<p>So I failed to keep my bedroom up to my father's standards and he sent me a text saying, "You better find a roomate when you leave here for school you will not be coming here on breaks being you do not care about keeping room clean as asked." I'm not sure what to do regarding all of the furniture in my room and what to do in between quarters, and during major breaks. As for as next summer I can attend summer classes and sublease in my college town. However regarding sophomore year would it be better to live off campus so that I would not have to worry about having to pack up during breaks? And how would this transition affect my financial aid? This year I received nearly a full ride, all of my tuition as well as my living expenses are covered</p>
<p>Why not apologize for not keeping your room clean and clean your room?
Then again, there may be a lot more to the story than just not keeping your room clean. :)</p>
<p>Give your father time to cool off, and start keeping your room the way he has asked you many times. Parents reach their limits from time to time, and say things they don’t mean. My D also can not seem to keep her room to our standards, and does not take good care of all the may things we have sacrificed to buy her. If you are the same way, it’s time to change.
Another option may be for you to find summer employment working at a residential summer camp. You get housing and food for free, usually. The pay is not going to make you rich, but it is good experience. You could put your personal dorm belongings into storage during the summer, close to your college.</p>
<p>You should start by apologizing to your father…and trying to do a better job with your room. It’s practice for grown-up life, too…</p>
<p>Parents often say things like this and change their minds later.</p>
<p>But just in case your father doesn’t, check with your college to see whether the dorms remain open during the shorter breaks. This varies from one college to another. If the dorms close and you can’t go home with a friend, check to see whether the motels in your college community will rent rooms to someone your age. This varies from one community to another.</p>
<p>For longer breaks, the dorms probably close, but if there are people living off-campus in your college community, you can probably sublet a room from someone for this relatively short period of time. Sublets are usually available in the summer in college communities, too. Ask your college’s off-campus housing office how to connect with people who have space to sublet.</p>
<p>Your main problem, if your father doesn’t change his mind, is that not coming home for breaks costs money. You may have to pay for sublets or hotel rooms, and you will certainly have to pay for food during the break instead of eating for free at home. So if you don’t already have a part-time job, you may need to look for one. And if you do have one, you may need to be particularly careful about saving money, and you might need to ask for more hours so you can earn more money.</p>
<p>Also, furniture in your dorm room is not usually an issue except at the end of the school year. Check with your RA to make sure.</p>
<p>I agree that it goes beyond purely the state of my room (whig in fact was not messy I just failed to put away my luggage etc. from a trip I had taken a week ago) I’m not even sure that he is 100% firm on this, but it is something that he threatens often, so I want to be prepared/ explore my options so I do not end up homeless…</p>
<p>Is your full ride based on merit or finances? If it’s the latter, the school probably expects some summer earnings which would make it more difficult to sublet an apartment. If it’s the former, you should have no trouble finding a job that pays enough to rent out a small place over the summer even if it means taking out a small loan. </p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like your dad is serious about it though.</p>
<p>I currently have a part time job but it is seasonal. I was offered work study, but am not entirely sure how it works, and whether or not I’d be better off looking for work off campus. (I’m a Freshmen by the way, so a lot of this stuff is unfamiliar to me)</p>
<p>My financial aid is based off of income, although I received some merit grants (6k)however my parents make significantly less than they did this year as my dad lost his job. Additionally I have two younger sisters (twins) who will go into college next fall.</p>
<p>Just clean your room and respect his house. Now that you’re 18 or over, change your way of thinking regarding the house. Think of it has his house and he is allowing you to stay there.
As a parent, I can relate a little bit to how he may feel. We’ve been parenting for a long time and there comes a time when we want a break too. To have to remind 18 and over young adults to at least pick up after themselves becomes a bit tiresome and annoying.</p>
<p>I can see his side more after many of the replies. I do try to keep my room clean, most of the time but I get stressed with work etc. and I’m not neat by nature. My dad only moved I. With us when I was 16 and before that I never had any standards of keeping my room clean. I know I know, two years is a long time but old habits die hard…</p>
<p>I have a question and this may sound dumb but what is a “sublet”? Also thank you to anyone who took the time to reply, I am re-reading all of your replies and suggestions as they all came so fast I’ve had little time to process everything :)</p>
<p>Try to see his side of it. You say you’re stressed from work. Now imagine being a father trying to financially support his family and recently losing your job. I’m sure his stress is a lot more than yours. When he sees that you can’t even make an effort to clean up after yourself, he sees it as you being a spoiled brat with little respect for having a roof over your head and food in your belly. </p>
<p>I think you can work this out with him. Maybe start taking a little more responsibility for yourself and help out around the house a little more (without being asked to do so). Offer to help without being asked to help. He’ll appreciate it and you’ll feel good for helping.</p>
<p>If someone is leasing an apartment and re-leases (the term is actually “subleases”) it to someone else for a period of time, that’s a sublet. For example, a student may have a one year lease on an apartment but go home for a summer vacation or winter break and allow someone else to occupy the apartment in his absence and pay rent for the privilege.</p>
<p>Funny how families differ. My kids rooms were permanent disaster areas, but I just kept the doors closed. I figured if they wanted to live in chaos and dirt, it was their choice, so long as there was no overflow to the rest of the house. I do feel sorry for their future spouses though.</p>
<p>I agree with MommaJ. If clean rooms were a condition of staying at home all of my kids would be on the street long ago. For that matter, perhaps my husband as well! We love them and want them to be here messy or not. </p>
<p>We do, however, have other household rules that our kids know they need to follow. They are home by 12 midnight when they are home for breaks, even though we know they can stay out later when at school. They go to church with us on Sundays, even though I am sure my daughter doesn’t even know where the church is in her college town. So whatever your family’s rules are when you are at home, just follow them. It is not too much to ask to keep your room clean. If that is the sticking point with your dad then work hard to accomplish that. It sounds as if you are a very accomplished person - and a planner since you are already planning ahead to break. You can make this a priority and get this done. Move out when you are ready on your own terms. Not prematurely because of something silly like this.</p>
<p>One more thing. I am sure your dad wasn’t seriously telling you never to come back if he told you this in a text. It probably was just a reactionary text during a period of anger.</p>
<p>Is your mom in the picture? If she lives in the house, too, this may be an empty threat on your dad’s part… she probably isn’t going to let you get kicked out over this. I normally do not suggest that kids try a divide & conquer strategy with their parents, but you might talk to your mom and see what she says about it. Let her know that you have put away the luggage he was angry about, but are assuming he is serious and are looking into your options so you won’t be coming home again. I would be very matter of fact about it… she may side with him, or she may come to your defense and get him to back down.</p>
<p>Please check the OP"s posting history. There’s more to the story. The father has been in jail and not a part of OP’s life. This is a little different from the stereotypical strict parent w high standards.</p>
<p>I suggest that you find a counselor, once at school, to talk to. (Do you have a counselor or social worker in your home town, at this point?)Your father has been in the house for two years (apparently due to his time incarcerated) and it sounds like his parenting style is, well, harsh. You don’t have to give any more details here. I think it is already clear that you should find yourself some support, not only in dealing with the home situation but to help with your transition to school, practical questions about work and rent, and so on.</p>
<p>Listen CaliforniaRooted, I’m sorry for your situation. I had a similar, though not as drastic of situation in that after my sophomore year. My father had lost the family home in bankruptcy and was living in an apartment that was just too small for me and my siblings to come home to during vacations. I initially stayed with friends but it eventually got too awkward, and after a while, I just hung around campus with the international students, even during Christmas break. You need to inquire what kind of provisions your college has for this situation. Also, talk to a dean about the situation at home with your father, and perhaps they will give you some latitude about your father’s FAFSA, and help you find a place to stay during breaks. You won’t be alone.</p>
<p>I would talk to your mum about it independently or try getting a neutral adult to intercede on your behalf with your mom, if you think that’ll work better. It seems like your dad and you have a somewhat tenuous relationship and it might be better to go to someone who is more familiar with you. If that doesn’t pan out, you should try to make alternate arrangements. I know lots of places where dorms are open during the summer for students (granted I don’t live in California) and you could try approaching your university and explaining your situation/asking for help.</p>
<p>I’d also try apologizing and sucking up first. Sometimes people say horrible things out of anger that they honestly don’t mean. </p>
<p>Anyway, I just wanted to say, as a rising senior, that I read this thread and your previous posts and found you incredibly inspiring. I wish you all the best for the future.</p>