<p>jlauer - Yes, very sad last words, indeed... </p>
<p>As for the ongoing MySpace, Xanga, Livejournal, Facebook debate, someone else on this forum once said that being on those sites is like exposing yourself in the middle of Times Square - this is something that is available for everyone and anyone to see. No responsible parent should or would think that's none of their business.</p>
<p>what kids post is not using good judgement that is for sure
for example- one of the girls who was slain after a rave locally was 14- her myspace site said she was 16
I also know other girls who can pass for older and that is what they "sell" themselves as
Yes I am not so old as that i don't remember what it was like to want to be 22 or at least 18- but i agree it is an adult responsibilty to do the thinking because these kids sure aren't always using the brains God gave them.
my own daughter posted pictures on her photo album that were very questionable- I hit the ceiling- she stopped but I wonder if she really realizes why i was so upset?
even my college daughter put way more information on her webpage than you want in public.
Just think of the slimiest creep out there- thats who you are giving your info to.</p>
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<blockquote> <blockquote> <blockquote> <p>Just think of the slimiest creep out there- thats who you are giving your info to. <<<</p> </blockquote> </blockquote> </blockquote>
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<p>That's why parents "hit the ceiling"! When my neighbor found out that her d had posted info that revealed her whereabouts, my neighbor asked a police officer to come to their home and tell her how dangerous that was. The officer was great. He scared the daylights out of the d. Child predators love to surf those pages and look for young prey.</p>
<p>just out of curiosity, how can you look at your kids facebooks? i know on my facebook only people at my school or ones i have accepted as friends can view the actual profile.</p>
<p>This</a> is what my parents would see if they searched for me on facebook. Only people from my high school (fewer than 250 students) and friends I've added from other schools can see my actual profile. Facebook does have privacy settings, including one where people from your school can only see your profile if you've added them as friends -- it's not like it's completely out in the open. Not that I post anything remotely private on mine anyway... :rolleyes:</p>
<p>On an unrelated note, for some reason CC isn't letting me log out of this account, which I created to post a specific question, so I can't access my regular account. Is anyone else having this problem?</p>
<p>yeah.. that's what people would see of mine as well.. so i'm confused as to how people are actually seeing the whole profile, unless of course they are an alum of the same school and are on facebook as well?</p>
<p>Some of the kids' posts on here refer to controlling parents or parents who are clueless as to what teenagers do at parties. We've seen it with our own eyes because we were teenagers ourselves, and many of us grew up in the late 60's and 70's when drugs and sex = party.</p>
<p>Here it is from the horse's mouth (aka a controlling mom)
I knew kids who drank responsibly until their judgement was impaired by alcohol, so they drank more and they got in a car and proceeded to kill themselves, their friends or complete strangers.</p>
<p>I know about drinking and teenagers and laughing about how you "can't remember how I got home last night". It's only funny if you're not dead.</p>
<p>I knew girls who drank responsibly, lost their decision-making powers and had sex on the grass, in front of people, in the bathroom, in a van, or woke up in their own vomit and urine having been gang-raped by their drunk male friends--boys they saw everyday and who would otherwise never harm a hair on her head.</p>
<p>I knew 17 year-old boys who married 16 and 17 year-old girls because they were pregnant.</p>
<p>I knew 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18 year-old girls who cried before, during, and after having abortions.</p>
<p>I knew kids who drank responsibly but regularly and who are now alcoholics because the party never ended.</p>
<p>I know adults who have never amounted to anything because they have been smoking pot for 20 years and their bodies are full of THC and their minds are full of anything but goals.</p>
<p>Us parents know how smart you think you are because we thought we were smarter than our parents too. We know how immature you are because we are grown up and you have a lot to learn.</p>
<p>We don't want you to make the same mistakes we did.</p>
<p>We don't want you to some night find yourself clinging to the sides of a toilet bowl while you're puking in it and on your hair and clothes.</p>
<p>We don't want our daughters to wake up naked in a bed with someone they barely know.</p>
<p>We know what can happen to you because it's happened to us, our sisters, our brothers, our cousins, our friends.</p>
<p>The adults our age who are alcoholics or drug addicts were great fun to be around when they were teenagers. Now they're old losers.</p>
<p>If you want a high, go for a run or go to the gym. Don't waste your life. It's the only one you're going to get.</p>
<p>Baseball mom</p>
<p>thanks for the great post. Many of today's teens think that we must have grew up in some kind of pristine atmosphere. It is because we didn't that we are so protective/controlling now. We know first hand what will hurt/kill them.</p>
<p>baseball mom - agreed. but is controlling your children and telling them they can't do anything really the solution? wouldn't that just make them more prone to such behavior in college? or do we prohibit kids from going to college (or at least, commuting at home)?</p>
<p>I think what baseball mom is saying isn't that she is "controlling" but that the teens who think that teens can "control" themselves- perhaps think that she is on a "power trip" and is fooling herself.</p>
<p>I have always tried to give my kids "controlled choice" from the time they were babies actually.
As they got only we would discuss the possible consequences of choices when appropriate- and note I didn't give them carte blanche to decide- but tried to consider their input and give them a choice especially when it was something that directly affected them</p>
<p>some things of course are non negotiable.
If something is illegal destructive or dangerous- then it is forbidden.
Otherwise- I might consider it if they had a valid reason taht I agreed with.
I thought I had seen a lot- but I apparently didn't run in baseball moms circles- but I don't think that you need to get drunk and puke to decide you don't like it, any more than you need to get hit by a car to decide it hurts.
a lot depends on personality.
Some kids have a high need for risk taking and need help finding controlled ways to get that adrenaline high.
Other kids- once you tell them not to do something and explain why they jsut say "ok" and go on to something else.
The parents of the 2nd kid, aren't any more talented than the parents of the 1st kid- but they will have to start from scratch when their 2nd child starts out to be one of the adrenaline junkies.</p>
<p>It isn't controlling to be aware of where your child needs support and guidance, and helping them find it- it is just being a parent</p>
<p>
[quote]
but is controlling your children and telling them they can't do anything really the solution? wouldn't that just make them more prone to such behavior in college?
[/quote]
namaste, what do you mean by "not letting your children do anything"? My kids in high school have/had plenty of freedom - they just couldn't engage in underage drinking or drug use without facing consequences at home. They are/were free to choose their friends, their activities, their course schedules, their jobs, and just about everything else. They're certainly free to choose how they'll spend their free time - but if that choice involves underage drinking or drug use, they'll have to deal with their parents about it. We wouldn't pretend not to see it, or that it was just fine by us. </p>
<p>I agree with emerald that some kids are natural-born risk takers, and that those are the kids who most need to push every rule and boundary. I'm sure it's very different to parent such a child. We're a cautious bunch at our house.</p>
<p>As to partying more in college if one is restrained from partying in high school - there's plenty of anecdotal evidence on this board that high school partiers are hardly the epitome of moderation in college. Even if it was true, how does a parent justify saying, "Help yourself to the alcohol - I don't want you to go wild in college"? When does a parent say this - when the kid is 16? 14? 12? What about younger kids in the home - what conclusions are they going to draw from parent-sanctioned underage drinking? And if a parent chooses to ignore this particular law, how do they say they don't want their kid engaging in other illegal behavior with any authority?</p>
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<blockquote> <blockquote> <blockquote> <p>but is controlling your children and telling them they can't do anything really the solution? <<<<</p> </blockquote> </blockquote> </blockquote>
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<p>This is an immature statement -- something that little kids say, such as, "you never buy me <em>anything</em>" (when the child has a room full of toys). </p>
<p>No one on this board keeps their kids locked in their rooms. We parents have kids who are involved in all kinds of sports and EC's -- these kids have full social lives. Frankly, many don't have time for getting drunk, etc.</p>
<p>The kids I know that get routinely drunk come from a variety of parenting type homes. Some parents actually sponsor the drinking parties, some parents don't like it but say "Well, there's no stopping it", and then others, like me, have open discussions with their kids about actions and consequences, and let their kids know in no uncertain terms, what is unacceptable and illegal.</p>
<p>My kids have up to now made smart choices. I don't stop them from attending parties, but they routinely leave parties where pot is being smoked, and alcohol consumed, and are not embarassed to do so. </p>
<p>A dear friend of mine, has raised her D much the same as I have, and her Salutorian D gets wasted at least 4 times a week, and I mean smashed. She still maintains straight A's even in college, but I have heard some awful stuff about her.</p>
<p>I should add that I grew up in an upper-middle class town outside of Boston. My friends were "good" kids who looked like they belonged in an L. L. Bean catalog. Most of them drank and did drugs because of peer pressure and easy access. The sex and pregancies were due to raging hormones mixed with alcohol and drugs.</p>
<p>Now the survivors of the 60's, 70's, and 80's are caring parents. We'd rather communicate with our children and set rules than look the other way like our parents did. We don't have all the answers. We're just trying our best to keep you safe.</p>
<p>Just remember, the high you feel when drinking or doing drugs is a result of your body being invaded by a foreign substance. Your bodily systems are not functioning at optimum levels because your body is working overtime to rid the poison from your blood, lungs, and brain.</p>
<p>You can get a mental high from challenging yourself physically. Go for a day hike and compare the way you feel during and afterwards to how you feel when you're partying.</p>
<p>you all need friends. i read like 3 of these posts and was amazed. dont u have friends to talk to about things like this. instead u want the opinoins of people u know nothing of. for this very reason i wouldnt expect anyone to care about my statement here. but then again u care so much what "madeupname" has to say about your habits. so maybe u will. get some friends. this is a college forum... not a personal problem teen line.</p>
<p>blawned,</p>
<p>You sound like a good kid who is trying to do the right thing. The teenage years are not easy. And I don't mean that in a condenscending way. The changes that go on in teenager bodies is really astounding.</p>
<p>Just try to see it from your parents view. They love you more than you can imagine. Think of the thing you love most...perhaps a friend, a grandparent, or a pet and then multiply that by 10 million. Then imagine that they were at risk of something bad happening to them. Say the pet is running loose in the street. You know how scary that is? </p>
<p>I'm sure you have fun in lots of other ways than drinking. That is a small thing to give up for your parents sake. Even if you don't know why it is so scary to them...just accept that it is.</p>
<p>I think the tragic example of Lucifer11287 is being a little overblown here.</p>
<p>Yes, he was kidding himself about his own safety and his ability to control what he was doing. This does not mean that everyone who believes he drinks responsibly is deluded. Some people -- teenagers included -- really DO know to have just one or two (beers, not Jell-O shots).</p>
<p>I also don't see why a teen with good judgment can't associate with those with bad judgment. At my high school in the early 90's, there was absolutely no party without alcohol. Parents traveled freely and left the kids at home; others provided booze and stayed upstairs. I was a teetotaler back then because I had a phobia about vomiting, but I wouldn't have had even a bit of social life if I'd gone home when others drank. I would have had to leave the cast parties of the plays I was in, skip prom, etc. And I could not even have had lunch with my classmates during the school day if I'd left when others smoked. I was enough of a nerd without being deprived of ALL social interaction.</p>
<p>If you ask me, the primary danger to kids is giving them access to CARS. No high schooler ought to have car keys at night in the first place, IMHO, whether the state calls it legal or not. I would trust my teenage cousin with a glass of champagne in a heartbeat, but I'd give her a burial plot for her birthday before I'd give her a car.</p>
<p>Hanna,
Like you, many teens can be around others who drink/drug and not partake. You should be commended for that. My D does the same I am sure.</p>
<p>D was never a serious partier, but she gave in to peer pressure and was caught in the act and subjected by her school to tests for alcohol and drugs. Fortunately for her, she tested positive for alcohol and pot.</p>
<p>She never knows when the next test may be administered. A positive for either will mean automatic expulsion. I wish all schools had these policies and the authority to perform random tests. </p>
<p>I know she is relieved that she now has a perfect excuse for not joining in. She is still "at the party", but she is sober. Her friends never pressured her in the past, but peer pressure is always there.</p>
<p>hanna, dangerous as ever, promiscuous yet sensible,..</p>
