<p>for whatever it's worth, about half of my female friends have lost their virginities. some were in meaningful relationships, some not. some have had sex with more than one guy. not one has ever mentioned feeling pressured, or regretting the decision (in fact, my impression has been quite the opposite). incidentally, all but one of my male friends are virgins.</p>
<p>no generalizations, thanks.</p>
<p>edit: this was a reply to 13351.
</p>
<p>So...isn't my 'generalization' correct then? guys are more likely to say yes to sex...</p>
<p>^i've known girls who love sex and guys who want to wait, and vice versa. i can't give you statistics because i doubt there are any, but if i'm wrong and you can prove it, by all means, do.</p>
<p>edit: one of my best friends recently ended a relationship in large part because she wanted to move faster than her boyfriend was ready to. they'd been a couple for 10 months without going any further than the occasional kiss. i'm not saying i agree with that (after all, i wouldn't approve of a guy dumping a girl because she refused to put out) but it's another example of the stereotype being reversed.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Couples who cohabitate are more likely to get divorced.</p></li>
<li><p>See, Philip Elmer-Dewitt, "Now for the Truth About Americans and Sex," Time, 17 October 1994, citing a University of Chicago study: "The women most likely to orgasm each and every time (32%) are, believe it or not, conservative Protestants." 42% of married women say that they find sex to be extremely emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to 31% of single people. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>If I were a car dealer, I would want people to test-drive the cars, so that they would know what they are buying and be more satisfied with their purchase. However, I would not loan someone a car off the lot to drive for a year in every weather condition and in on every road. Kissing and "making out" is like test-driving a car. Sex is like giving someone the keys to the vehicle on the lot and saying, "Let me know if you want to buy it in a year." </p>
<p>To mangle the old saying, "Do you expect someone to buy the car when they can get it for free?"</p>
<p>Would it kill any of you to think beyond what has been ground into your heads from liberal education? All sex is good, lesbian sex is better, waiting until marriage is ridiculous, sex with different partners makes you a better partner, etc. Sorry, folks. Take a step back. Sex is NOT about performance. That is like trying to satisfy your appetite with Twinkies. Sex within marriage - for, well, 42% of married women, it's the equivalent of an Inn at Little Washington meal.</p>
<p>Well, it certainly would NOT be better for me. :) While I do think that the female form is a work of art and that the male form looks like it had an accident with turkey gizzards, I just don't think I can get into that.</p>
<p>(Then again, I tend to think that people are born with their sexuality... which is why I find the promotion of homosexuality as ridiculous as the condemnation of it. I'm an equal-opportunity offender.)</p>
<p>
[quote]
Would it kill any of you to think beyond what has been ground into your heads from liberal education? All sex is good, lesbian sex is better, waiting until marriage is ridiculous, sex with different partners makes you a better partner, etc. Sorry, folks. Take a step back. Sex is NOT about performance. That is like trying to satisfy your appetite with Twinkies. Sex within marriage - for, well, 42% of married women, it's the equivalent of an Inn at Little Washington meal.
[/quote]
i would like to see what percentage of those 42% had sex before marriage.</p>
<p>It would be interesting if someone were to start a thread such as this in the Parents Cafe. Many parents over there are open-minded and quite willing to share their experiences and advice. Many of them faced the same decisions and issues that are being discussed here; it might be beneficial to get their assessment of the choices that they made.</p>
<p>Northstarmom speaks wisdom. If you are this unsure, wait. Sex without a deep love and committment may leave you feeling regret and remorse. Wait until you are sure. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, male or female.</p>
<p>Do whatever feels right to you. Honestly. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. There's nothing wrong with having sex when you're not in love, and there's nothing wrong with waiting. It's your personal decision, and you shouldn't have to take crap from anybody about it.</p>
<p>There is a big difference between figuring out "when to have sex" and "what type of sex to have." Start with the latter, and you'll get the answer to the first. Here's my opinion:</p>
<p>Eventually in your life you will probably have meaningless sex. At that point you will be able to decide whether or not you enjoy it or not. If it makes you feel awful, you can stick to sex in committed relationships. If you enjoy it, you can keep on doing it. However-</p>
<p>because you don't know whether or not it's going to have a big impact on you, don't have meaningless sex for the first time. Your first time is safer if you are in a committed relationship, or you have feelings for the other person, because it's much more likely you will not regret it. It's kinda like, everyone likes sex when they're in love, but only some people like sex when they aren't in love. So go with the guarantee for your first time. (And note, this has nothing to do with the quality of sex, but more the emotions that go with it.)</p>
<p>And since you don't seem to be in love or in a committed relationship, I'd suggest you wait till you find this.</p>
<p>Personally, I think that's the best way to avoid getting hurt. If you are gutsy, if you think "just having a good time" is the kind of person you are, and you won't be upset about it later, then you should just go for it. But unless you really know that, why risk it? You have plenty of time in your life later to find out if one night stands are right for you.</p>
<p>geez. enough with the complex posts. theres nothing wrong with waiting until marriage. theres nothing wrong with losing it now. do what you feel is the right thing to do within the premeses of your personality. duh. </p>
<p>Fiddledd, I really like what you have to say.</p>
<p>I don't know if I've ever been in love before, but in my life, I've cared about only 2 people so deeply to justify having sex with them. But because of my religious "beliefs" at the time, I abstained. I think I made the wrong choice, because both are gone now.</p>
<p>I don't think I will be having sex soon. I'm attracted to this guy, and I can see myself being with him in the future, but entering a relationship is not a good idea right now (I have a lot of things on my plate). And to be honest, I will probably regret it. Plus, having meaningless sex might ruin the friendship we've established.</p>
<p>Btw, Ariesathena, I appreciate your thoughts as well. </p>
<p>Could you clarify what you mean by this? </p>
<p>"...condoms don't protect against emotional heartbreak"</p>
<p>But why would I suffer heartbreak if I'm not even in love with the person yet? Perhaps by "heartbreak," you mean the guilt from having meaningless sex?</p>