I moved into college at the end of August. I was so excited to make new friends, get good grades, go to parties, and have
fun. In high school, I had a really close group of friends that I hung out with all the time and then tons of other friends from sports and stuff. Here at college, I have no friends. I’ve always been pretty good at socializing so I wasn’t worried about making friends at all. First couple weeks, I introduced myself to tons of kids. When I see those kids around, they might say hello, but thats it. It seems like everyone has a group of friends except for me. I do everything alone and its extremely depressing. I miss my old life so much, I miss my family, friends, high school. I am so miserable and all I do is count down the days until the end of the semester (66 days!!!). I have already decided I want to transfer to a different college next semester. Their is a school an hour away from my home (my current school is 5 hours) and 3 of my best friends go there and love it. I think it would be a much better fit for me and I’d be much happier there. I have already applied! I just need advice/help on how to survive theese next 66 days, I actually feel depressed and get anxiety attacks thinking about how much longer I have to do this. I made an appointment with counselor but its not for another 2 weeks. HELP!!!
Go to sporting events, go to the gym, go to the library and use the alone time to study, go to class study groups and get GREAT grades for a freshman fall. Watch every movie you ever wanted to watch streaming on your laptop. You can fill your time. Find a group that meets frequentyly and just join it for this semester. 66 days is nothing in life really you can survive for 66 days - and then you’ll be at your new colleges and you will have a couple friends to hang out with.
thank you!!!
Dive into your academics, go the extra mile, leave with the best transcript that you can. That’s what will follow you to the next school.
thank you!!
Join clubs and other student activities. Join people at lunch. It’s only 6 weeks. Friendships are still forming.
A lot of the friendships you see around you may just be the carry-overs from high school. Lots of kids stick close to the couple of high school acquaintances they know, but those relationships become less exclusive as everyone begins to feel more comfortable. There’s a lot of jostling around in the few semester, and people who seem like besties in the beginning often don’t end the year that way. Go see your dorm resident advisor and let them know you’re having trouble adjusting. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, just go chat with your RA about school. Sign up for a club that’s silly and just for fun–you might volunteer to be an extra in a student film, or usher for the next theatre production. This is your chance to try something totally new to you. Ask someone in one of your classes if they would like to form a study group for a difficult test. Usually there are film clubs on campuses, and they often go to movies together. Hang in there! It’s hard but you will definitely make it through a couple of months, and you might even decide you like your current college more than you realize.
Make a calendar and cross off each day. Divide the 66 days into manageable units, months, then weeks, then days. Make a point to do something nice for yourself each day - exercise, buy a latte or a smoothie, watch a movie, anything that makes you happy. also, consider seeking out counseling at the school. I also agree with just trying out a club or activity that might be out of your comfort zone, just for giggles.
thank you!!!
are you exercising? It may make you feel better if you aren’t . Also you can find lots of guided meditations online to listen to and breathe -they may make you feel better.
You can make it through the semester! Study and attend classes! Try to put on what I call a “half smile” on your face as you walk around campus. It can make a big difference in mood, where the glass feels half full instead of half empty.
Good luck!
Here’s another thing to think about: by the end of the year, some of these “groups of friends” will shift. Friendships formed in the first six weeks often don’t last six months, much less the academic year. I wouldn’t be surprised if the people who only say “hi” to you now will become actual friends… or your friends will be people you haven’t come across yet.
I know it’s hard if you’re feeling lonely. But odds are, this won’t last. You WILL find your tribe. In the meantime – be nice to yourself. Watch movies, indulge in treats and go to the gym. Try something new on campus at least once a week: go to a concert. Or a football game. Or a museum/art gallery. (You get my drift) The more you explore your school the more you’ll discover things to do and people to talk to.
Oh, and really push yourself in the classroom. Set up study groups (that’s a good way to meet people too.) It’s a huge advantage to do well in your first semester/year – so that when you do have a more time-consuming social life you don’t have to panic about your grades.
Many schools have free exercise classes -zumba, yoga, etc. Odds are that if you start going to one, you’ll see the same people and get friendly with them. But whether that happens or not, you’ll get some exercise and kill some time.
I know you plan to leave in 66 days. Fwiw, activities that put you in contact with the same people over and over are often the ones that make it easiest to meet people. A volunteer group that walks dogs daily at the ASPCA will be a better forum for making friends that a group that decides which speakers to bring to campus.
I know right now you feel like everyone else has a group. Since you want that group of friends, you are focused on the groups. Change your focus and see what you can see. Each time you go to the dining hall, classes, or even on your dorm floor, change you focus and look for the people who are sitting alone. In the dining hall, choose one person and ask to sit at that person’s table. Try to strike up a conversation. Waiting for class to start, find a student in your class who comes to class alone and doesn’t seem to know anyone. Strike up a conversation about the class. You could even ask if the person wants to study together. On dorm floors, there is always that one room where it seems everyone hangs out. You want to look for the rooms where the door is open but the person isn’t a part of that “in” group. Stop by, stick your head in the door, say hello, and strike up a conversation. If your floor has doors that automatically close, try propping your door open (if it isn’t against the rules) when you are in your room. Call out a “hello” to anyone who passes by your door. Don’t be discouraged if any individual brushes aside your attempts at friendship. Move on to someone else.
I think you will find that you are not the only one who hasn’t found their group of friends. More importantly, you will create for yourself some social interactions and acquaintances that will help get you through the rest of the semester. You might even make a few friends along the way.
Also, come back here and let us be your support system for a few weeks.
I think you’ll look back later and wish you had stuck it out through the first year with a focus on finding more clubs or activities where you could meet more people. 6 weeks is 42 days. You don’t rebuild a social life in a new environment in 42 days. So many students out here are unhappy their first semester, but by spring break have found friends and activities they care about, and are ready to come back the next year.
Look for things that take a fair amount of time and bring interaction with other people. Get a job on or near campus that require a fair amount of interaction with co-workers. Join an activity where people spend time together – examples might be student newspaper, helping theater groups on campus with backstage/set building activities, joining a group that does volunteer activities in the community, etc. See if you can find a team sport intermural team to join. Is there something like an outdoors club or ski club where they go on all day or weekend outings where people spend hours together?
Also, try to make connections with people over academics. Trade phone #s with people in your classes so you can exhange info on assignment questions. Propose studying together for exams to others in classes. If you see someone from a class in the cafeteria, say hi (" Hey, aren’t you in the same Chem 191 lab? Mind if I sit here?"
Keep seeking out ways to interact with more people. Assuming your college is an academic fit for your major, don’t quit so quickly. You’ll likely be annoyed with yourself later on.
Its all YOU op!!
There are tons of people that would love to be friends with you. You just need to open your mouth and get to know them.
I have 2 daughters one I can drop anywhere she will meet people and come out with friends. She opens her mouth talks, laughs, and people respond.
The other is quieter, fear of being judged, what if they dont like me, as a result it takes her months to build relationships.
My advice is just be out of yourself get involved and make friends that is what adulting is about (partially at least while in college)…
Join an intramural team.
Join your dorm’s student government.
Join Habitat for Humanity.
Join Film Club.
There: four times a week you’ll be doing stuff with people and getting to know them.
(It’s only been six weeks, people are still joining, especially freshmen.)
Casually:
When you see someone, ask “ey, do you want to have lunch?” or “do you want to grab a snack?” " I was about to go for a study break, want to share a pizza/go for ice cream?"… College students all love food :d and I promise you there are quite a few who don’t have their group yet.
In your labs, seminars,or language classes, make it your job to memorize faces and names, introduce yourself. Never leave the class before lunch without offering someone to go eat lunch.
I love volunteer opportunities for meeting new people because those who volunteer usually have good hearts.
I remember being a Freshman (at Penn in Philly…having gone there on a lark from my high school in Los Angeles). It was early October and it the weather was getting grey and I was pretty sad. I knew my “friends” weren’t going to be my long term friends and I felt stuck. I saw one of the upper class leaders from orientation and I told her I was not really happy. She said that everyone goes through that. Sensing my meh-ness, she said “let’s have lunch tomorrow”. We met up and as we sat she saw someone sitting alone (she knew him) and said “hello lonely boy we are going to sit with you so you don’t look like a loser”. (She was the type of girl that could get away with that snark!) We started talking and he said “I’m in Management 101 with you.” That afternoon in class he sat behind me and we ended up talking at the end of class on the way back to the dorm. As we were parting ways he said “are you going to the Princeton game on Saturday? We have room in the car.” I made some lame excuse and went to my room. I said “screw it” and went to his dorm and said that my schedule changed and I would love to go. Almost 35 years later he is still one of my closest friends and the people in that group are still my friends.
My point is this: everyone goes through this. Some people are better at faking it. Keep putting yourself out there. College is about stretching and finding your community. Join the things you love to do. Be open and friendly. Your group is out there. Good luck!
The OP and others might find it interesting that I was at an event this weekend where several parents were talking about their children who had just gone away to college. Almost all of the kids had called home with loneliness, feeling left out, and second-guessing themselves. I thought of OP. I think many other students are probably feeling just like you are, and I agree with many of the above responses that it just takes more time than you expected. Good luck! Hope you are well.