<p>So, my daughter is still waiting on the BS decisions (obviously), but has been accepted to the local college prep (day) school. She loves this school and many of her friends will attend. </p>
<p>She has been the one "driving the bus" as to the idea of BS, and has been nervous and excited throughout the process.</p>
<p>Yesterday, I asked which school she would choose if accepted to all of her schools. Her response surprised me... she indicated that the local day school might end up being her choice. I asked why the change of heart. </p>
<p>She said it would be "scary" to go away. I was totally surprised. Anyone else out there have this happen? She is still seriously considering BS, but seems more nervous about it now. I am unable to determine if this is her preparing herself for rejection? or just general and normal nerves? or a true change of heart. I am thinking she is sayign this as self-preservation in case of rejection...</p>
<p>I have done nothing yet, as we need to have all the admission decisions in front of us to make a real choice, but I basically just said to her: "isn't that part of the point of going away?" (the idea that you are scared and have to work it out) -- she said it was part of it, and that she hasn't made any decisions yet. </p>
<p>Just checking in with my CC buddies for any input!</p>
<p>Congratulations on the acceptance! I think it’s great she has been accepted to a school she would love to attend! </p>
<p>My children have been happy as boarders. Boarding has transformed them. That doesn’t mean it’s better than waiting until college to leave home. After March 10th, she may change her mind. After revisit days, listen to her opinion.</p>
<p>Right now, she knows she would have friends in the student body at the local college prep day school. She has no idea who her classmates would be at a boarding school. It’s natural to prefer the known to the unknown.</p>
<p>Even if she is not accepted to any boarding school, or turns down an offer from a boarding school, you and she will be well prepared for the college application process, which will begin in 3 years.</p>
<p>Congratulations! I know it’s comforting to have an option.</p>
<p>Let me tell you what happened to my D - twice. The first time we asked her to “test” drive boarding school by attending a summer program on campus. She was determined that BS was her path. We needed her to know it wasn’t like “the movie versions of boarding school.” We stopped in Boston for the Fourth of July festivities and those few days went smoothly. The night before we were scheduled to drop her off at school she got cold feet. So bad, in fact, that we let her stay in our room and then teased her all night by doing the “goodnight” John Boy" routine until she was giggling and laughing. But upon dropping her off, she was telling us she wanted us to stay for dinner. Until she met her roommmate (they are still friends even though they attend different schools) and then practically put her shoe on our rears and kicked us off campus. We said (seeing the huge spread in the dining hall) “We’ll stay and talk to other parents!” But her mind was made up and off campus we had to go. At the end of the summer session she had to be dragged kicking and screaming off the campus (figuratively).</p>
<p>So going to BS full time should have been a breeze right? Nope. She was thrilled and excited to have options but held back on telling her friends. She felt like it would be bragging or that they’d feel abandonned. She began second guessing all the things she would miss. But in the end she picked her top choice. We flew to NE the day before and used the time to shop for bulky things like bedding for her dorm room. Still all smiles and warm anticipation. And then decided to “drive by” the school that night before going to the hotel. Yep - that time we were both clinging and I offered to fly her home (more for me than for her - 
) But to school we went that morning, meeting another new student in the hallway. Both had second thoughts, but once on campus we parents were “kicked to the curb” as the girls ran off with their assigned mentors. And my D hasn’t looked back since and the time has been a life-altering experience.</p>
<p>That’s a long winded way of saying that cold feet happens - even to those with lousy options back at home. The “local” school and friends are a security blanket. Facebook text messages and Skype became the bridge for them to keep in touch. It’s hard to tell if your D will love boarding school, or if the uncertainty of getting an acceptance has her hedging her bets in advance by fixating on the offer in her hand.</p>
<p>What I would recommend - if she gets desirable boarding school offers - is to go to revisit days and see how she feels. The idea of going to boarding school feels “exotic” at first and spending a day on campus could provide much needed perspective. </p>
<p>We’re really happy with my daughter’s decision to go to BS - especially when I compare her experiences to those of students I interview at the local private day school (diversity, international travel opportunities, facilities). But your situation may be different - I doubt your daughter could make a bad choice either way.</p>
<p>A revisit day will help you quell any thoughts of “what might have been” should you choose the local option.</p>
<p>Thanks to both of you. All good advice. My daughter loves new situations and challenges (weird, right haha), so I suspect she is hedging her bets…mixed with a little I will miss my friends. It is unusual in our area for kids to go away to school, and I suspect that is also a small part of this. </p>
<p>She has been unwilling to talk about high school at all lately, and in one dramatic outburst, she told me she is just too nervous about acceptance/rejection to talk about it. </p>
<p>We are indeed fortunate that she has a terrific backup which is also a good fit for her. I do think she would get maximum benefit from BS, which I saying something coming from me – considering she is an only child. What AM I THINKING! LOL I kinda like the cold feet thing. It means she really does love us …</p>
<p>There are 2 boarding schools and the second she feels might be stronger in art and sport (both important to her), but the first she just “feels good” about . … I guess we just need to hang on for the next 3 weeks!</p>
<p>During the wait we weren’t allowed to talk about the schools AT ALL. I know understand how nerve wracking it must have been for her - thinking back to the days when I was waiting to hear the decision.</p>
<p>And afterwards we had to hold our tongues while she weighed her options. Sitting on your hands will be hard for sure. :)</p>
<p>Andover and Exeter summer sessions are still accepting. Give it a try.</p>
<p>While people have different opinion, I believe that children can easily change their mind. I believe it is natural. If they feel they are scared and reluctant, they are and there is nothing wrong with that. After all, they are only 14, 15 years old!</p>
<p>Your child may have thought a lot and can always change mind. As long as it is their decision, I think we, parents, should respect it.</p>
<p>Don’t push (and it does not sound like you are). Have her do another visit after being accepted. We have more than one teen. Only one WANTED bs and even she had second thoughts, briefly, at one point.
Another we took on visits and at no point did the bs idea click for him.</p>
<p>Follow her lead but encourage her not to close any doors just yet. I agree that it is natural for them to sometimes waiver for a bit. After all, bs is a BIG decision and commitment and is a scary one. Validate her concerns but help her remember the positives too as she works through all of this.
T</p>
<p>Patronyork and Taben1112: this is pretty much the approach we are taking. Since this was her idea to go away, it will be up to her whether she actually goes (assuming positive letters on 10 March). BUT - since I did go away to school, and loved my experience, I will counsel her not to stay home JUST because she is nervous. We would never force her to go away - we woudl miss her too much, but I don’t want her to have regrets later. All of the pros and cons need to be reviewed so that she can make an informed decision. </p>
<p>And, as Periwinkle said, it is always easier to take what you know over the unknown. But, conversely, taking the “unknown” can lead to growth.</p>
<p>The good news is: there are no bad options at this point! Whew. :-)</p>
<p>I would definitely let her make the call…my son chose BS but has had a difficult time and may end up coming home. There are lots of benefits to being home. One of them is ongoing contact with you! I realized that I am actually a better mentor to him in some ways than the faculty at his BS…although in a different way. He has always been very independent and happy so this has been quite a surprise. </p>
<p>Sounds like your daughter has very good options and will have a great hs experience whichever choice she makes.</p>
<p>Here’s our experience with this:</p>
<p>My DD applied to both local day schools and boarding schools. Her first choice was a day school that is a wonderful place, but not anything like the kind of opportunity that boarding school would provide for her. She was wait listed at that school and accepted at another day school that she liked very much. She was accepted at SPS.</p>
<p>We knew there was little chance of DD getting off the wait list at the local school but we did what we could to make it happen, and so did her k-8 school. The whole week that this was happening I found myself hoping that she didn’t get off the wait list because I felt that not going to SPS would be a missed opportunity. As the week progressed, I could see DD having second thoughts about the day school. She was starting to understand what she would be missing out on if she went there. However, my husband and I were determined not to try and pressure her one way or the other. She was deciding between good options, and it was up to her to make the decision about whether she wanted to be home or at BS. </p>
<p>In the end, she didn’t get off the WL and she decided on SPS over the other day school. Yes, she was nervous about the whole idea but now she very strongly feels that this was the right way to go for her. I think it’s so normal to have a change of heart about this momentous decision. Plus, your daughter might be feeling like it’s easier to start thinking about going to the school where she knows she’s been accepted than it is to wait and be uncertain.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>