6 Weeks into my Freshmen year and I am miserable

Parents Forum
21

I’m in the same position. I was so excited to move away to school, then I got here and I’m miserable. I have severe panic attacks and breakdowns constantly. Luckily, I’m still able to go home every weekend.

I have 52 more days until I transfer!! 36 more days I have to be on campus, the rest are weekend and holidays.

I still have panic attacks sometimes. And I’m going through somewhat of a depression when I have to be here. How do I survive?

Mini-count downs. I don’t know if you get to go home often, but don’t could your 66 days. Count 5 days till the weekend. 50 days till Thanksgiving. 7 hours till I’m back in my dorm room and can watch a movie without any social pressures.

It stinks, trust me I know. But take it day by day, don’t look at the big number 66. Take things day by day and I guarantee it’ll go quicker!!

I also tried to join clubs and friend groups, and I couldn’t find my niche. I was terribly bored all of the time, so I found smaller hobbies I could do in my room or the library by myself (That didn’t make me look like a loser). Start a book series. Start a netflix series. Start a personal Bible study. Start scrapbooking, start running, start a blog. Do something to pass the time so you’re not constantly doing school work. I eventually ran out of school work to do.

Whatever you do, DO NOT just sit in your room and cry and count days. My panic attacks went WAY down when I realized “okay, I get to leave in December and I don’t have to come back. What can I do to make what time I do have to be here not so miserable?”

Good luck!!

22

D19 was in a similar situation. After freshman year, we moved states. At her old high school, she had a group of friends for the previous 4 years. So easy to make friends in that situation, because it was just a question of letting more people into your group.

She was bummed out at first–she realized that she couldn’t take the 9th grade to 12th grade photos that people in both her old school and her new school would be able to take.

What helped her was getting involved in sports. A bunch of people with a shared experience is always good for creating bonds. In college, that means intramurals. If you’re not athletic, join a club or two.

23

2 kids, 2 different colleges, same experience.

Remember it takes time to make genuine friends. Try to join groups of people who share the same interest. Try to talk to people in your classes that you sit next to.

Give it time.

24

MOST IMPORTANT - I did not even read thru all the comments so sorry of this is redundant. But please go to student health TOMORROW and tell them that you have a need right now to speak with someone. There is no reason you should wait so long and most schools will respond to walk-in requests with a much quicker appointment. Sometimes they even have group sessions (!) - immediate friend group!

Also, please be reassured that there are LOTS of other students who feel the same way. Lots of people feel alone and feel certain that they are the only one - NOT true. Telling yourself that you are the only one will just make you feel badly about feeling badly! No need for that!

Making new friends can really be super tough. I’d suggest, first, setting the bar lower! Really! Don’t start with the approach that you are looking for a real true friend. Maybe work really hard to find a study partner in each class. Come early to class, stay late, talk with a few people…this may require sitting in a different place in the classroom, for example. Ask for cell numbers and then follow up with texts and scheduling study sessions. If you are particularly strong in a class, then, well, you are just more marketable as a study partner!

If there are intramurals, try to get on a team and maybe even go around your dorm trying to organize a team. LOTS of people would like to be on an intramural sports team and just never do, because nobody asks them.

If you have a roommate, maybe you two can start eating breakfast together once or twice a week. Just ask, it can’t hurt. IF he/she has friends, that could help.

Wanted to add - try to avoid going alot on the weekends. Weekends are down time. The more you leave during those downtimes, the harder it can be to find new people to study with or eat lunch with or just take a walk around campus with.

And I REALLY like the suggestion above about reaching out to someone who was involved with your orientation, particularly a peer leader. Those folks often are really good at what they do -working with people. And they care. And very possibly, they know one or two or a dozen other students who share your concern.

No other real advice - I just hope you stay positive. These transitions are TOUGH. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

25

This time of year we see many posts about how they are having a hard time adjusting because they don’t have any friends. With all of these, obviously try to do them with your roommate as well. But if that is not working out, then…

  1. During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”

  2. Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.

  3. Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.

  4. At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.

  5. Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?

  6. Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.

  7. Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.

  8. If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.

  9. Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.

  10. See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.

You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.

26

This was SO HELPFUL, I feel like we are in VERY SIMILAR situations and this made me feel so much better. I really really apprecuate your advice, thank you so much!!!

27

My son (now a engineering sophomore) still hangs out with his HS friends, plus the friends he met in student clubs, a semester abroad trip, classes etc… (and he is not a very social kid). It will get better, and it always takes a year or so to establish yourself in a new environment except for the social butterfly types and musicians.

Don’t forget to get your flu shot if you have not already- you can’t afford to get sick.

28

I was miserable my first couple of months at college. I was from the NE and went to a private in TX. It was culture shock to the max. I didn’t dress like they did, I didn’t talk like they did and I absolutely didn’t have the bankroll they have. I had a terrible roommate that smoked in the room (I’m highly allergic to smoke) and I ended up in the hospital from it. School had a strict rule about not letting you move for any reason until after 6 weeks. The roommate turned the floor against me and I didn’t get into a sorority (one of only 3 girls on my floor not to get in). I was making no friends, classes were hard and I was totally miserable.

One day (Oct 25 - I remember) I went to the basement of the science room to sign up for a self paced test and a guy started talking to me telling me that he had seen me in a chem lab. He walked me back to my dorm. We have now been married 37 years. We joined Alpha Phi Omega (a coed service fraternity) and had a blast with it. Made great friends there. We also joined a spirit group for the football games and got to run out on the field before games. From that time on I had a good time at college.

You will find what you need or it will find you. If someone talks to you answer. Look for people that look lonely. They are there, trust me!

You sill see kids like my son who makes friends in a week and is super happy (I think I found him under a rock somewhere - not at all like me, thank heavens) and think everyone is like that. They aren’t. I tried too hard to make friends and that hurt me. Be yourself, be genuine, and find something that interests you, there are people at your school that can help you do that. Just take one hour, one day and then one week at a time.

29

@tjjjenkins353 Now do you like gaming? It seems my son found his nitch of friends gaming(pokemon go) The students get really stressed in their classes and it is a great stress reliever. I know he has made a lot of friends that way and seems now to be very comfortable at his school. He also does club frisbee.

30

I do remember that feeling. I went to a party, not really knowing anyone. While standing in line for the restroom, there was a girl behind me, I asked her if she knew anyone there, she didn’t. We agreed to hang out. That was 35 years ago, and to this day she is still my best friend. All it takes is 1 person, and it can happen when you least expect it. It does take bravery to put yourself out there, so when you do make those attempts, pat yourself on the back.