A tough Spot

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Long story short, I could be homeless next week. My mom and dad always try to keep up with the Joneses(my aunt, who recently had her spouse die, and my other aunt, who makes well over 90k a year on her own, but with her spouse about 130k). It saddens me how things look around here, and I just want insight from somebody.</p>

<p>As some who answered by later questions know, my FA is covering all my college costs. But, the problem lies in my possible 1 week of homelessness before move-in. I know there are some relatives that may take us in, but that's no promised fact. My brothers both live here, one only lives here on the weekdays and the other stays in the house all day working from here.</p>

<p>Rent is about 700 bucks here. My mom and dad currently make about 64k. But, as they continue to smoke/drink/gamble/blow money away, they have both lacked to pay rent for 2 weeks now. I know this since I snoop around there room every so often to check out their situation, and how they are dealing with their money.</p>

<p>So far, they have several loans out, most shady payday loans, and even shadier relative/family loans. Not trying to steer away from the glaring fact 700 bucks is due and both of them, and I'm pretty sure they do not have enough funds to pay with it themselves. </p>

<p>Both of my older brothers refuse to help, giving them thousands in money already and half of it not even towards bills or loans. I understand this, and me still waiting for my job to start Sept first on-campus, I feel so useless. How am I supposed to feel? I understand that a parent does not have to pay for a kids' college, or even have to care two snake eyes and a dollar, but it scares me how bad of a spot they are in right now.</p>

<p>Even if somehow my brothers pay the money, there's a lot to say right now. What happens when I move into the dorms? Will things crumble? I consider myself the stabilizer in this situation since everyone knows I do all the house work and any errands that need to be run. Without me, I fear they'll fight a lot more and will end up going their own ways, my parents maybe even homeless. What will I do during summertime too? So far it seems like things are going well before the semester starts, job offers without my work study and some interesting things that may open up to me since I'll be working a part-time job at my schools fin. aid department, and I plan on being on the route of an Accountant. But what about my home life, my family, what will I have to come home to on Christmas and Thanksgiving?</p>

<p>I just don't understand what may happen to them or me, and right now I'm just as scared as anyone my age would be. Since my parents have yet to tell my brothers, I told them, but they have completely ignored me.</p>

<p>Do they not understand they will not be able to live here if that rent is not paid? Please, parents of CC, give me some insight.</p>

<p>What should I do for summer housing and is there anything I can do for my family? Does housing at college usually make exceptions for small breaks for the homeless or long breaks(winter break) accommodation with fee(s)?</p>

2

<p>You may be able to make some kind of arrangements for small breaks. Most colleges, however, do close their dorms for the winter vacation. </p>

<p>Summer…at some schools there are summer jobs which include housing. They aren’t all that common, but they are there.</p>

<p>There is also the good chance that the housing situation for your family will straighten out before that time comes.</p>

<p>Could you contact a relative and ask if you can move your things there until you head for college? That would at least take the edge off of the moving issue for you. Perhaps this relative might help you during vacations as well.</p>

<p>You have a great opportunity to go to college. You will be more help to your family in the long term with that college degree.</p>

3

<p>Sandi, are they just two weeks behind? If this is true, you will not be kicked out anytime soon ( based on anecdotal stories I have heard). I’m sure there are landlords on this forum who can be more specific. I think you have to first be formally evicted and then you have 60 or 90 days. So you’ll be fine.</p>

<p>In the meantime, try not to worry. Maybe your parents had a big bill that caused the rent money to be late. They may have already contacted the manager and made arrangements. If you’re really concerned, just ask them what is going on. You will have to fess up that you were snooping.</p>

<p>Sorry about the way things have worked around your house. It is beyond your control. It sounds like you are responsible and taking care of your life, good job. Your parents are adults, it is not up to you to fix their problems if they are acting irresponsibly.</p>

4

<p>I second what Limewire is saying. It would be one thing if your parents, through no fault of their own, had run into financial trouble and were trying to get out of it. But your parents are adults who have made choices about what they are doing. You can’t help them if they are not willing to help themselves. If you had money to give them, they would blow through everything you have. They won’t change till they are forced to, and maybe not even then. You also can’t save their marriage if it’s not strong - it won’t work in the end, and it’s not your responsibility. So focus on what you need to do to take care of yourself. </p>

<p>And while the rules vary by state, it takes months to evict someone.</p>

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<p>You are in a classic co-dependent role. Your competence and willingness to help are sheltering your parents from the consequences of their poor decisions (and likely addictions such as gambling). You need to stop, not just the helping but the attempts to monitor their situation and head off problems - your brothers are right. Your parents are adults. You didn’t cause this behavior and you can’t control it or fix it. Groups such as Ala-teen are available to you for emotional support.</p>

6

<p>I looked at your other posts. If you are going to the University of Wisconsin-Madison check out their housing website. The dorms are open for Thanksgiving & Spring break. In addition you can pay extra an $225 for housing and stay over winter break.</p>

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<p>Thank you for all the help. It is still hard for me to cope with the fact my parents act like this. I’m also thinking about staying for longer breaks as well, since I do have the funds to do so(if Mich is correct).</p>

<p>It still scares me how people can be so careless with their money. I hope I do not grow up to be like either of them.</p>

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<p>She can’t and shouldn’t try to fix her parents’ problems. </p>

<p>But she does need to fix her own – including the anticipated week of homelessness coming up now and the possibility that she will be homeless during Winter Break.</p>

9

<p>Sandi3, the very best of luck to you. When you get to school, go to the counseling office. Your parents are not your fault, not your responsibility. You are strong to have gotten yoiurself this far, and you have to be strong for yourself first.</p>

<p>Have no fear, you’ll find a place to stay over vacations and next summer is many months away. Have a great experience being a college student!</p>

10

<p>It’s sad when the child has to be the parent. If this is indeed true, you should move your stuff elsewhere.</p>

<p>I am a landlord, and in my state, they would be put out by the Sheriff by 6 - 8 weeks or so. Have they been served for the eviction/dispossessory (whatever your state calls it)? If so, you will find a subpoena somewhere with a court date.</p>

11

<p>Check with your school to see if you can move in early. Many of the athletes, the international students, the RA’s and such have already moved in at many campuses. You may need to pay a little extra but if you explain your situation you may be able to move in early.</p>

<p>I agree that you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. It is hard to see your family going through all this but there is only so much one person can do for those who don’t want help. Don’t be an enabler to their lifestyle choices. Move on and out.</p>

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<p>In my state you can give notice on the first for them to be out within 10 days. As a landlord, the above posts about staying and waiting for eviction are rather galling. These are rarely one-time occurrences and I have always worked with those renters where it is a short term problem. I never see how people claim it is the landlord’s responsibility for the horrible choices of others.</p>

<p>OP-you are so young to be shouldering such a challenging, difficult burden. There is some great advice above. Please protect yourself and realize you are taking great steps to move yourself forward in life. I wish you the best with your college move and career. You sound like a great young person with a strong head on your shoulders. Good luck with these challenges.</p>

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<p>Tune in to what the international students do on campus. They stay for Thanksgiving -sometimes in another dorm on campus. For longer breaks, I’m not sure. But there will be options for you.</p>

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<p>Update:
So rent got paid by somehow getting another loan(of course). But now I have a bigger problem: my family is stealing what little money I have. I have saved about 70 bucks from my graduation, and not too worried for books, since @ the bookstore they are all priced low enough I can afford them with a scholarship book stipend of 450. </p>

<p>They most of the time make promises they keep 3/10 of the time, and my mom just left with 50 dollars of mine to go gambling with. I can’t say no or I could be kicked out. I can’t say not that much this much or she’ll argue with me. </p>

<p>And my brother is stealing small amounts from me, and I just don’t know what to do. I have called my school and things do not look good for my excess check. It <em>must</em> be mailed, the guy said. And mail around here is either taken if valuable or resent to the sender. The latter makes me happier, and I hope it does get resent instead of stolen from me. And, even in the event it is not stolen, I still must worry about my family begging for half or all of it and offering empty promises like trying to do my laundry in exchange for money. </p>

<p>The only saving grace is the book check I must pick up in person, so that is something no one can take from me. But, what should I do about my excess check since I cannot pick it up or make a direct deposit option?</p>

15

<p>Can you get a post office box to receive your mail? Do you have a friend whose address you can use? Surely there is a solution to the mail problem. Can you open a bank account so you don’t have money in the house? If you can’t solve these problems, then maybe you are not ready for college, or maybe you are a ■■■■■.</p>

16

<p>File a change of address form with the post office. The post office will then forward your mail to you at college. Just do not tell your parents that you have filed a change of address form.</p>

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<p>@oldmom</p>

<p>Sorry that not everyone has parents that respect the difference between their kids money and their parents money. You know what, I’m sorry your eyes fell on my question the wrong way. I feel like you expect all my problems to magically go away, like I can solve everything. Sorry but going to college doesn’t mean I can fix my family overnight. But, thank you for your input, despite how rude the end of your question is. And if you read the last bit of my question the least, I clearly stated that I cannot have a DIRECT DEPOSIT OPTION, that is, I CANNOT HAVE THE EXCESS CHECK PUT INTO MY BANK WITHOUT A CHECK BEING SENT AND ME DOING IT MYSELF.</p>

<p>@Michigan</p>

<p>I may do this, but currently thinking of other options.</p>

18

<p>Stealing checks, forging your signature and cashing them is a felony in many states. This is completely unacceptable and the threat of being kicked out is an empty threat. They need you too much. If they threaten you, feel free to threaten them back with going to the police and filing charges.</p>

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<p>OP, did you see where I suggested that you get a post office box? Do you have any friends whose address you can use? Your family situation is truly awful, and I am sorry about that. But some of the practical issues are not insoluble, not at all.</p>

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<p>Wow, old mom. This is a 17 yo in a horrific family situation. Have some compassion. She’s looking for ideas.</p>

<p>Is there a clergy person whose advice you could seek out, or who might let you live with them?</p>