It's been six days and I have no friends...

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Hi all,</p>

<p>I became a freshman at a 12,000 student university last Friday. At first, it seemed like the best place in the world. I had visions of becoming a popular and well-liked college student, eager to and successful at meeting new people. The activities they provided the first weekend were fun, but I primarily hung around with my best friend from high school, who is also attending. I've met his roommate and his neighbors, but only once or twice, and I barely even know their names. </p>

<p>My dorm is very quiet, and has quite a few upperclassmen in it, so as a result I often find myself watching TV in my dorm or going to the gym. Everyone walking by my dorm building seems to be with someone else, laughing and smiling, but I am not.</p>

<p>I figured my classes would be a great way to meet people, but I introduce myself to the person next to me in my large lecture hall and class begins.</p>

<p>I have made plans to go to a football game with one freshman I met, and am hoping this will help me meet more people. </p>

<p>I am perfectly willing to accept the fact that the college adjustment process takes time, and would have little issue with staying in a few nights a week...but only if I knew it was normal, only if there was hope that it will get better.</p>

<p>In other words, I understand there is an adjustment process, etc...I am simply worried that everyone else has overcome it and I am left without connections or even acquaintances. My classes seem easy, so I am left with figuring out things to do to fill this time.</p>

<p>Will things get easier? Am I better off being patient and calming myself down? I won't succumb to changing my values (i.e. alcohol) simply to form superficial friendships, but I am worried that is my problem.</p>

<p>Any words of wisdom?</p>

2

<p>Try joining some clubs, I’m sure you’ll find friends there because you’ll have common interests, or ask your room mate if you can hang with him/her and their friends because you’re having trouble finding friends. It might come off as desperate but sometimes you need to ask for help when you need it.</p>

3

<p>First, when the time comes, join a frat. Then you have 40-50 ready made friends</p>

<p>Second, when I went to college, back in the olden days, my first year was horrible.</p>

<p>However, in the second year, I started making friends, and meeting girls.</p>

<p>I think you are doing the right thing by going to the gym, so at least you are using your time productively, and you have just as much chance as making friends at the gym than at a bar.</p>

<p>Mosts of the friends I have made in my life I met because of pure random chance.</p>

<p>Hang in there.</p>

<p>We have all been there.</p>

4

<p>Your classes will get harder so more of your time will be filled with studying. Join a club, hang out in your social room, put yourself out there and give it some more time. What happened to your best friend from high school. Can you hang out with him more? Anyway, keep trying.</p>

5

<p>Our school’s involvement fair has yet to begin, and I have a few ideas for activities, but I am just curious if any of the freshman I see wearing the lanyards in the dining hall are experiencing some of the same feelings.</p>

<p>Or, perhaps this issue is a result of a little shyness and requires far more effort than simply waiting to talk to friends of friends, etc.</p>

6

<p>Oh, and thanks for all the responses, guys!</p>

7

<p>anyone around to ask to go to the gym with you? and go to any other “mixer” type things you hear about. And as another poster said, join club or other student group that is interesting to you. Then you will meet people with same interests. If you have traditionally gone to church, find out what services they have on campus that you can attend. </p>

<p>How did you end up in a dorm with mostly upper classmen? Just curious about that.</p>

8

<p>UConn’s housing is tight.</p>

<p>I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea…my best friend is here and we’ve been going to lunch/dinner together every day, and my sister is here as well. I have met a few of my friends roommates, and I’ve introduced myself to a couple of people in class.</p>

<p>But I’ve yet to get more than a few phone numbers, and I have to work to get an invitation. I’m not antisocial, I’m just used to knowing all 600 kids in my high school - some I have gone to school with since kindergarten and some since 7th grade. And I worry whether I will be able to achieve any of that again.</p>

<p>I know, I am overreacting…</p>

9

<p>you will never know all 12000 kids at the college! LOL. You will not likely know every student you have a class with! So I think you are feeling a little homesick with a small dose of reality mixed in. It’s all good. </p>

<p>The friendships that you develop in college will be different than the ones in HS. Some will be strong and deep, others short and superficial. And they are all important! </p>

<p>I am glad that your sister and best friend are there for you. You will meet others. Right now, most students are sticking to their comfort zone. Once everyone settles in and loosens up some, you will meet more and more people. </p>

<p>Have some fun, find some fun activities to do. Hang out outside while it is still nice- besides, it’s good for your health! Smile at people and ask them how they are doing. Be approachable. Hold the door for people… you will meet people. Promise!</p>

10

<p>Thank you so much! I just don’t want to have lost the opportunity to make friends. Everybody talks about how important the first week of college is.</p>

11

<p>^Who talks about how important the first week of college is in a social context? You won’t make any best friends in the first week; you will meet people and those people will start out as acquaintances. Make an effort to text/call people and ask if they want to study or go to the gym or just hang out after class. Relax, it’s only been six days.</p>

12

<p>You need to give yourself some time. Just stay active. What are you interested in?
Sports, Video’s, Sailing, Running, the environment, reading, politics. You name it there is a club there for you. You just need to find it. Go to the student union and ask the student affairs dept for a list.</p>

<p>Or better yet look it up online. To borrow a popular saying:</p>

<p>“just do it”</p>

13

<p>The first week is important because YOU set up a routine. If you put yourself out there, and get involved, you will keep meeting people. If you stay in your dorm and watch TV, you will not. Change your habits, and get out. You are fine. The “first week” talk is a way to push students to be more social instead of hiding like many really want to. That’s all. You would be surprised at how many others are having the same feelings that you are. Just go to mixers, intro groups, even study groups for your classes. Go get tutoring even if you do not need it. You might meet someone you can network with!</p>

14

<p>I felt like everyone I met my first two weeks didn’t stack up to the friends I had at home and was pretty disappointed with school overall. Just keep introducing yourself to everyone you have any remote interaction with. Keep your dorm room open so people can poke their heads in and say hi, do the same if you walk by people with their dorm rooms open. Get to class earlier so you can talk to people more before it starts, then after one or two classes try to arrange some sort of activity outside of just happening to see each other in class. Feel free to sit in new spots every day so you can meet more people. As someone alluded to earlier, are you seeing other gym regulars? Talk to them.</p>

15

<p>Talk to people you see at the gym. Some people will go just as often as you and you can workour together and maybe hang afterwards. Introduce yourselves to people that sit around you in class. Strike up a conversation. Form a study group before the test. If you’re having trouble with the material then some of the other students are too. Even if you’re not having troubl and you think its the easiest class in the world, still try to form a study group so you can meet and chill with new people. Join a few clubs at the club fair. If you join a club you’re interested in, you’ll meet people with the same interests as you. At my school, different sororities/fraternities sometimes host events (Besides parties) in some of the dorms. Ice cream social, man talk forum, spades night, etc. Go to the different events and mingle with the people you see there. Don’t worry about making lifelong friends. Meet new people right now. Some you’ll become friends with and some you might never see again. Its all about getting out there so that people know you and that you get used to networking with your peers.</p>

16

<p>Give it time, it’s been six days…</p>

<p>I didn’t meet my group of friends until sophomore year. I spent all of freshman year hanging out with random people and trying to meet all kinds of kids. It wasn’t until the end of the year I figured out where I really fit in and what kinds of people I get along with.</p>

<p>I don’t talk to anyone from freshman year anymore, and I’m a junior now. Sometimes it takes a few days, sometimes a year. Just be patient and go with the flow.</p>

17

<p>I posted this elsewhere. Study groups are an excellent way to meet people. If there is one in you tougher classes? join it and if there is none? start one.</p>

<p>People seem to get closer when they are going through something difficult together this is basic principal of team building. So go for it.</p>

18

<p>i graduated high school two years ago and I have not made a single solid friend since then, hey that’s ****ing life, you either accept it or take the .45 train out, those are my two drunkne cents for the night.</p>

19

<p>Uconn’s more like 20,000 students. Undergrad is over 17,000 alone.
Anyways, I feel like I’m having the same problem connecting with people. I feel like everyone on my floor bonded the first day / night and since I came a day later, I feel like they have no interest in me. They literallly travel in a pack, haha.
You’re really lucky your sister and best friend go here too. I’m trying to talk to people on my floor and classes and am going to a few events this weekend to hopefully try to meet more people. It’s hard. But in a few weeks, once clubs start, hopefully we both will be in different places, friendswise.</p>

<p>BTW, where ya living?!</p>

20

<p>I’m a freshman at a 28,000 student university. Its been two weeks (feels like a month). I have made good acquaintances in my dorm. Its gonna take some time to make solid friends. You can’t expect to have new friends in such a short period of time. I still have my high school friends who I hang out with every once in a while. I haven’t made any friends in my classes. I know it may seem that everyone has already made their cliques, but you never stop making friends. Since people aren’t flocking to you, you’ll have to put yourself out there. Get outside your comfort zone and join a club or ask people to go out, study, or attend a university event. You may meet your best friends in a month, a year, or two years from now. I know it can be depressing but hold on and I promise something will pull through.</p>

<p>Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using CC App</p>