Okay so I am curious about sex/sexual activity at boarding schools. My question is how do kids do anything with all the rules and lack of privacy and space? I am not naive about teens but I am kind of perplexed about how the kids manage to do all the stuff they must be doing??? I kind of assumed (okay so don’t laugh at me) that it was super safe and pretty much self limiting due to curfews an dorm rules and such. Mods: If this is somehow an inappropriate topic please delete it.
Teenagers will do “it” anywhere, anytime so that helps in the “how the kids manage to do all the stuff they must be doing”. There’s plenty of free time before curfew/classes in the evening or mornings. And don’t assume curfew is being kept. Kids will definitely leave dorms at night or in the early morning (advantage to morning is it might be a lesser offense given the rules and how they might be written in terms the time of day and the offense). It’s not new either as those of us who went to boarding schools ourselves can attest. We called it “cruising” back in my day. All black or dark clothes help. Or white if there is lots of snow. Watch out for those security trucks. Add in the intelligence of the students and the thrill of the game in addition to the hormones and it’s not uncommon.
Make sure your kids are well versed on contraception and have it handy or prescribed, depending on the sex and always know “no love without the glove”.
ETA: It’s not unique to boarding schools. It goes on at public and day schools as well.
oh @doschicos I need a drink. I guess I am naive
Were ALL your friends virgins throughout high school?
Sometimes as parents we can be shocked by what teens are up to but when you think back to your own high school days, I doubt things were much different.
I dont think so but I was a straight arrow. And my close friends were as well. I am a rule follower…
And yes- I understand and I agree. I guess I thought it (BS) would be heavily policed largely by the rules and schedule.
@Center: Remember this thread?
Are any BS “heavily policed?” Choate certainly isn’t.
Please remember that the mod is a 20 year old who is 2 years out of boarding school, so there is little I find inappropriate. This topic has been done before and while a few parents have clutched their pearls, nobody died reading it.
I’ve said many times on this site that my own parents, who are great parents, to be clear, have, shall we say, a rather lenient approach to raising their kids. But still, I am surprised by some questions that the current generation of parents pose. Did you all live in a monastic cell in HS? :))
Anyway, I think @doschicos pretty well summed it up.
Bingo.
Also, no means no.
DS1 lived in a small dorm his final two years at PA. One of his hall mates used to regularly smuggle his girlfriend into the dorm using a variety of creative mechanisms. Once he carried her out in a duffle bag right past a faculty member - who later confessed he knew what was going on. So yes the policing is far from strict. DS1 had a pretty serious girlfriend his while at PA, don’t know what they did in the dorm but I know he owned a tent and he is not into camping.
Boarding schools vary in their approaches. Some schools alarm dorm doors at night. Schools have different rules governing parietals. Being caught can lead to expulsion, depending on the student’s disciplinary record at school.
It’s a hard topic to talk about. At revisits, it may be helpful to ask dorm parents about the school’s approach to teen relationships. Schools differ.
The age difference between students can be extremely important. As many students in private schools are older for their grade than their public school peers, some schools have post-graduate students, and some students are younger than their public school peers, there can be a wide age range at the school.
“Some schools alarm dorm doors at night.”
Windows work.
“The age difference between students can be extremely important.”
Yes, make sure your kids are well versed in the age of consent/statutory rape laws specific to your home state and the state of residence for the boarding school. And just to the issues of consent overall.
Don’t assume your sweet prince or princess isn’t engaging no matter their age. Best that they are informed and armed with the knowledge they need. And females can be every bit as hormonal as males despite society’s stereotypes.
@ChoatieMom no i did not remember it. Thus proving I am a bit clueless about this
Thanks @skieurope
If you are interested in what teens are doing (more than how they are pulling it off), you might find the book “Girls and Sex” informative. Nothing addresses everyone’s situation, but several high school counselors have told me a lot of this rang true for their students and daughters. A bit of a different landscape than when we were young, prowling around in our dark clothing or entering through windows. ( @doschicos, you crack me up. Needed that!)
If you are talking to your kids about sex, it could be helpful in those discussions.
thanks @gardenstategal
Rather thinly veiled reference, @skieurope. 
I clutch, then put my head back in the sand. Whatever works.
Is this your spirit animal, @ChoatieMom? 
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/81/a6/80/81a680ab1fc1998af314ec76ab4c6292–pretty-animals-witch-house.jpg
My eyelashes aren’t as nice, @doschicos.
The senior salute at SPS, has to give you some indication of the goings on at some of these schools.
I do believe that separate from this, hook up culture is alive and well for those who want it. I have pearls and I’m not clutching them, just FYI.
@Center are you just being curious or are there specific circumstances which led you to start this thread? Just wondering if you’ve noticed some things that I should be on the watch for!
I noticed noone marked any thread as “helpful.” Given all of the techniques given in the first few threads, I guess no current student is reading. :))