Your views on high school partying

Parents Forum
61

<p>Some students frequently claim that we parents should be weak or nonexistent supervisors in high school lest our children become substance abusers, and fail in their studies, once they reach college.</p>

<p>I am aware that some oversupervised high-school kids do in fact exhibit a complete lack of self-discipline once they reach college.</p>

<p>It is not, however, my experience or observation that carefully supervised high-school kids automatically exhibit this type of behavior in college.</p>

<p>There is a difference between CAREFUL supervision of teenagers and OVERsupervision of teenagers. </p>

<p>I believe that the combination of warm love AND careful monitoring is the best recipe for successful parenting. Without the one or the other, statistically speaking parenting tends to be less effective IMO.</p>

62

<p>blawned writes: "Yeah the parties happen when parents are out of town. "</p>

<p>That's what I thought..... Parents aren't usually there. That is where parents of the "guests" need to step up to the plate. If kids were not allowed to go to homes where there are no parents, these parties would die.</p>

<p>yes, I know that nothing can be done about a child who "shows up drunk" except take away keys, call parents, etc. (One of my hs friends died after leaving a party drunk -- his friends took away his keys but didn't know he had a spare hidden in a key box under the fender.)</p>

63

<p>FYI, studies have shown that kids who have tried drinking and/or smoking and chose not to go over-board with it are healthier than either kids who are substence abusers or those that don't touch drink/cigarettes at all.
(I am not saying the drinking is good for you, I'm saying personal responsibility is.)
I agree with ADad also, love and monitoring have to be in balance for this sort of thing.
I drink at home with my parents, which is fine to them, because they know I don't go out and get drunk.<br>
I think parents underestimate the value of giving their children responsibility: your children have to live on their own soon(-ish) and they need to be able to make good decisions not because you want them to, but because they want to...</p>

64

<p>You know why that student at Cornell died? Because he had parents that restricted him in high school. When your child goes out to college hes going to be all on his own and he is going to drink and their isn't anything you can do about it. I'm not saying give your child alcohol every weekend but he has to be exposed to the experience.</p>

65

<p>I was a child who did what you are doing in high school and I'm now the parent of a child who doesn't drink, etc. in high school. I have read a lot about the subject and have the following advice. Instead of trying to convince your parents your behavior is okay I would talk to them about therapy. You may think you participate in these activities because it's fun or however else you justify it but the truth is that you probably need some help.</p>

<p>Get the help now while you are young and you will have a better adulthood and raise healthier children.</p>

<p>Good luck!!</p>

66

<p>I'd just like to say that I went to quite a few parties in COLLEGE, and yeah there was drinking there.. but even then there was parents present. (Imagine that. We'd even invite the neighbors... or any parents who were around were welcome to come. Who'da thunk of having a nice party where students associated with "adults") We had a few friends that were in high school who would come, and we wouldn't let them drink... don't want to be held liable for that... but they were friends none the less and were welcome to come and they knew the rules. However, we always had random high school kids that noone knew trying to come into our parties and drink.. and they always got shown the door and were politely asked to leave.</p>

<p>I just don't think high school kids should be in that environment, and if they are in it, they shouldn't be drinking. (Or smoking.. but that goes for everyone).</p>

67

<p>The problem with being free and easy in giving responsibility to teenagers is this: many times, most times, many teenagers, most teenagers, will make responsible decisions. But, let's face it, all teenagers are prone to making very bad decisions on occasion. That is an obvious fact about teenagers, true in the past and true now. The decision-making centers of their brains are not yet fully developed.</p>

<p>That one or those few bad decisions can ruin or end their lives, and/or the lives of people with whom they come into contact.</p>

<p>This is why responsible parents do not turn their kids loose in high school.</p>

<p>As for the boy from Cornell: in actual fact he had extensive experience with drinking in high school, as he stated and as was acknowledged in the press. He also bragged on CC about his great knowledge of alcohol and his awareness of the risks. He certainly was not oversupervised in high school. Rather, his college experience was an extension of what he had frequently done in high school.</p>

<p>.</p>

68

<p>The reason that the boy from Cornell died is because HE chose to drink too much.</p>

69

<p>he also died because his "friends" didn't know what to do...not their "fault" but having some basic knowledge of what to do with someone who is overdosing on alcohol is warrented in a college situation</p>

<p>If they hadn't just left him alone to go off and do whatever, maybe he would be alive</p>

<p>As humans, we have responsibilty for each other, especially our friends</p>

<p>If my friend is really dumb and plays chicken on train tracks, and gets hit, I should help him, even though it was his fault, not jsut leave him there</p>

<p>With people so drunk they can't make it home alone, they should not be left alone, they should be woken up, and if necesarry, taken to the hospital, having to deal with a few authority figures is nothing compared to going to a funeral</p>

70

<p>Check out your son's/daughter's facebook if your interested in their social life. You should see some parent's faces when they find that stuff.</p>

71

<p>kinglin: </p>

<p>I agree totally. Parents should check out their kids' facebook pages</p>

72

<p>Would you be ok with your child attending a party with lots of alcohol and drugs as long your child chooses to abstain from those substances?</p>

<p>BTW:
namaste: I have never heard anything more ridiculous in my life. Girls are usually smaller and therefore, they cannot usually handle as much alcohol as a boy, BUT that does not mean that boys should be allowed to drink when girls are prohibited. That is just ridiculous.</p>

73

<p>oh and also...the facebook thing is totally out of line. talk about overbearing.</p>

74

<p>^ well, facebook is public. myspace is public. (for parents of highschoolers, check your kids' myspace! just type in their full name in a search, if that doesnt work, type in their known email address) you will, likely, find incirminating pictures of the kids with a joint/beer/cig or even worse, in their underwear! (which is why myspace has become predator central - parents, there is a significant chance your child can be half nude there - unsettling thought)</p>

<p>as for girls drinking that is a matter of opinion. in tradition girls should be tending to the home, while the MAN goes out and drinks.</p>

75

<p>Do those of you who are underage realize that your parents are responsible for you legally until you are 18?... Financially and legally responsible, and liable for anything you might do or for what might happen to you? </p>

<p>High school kids are just that...kids. Any adult who knowingly serves
alcohol at a party to kids under 18 could be arrested, or held liable if that child drives away after drinking at their home and is killed, or kills or injures someone else.
Not all kids who don't drink are social misfits. Some are just good kids who don't feel that drinking is worth the price of losing their parents trust, or putting them at risk financially and otherwise.</p>

<p>Last New Year's Eve my son was at a party with classmates from school - it was a the party where most of the kids in his grade were hanging out that night. My husband and I went to our own party, but we knew the parents where my son was, we knew they were there, and responsible. About 10:00, after they had been there a couple of hours, my son called the house where my husband and i were and asked if he could bring some of his friends over to our house even though we weren't home. As it turned out, the boy hosting the party was planning to take the group down to Hermosa beach where there was another party at the home of an alum - a college student. ( We're aware of what beach parties with college students are like - all in good time...) My son and some of his best friends were kind of stuck, he knew we wouldn't let him go if he asked, and didn't want to hold up the host if that's what he wanted to do. We said sure, and left our party, as we are RESPONSIBLE for whatever happens to those kids in our home and wanted to be home as soon as possible.</p>

<p>When we got home, the house was full, kids were playing cards, drinking whatever we had in the house (no alcohol), making chocolate fondue with a big fountain that one of the girls had brought, listening to music and waiting for midnight. It would have been very easy for my son just to drive down to the beach - we probably never would have known. </p>

<p>We found out the next day that the kids planning to ditch the parent supervised house to go to the beach party never went through with their plans. The boy's parent's nixed it. In retrospect, no surprise. </p>

<p>You asked how to earn your parent's trust. It's not that hard. Be honest.Do the right thing, even if it's not the most fun option at any given moment.
And I can assure you that he's no social loser. Most of the kids came to our house, even knowing we'd be back very soon.</p>

76

<p>"You know why that student at Cornell died? Because he had parents that restricted him in high school. When your child goes out to college hes going to be all on his own and he is going to drink and their isn't anything you can do about it. I'm not saying give your child alcohol every weekend but he has to be exposed to the experience."</p>

<p>This is BS. In fact, that particular student was well known for drinking heavily in high school. </p>

<p>Don't make assumptions when you don't know the facts.</p>

77

<p>Injun_Joe, You mean the kid who said this only to tragically die of alcohol poisoning a few short weeks later?</p>

<p>
[quote]
I can't believe how restrictive all of you seem to be. How do you expect your kids to act in college when they go from "in by midnight and make us aware of your every move" to "no authority, parties that start at 11 or later and go until 3-4 in the morning, and hanging out till the sun comes up many nights"? I've come and gone as I please with effectively no curfew since my sophomore year of high school (I have my own door to the outside and live in the basement), without any of the "check in"/"file your papers and tell us where your going" type rules and have done wonderfully this setup.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I rest my case.</p>

78

<p><<< When we got home, the house was full, kids were playing cards, drinking whatever we had in the house (no alcohol), making chocolate fondue with a big fountain that one of the girls had brought, listening to music and waiting for midnight. >>>></p>

<p>:) Sounds like our home.... did you read my post # 35? (copied some of the post below):</p>

<p>Our kids know that they aren't allowed to go to homes where the parents aren't there (and yes, I check) at any time. We have parties in our home (no alcohol) -- and I'm thrilled when parents call and ask if my h and I will be there.</p>

<p>We had a post-prom party recently and H & I stayed up until 3:30 am -- when the last group departed. We cooked them breakfast and spoiled them rotten -- but no booze.</p>

<p>I encourage parents who (like us) are against teen drinking to open their homes for alcohol free parties. Buy their fav CD's, crank up the stereo, rent a karaoke machine, rent/or make a dance floor, rent/buy a chocolate fountain, have plenty of fav snacks and drinks. If you have a pool table, too, so much the better. (It's cute to see the girls "cheer on" the boys playing pool - and vice versa.)</p>

79

<p>Lucifer's earlier post: >>> I've come and gone as I please with effectively no curfew since my sophomore year of high school (I have my own door to the outside and live in the basement), without any of the "check in"/"file your papers and tell us where your going" type rules and have done wonderfully this setup. <<<<</p>

<p>Note the last words --- "have done wonderfully with this setup."</p>

<p>Sadly.... as one would say: Famous last words..... :(</p>

80

<p>sooooo .... you say the "facebook thing is totally out of line.... </p>

<p>Oh really. Facebook is not a "private" diary or journal. It is a public posting of info. Therefore, parents are NOT intruding on anyone's privacy by looking at it. If I left my "private" info exposed on the kitchen table, I can't say it's "out of line" if others see it. Get real!!</p>