<p>It's time to reflect on the changes you have seen in your child ,now that the Winter break is over .Before we know it , the year will be over!! What is new about your college child ? Are they more mature ? My D , who has been fairly difficult to get along with , has mellowed somewhat .Getting away was a good thing for her.She is less critical of everything I say .....I didn't cry when she left- I guess we are both adjusting to the new relationship we have ,as she is out of the nest.</p>
<p>Mine is in his second year, but I can think back. When he got in the car for a long road trip home, he told me that he was going to tell me his story on the way – “because I have one now!” Well, he spent most of that trip catching up on his sleep, but he did eventually tell me his story.</p>
<p>In that semester, he lost most of his high school insecurities. He found a circle of friends (a few different circles, actually) and gained some insight into some of the social difficulties he’d faced in high school, and that those wouldn’t follow him through his life. He learned that his family could be a strong support system without being overbearing or embarrassing. He learned that “the world” could be much more demanding than he’d imagined… and that he could deliver much more than he’d imagined, and what he couldn’t deliver wasn’t the end of the world. He learned what it was like to be “average,” which also gave him insight into the high school experience. He had a relationship with a nice young lady, it didn’t work out, and he learned that girlfriends were possible but not mandatory.</p>
<p>At the house, he still slept through the alarm and spent a lot of time playing video games and such. But he carried himself with a bit more humility and, at the same time, a quiet confidence. He wasn’t so anxious to prove himself.</p>
<p>It was harder to have him home for the summer, because we’d both adjusted to our ways of life apart – and he regressed a bit in terms of personal responsibility (as in waking up at a normal hour, helping around the house, and seeing to his basic needs if I wasn’t there to make every meal). I contributed to that by placing no expectations on him and not requiring him to have some sort of structure in his days; we both agreed that has to be different next time. For some reason, it was also harder to see him go back to school at the end of the summer. But he made a similar leap in maturity over the last fall semester and has come more and more into himself over time. Still with the oversleeping and video games :rolleyes: but I can’t have everything. :D</p>
<p>My newly-minted been-there advice: Watch for increased confidence and a greater sense of who (s)he is and what’s important. These are such amazing years in their growth, and it is so neat to see.</p>
<p>My son is about to begin his second semester at Ole Miss, and geek_mom’s narrative is remarkably like mine. Even though my son went to a residential high school for two years, the changes after one semester (plus last summer) at college are much more pronounced, and almost all positive.</p>
<p>I too have been impressed with the growth in my son. For example he sought out a senior in his major to find out how she liked a summer program he’s considering. While he was at it he also got career and graduate school advice from her. I see him thinking about what he needs to do for a resume, what sort of grades he might like to have for the internships he’s hoping for. And to top it all off he applied for a grant to do research in Pakistan and India over winter break. It was a lot of stress to be running around getting passports and shots, reserving plane flights and hotel rooms while studying for finals and doing final papers. His grades were far from perfect, but it’s been clear to me that he’s been working very hard. Much harder than he ever did in high school.</p>
<p>For a well acclimated 3rd year (you could say very happy) college student the “Maturity Index” has gone up exponentially since his first quarter away at school. As a process it’s been a joy to watch with basically zero interference. There’s such a thing as good peer pressure.</p>
<p>I find S has changed physically, as he was a late bloomer so is still developing. His beard is coming in, and every time I see him after an absence of weeks it is sort of a shock to remember how tall he is and how grownup he looks.</p>
<p>S2 managed his school work, job and life very well – I had worried that it would be tough with the ADD since I had done a lot of coaching with him over the years. Was really happy he joined an intramural team and signed up for weight training (and lost 15 lbs and toned up – though he says finals reversed some of that). He is determined to get everything he can out of his school, which means he has kicked up his intensity a notch. Is seeking out profs and people who share his interests and values. Grades were very decent (not Dean’s List, but definitely respectable).</p>
<p>S1 – his shoulders got broad! He’s still growing, too (now a 3rd year but just turned 20). Socially he has come out of his shell. Some things haven’t changed and are still a work in progress.</p>
<p>I was very impressed with my D’s maturity and manners after she just completed her first semester. It was like a different kid. Than she went back and the Sorority rush process started… We hope it is a temporary regression.</p>
<p>D3 came home with a lot more self confidence. Similar to geek_mom’s son, she’d had some social difficulties during senior year - a falling out with a group of friends that led to a pretty lonely end to the year at school. Even though she maintained close friends from other circles, like her music friends, she was pretty wobbly ego-wise.</p>
<p>Not only has she fallen in with what seem like a great group of kids at school, but we were interested to learn that the girl who set off the difficulties in high school did basically the same thing to her freshman year roommate, who is also an acquaintance. Poor kid ended up camping out on someone else’s floor for the last three weeks of the semester because of this girl. Sometimes, D finally realized, it’s not about you at all.</p>
<p>“have you seen alot of changes in your child ?” - Yes, And No. But all is well ;)</p>
<p>D1 is a junior and we have seen a lot of maturity, when she comes home she is much less high-maintenance. S2 had some “not so great” friends in high school. He has made some “great” friends at college and over break realized, for the first time, that his high school friends were “not so great”.</p>
<p>Noticed it more in my son, than my 3 daughters, son just seemed more mature & self-confident. Of course if you have 3 older sisters, you have an advantage in that you are always having to assert yourself! :)</p>
<p>D1 is a first-year. Came home happier, less-stressed, more confident, and a vegetarian! She went back this week and I miss her already.</p>
<p>Yes , many kids turn into vegetarians or even vegans! My D was really hard line -for awhile, food for my D had to be organic AND vegan!! And nothing processed ,so Tofurky was out ~!!She has relaxed somewhat-now she will eat some dairy ,and a couple of nights before she went back to school ,we had Ethiopian food (veggie ) and she ate some banana bread pudding (best part of meal )</p>
<p>D2 was one of those teens that became an alien. It was difficult for me because D1 never went through that. D2 really was a challenging child. She was very bright, but very immature and made many poor decisions. She did manage (how I will NEVER KNOW) to graduate with her AA a month before she graduated with her HS diploma. And with a 3.8 and a nice transfer scholarship to state U. However, there was too much energy wasted on drama, sneaking out, lying, and making our lives miserable. Her birthmother had her at 17 (her second child), and I felt grateful that D2 managed to get to 18 without getting arrested or pregnant. Harsh words, but you have NO IDEA.</p>
<p>Fast forward to end of first term and she is my darling D again. OMG as she would say. She is maturing, making such good choices, and realizing that she needs to hang out with other college students, and not the type of crowd she hung with in HS who are going nowhere. And, if you can picture this, she said over the break that she owes her success TO HER MOTHER–me! She has moments where she slides back, but not days or weeks or months. And she too is toying with being a vegetarian. Right now she is a pescaterian (vegetables/grains and fish)</p>
<p>My kids have shown the most dramatic change AFTER they had been away more than a year. Every year since his freshman year, S has shown increased growth. This past summer (after he finally got his EE degree), he has been a gem–he helped move his & D’s “stuff” from her apartment to his, their stuff from his apartment to a storage unit, from the storage unit to another apartment, from that apartment to yet another apartment, and finally, stored some things & given some do D. Since he came home in August, he has helped us declutter our home & my folks’ home. He is mature and engaging and thoughtful. He has always been very fiscally conservative. We are very pleased.</p>
<p>D has also gained increasing insight She is becoming more fiscally aware (initially, she wasn’t even cashing her paychecks from her on-campus job)! She’s also becoming better at providing food for herself and more independent. She continues to work on pacing & time management. </p>
<p>All in all, we’re very pleased to watch both kids mature (though it was not necessarily after 1st semester away from our home).</p>
<p>Have you seen weight changes in your freshman? Is the weight gain stuff true ?</p>
<p>D actually lost about 8 pounds or so; a combination of walking a lot more than she was used to combined with her lack of enthusiasm for the institutional dorm food. her roommate however went soaring past the freshman 15.</p>
<p>Our kids’ weight and physique stayed about the same throughout their entire college experience to date (they’ve been around 5% for H & W compared to normal since birth & remain about there).</p>
<p>Although I though it not possible, my slender S may have lost weight. We switched him from 15 meal plan to 10 (insanely expensive on a per meal basis)… but it will give him more money to buy food when he is too busy (or lazy) to go to the dining hall.</p>