majors; they were very prepared for college. Helping them discover their passions, and finding avenues to explore their interests was probably the most important job I had. To that end, middle school years were filled with cooperative learning, field trips, community classes, and clubs. All of my kids also started high school classes in middle school when they were ready to handle the course work. That kept them happy and set them up with the time to take advanced courses in the high school years. Check out offerings for coursework online, at your local science center or musem, a university extension, the community college, your park system… We found real gems at all of the above. Also, with homeschooling the middle years, you have much flexibility with the schedule. Take time, if you can, to travel. In our experience, it gets harder–although not impossible–to do in the high school years. </p>

<p>Once you get to high school, the homeschooling, at least in our experience, changes. You can do science and math at home, but there are plenty of opportunities for homeschoolers to do it elsewhere. Online AP courses may have a suitable lab component. Community colleges provided excellent lab sciences for one of my kids. Another did great environmental fieldwork with our university’s extention and a specialized state plant society. Stuff is out there.</p>

<p>As another poster said, enjoy this time. It really does fly by!</p>

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<p>I am something of an outlier on this issue. Based on my own experience and my experiences with my children (both successful and unsuccessful) I believe that the most important thing that you can do for a child in this range is to work on his weaknesses. The strengths will then take care of themselves.</p>

<p>I do not claim to have any special insights into methodologies for working on the weaknesses.</p>

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<p>I remember saying, in a middle school parents’ forum, that we did not want more homework for kids that age. I said, and I really was not even joking, although it got laughs, that we should just feed them and let them sleep. Two of my kids would, I suppose, be termed “gifted” (though we have never thought in those terms), and if anything, they needed more food and sleep for their gifts!</p>

<p>I did homeschool one in 7th grade. He did things that he wanted, such as volunteering at the library and with a local vernal pond team, and stayed caught up with the school curriculum, on the kitchen table. He went back in 8th grade, refreshed and not afraid to “be himself.” He did a lot of theater in 8th grade, and also loved playing the sax.</p>

<p>The farthest thing from our minds was what to do in high school, how to get in to college, or what career he might have. Just because he liked working with science, didn’t mean we thought, “gee, he is going to need courses in science so he can be a scientist.” Not in middle school. As it happens, he is now, at age 24, working in Silicon Valley and was a computer science major. We did not even own a computer yet when he was in middle school!</p>

<p>Since you are homeschooling, you do have to worry a little more than most of us, in terms of setting up the education for your son. If there is no possibility that he will be entering high school, whether public or private, then that is one road. He can follow his interests, and you can try to keep ahead of them by finding inspiring and stimulating activities (while at the same time, appearing to get out of the way, as he grows up: a tricky balance).</p>

<p>If he is going to enter high school at some point, then you should find out the particulars of the curriculum at the middle school level, that prepares kids for the school he will be entering, and cover some of that.</p>

<p>The same question will arise while looking at colleges: some have distribution requirements and rigid, complex paths to graduation, while others work almost like homeschooling, with a lot of independent work and individual choices.</p>

<p>I would think sort of holistically about the direction your child might go in, but it really is hard to tell yet.</p>

<p>Most of all, with a 6th grader, I think parents can relax a bit and let things unfold. Don’t do anything just for the sake of a college. Have faith that things will work out, and focus on fulfillment in the present.</p>

<p>And make sure he gets enough sleep and food!!</p>

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<p>Make him take out the garbage and feed the cat.</p>

<p>I’m serious.</p>

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<p>One more vote for CTY–it was great for both of my kids. I agree that the social aspect is more important than the academic impact, but there are some useful courses as well.</p>

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<p>^Yes, I think it’s important not to treat a gifted child as if s/he were such a special being that s/he could be exempted from normal expectations of obligations or that ordinary activities were not applicable or enjoyable.</p>