Hi, I know a lot of these kinds of posts have been floating around but I’m in my second week of college and I’m feeling very discouraged.
I feel so behind socially. I was very intimidated by the party scene, because I never partied in high school and it made me nervous to go out with people I had never met before. Now it’s the second week and I still don’t really want to go out due to my discomfort, and because I found out my school’s number of rape cases is one of the highest in the country. Am I crazy for not wanting to deal with that when I don’t know anyone who I feel like would have my back? The only thing is because I haven’t gone to these parties I feel like I am lagging behind socially-the girls in my hall party to the point of blacking out, and I just don’t feel comfortable being around them while they are intoxicatee. Another girl in my hall stared smoking cigarettes to fit in with them. And then the other girls I’ve met either went home or worked today, so I spent this Saturday pretty much only doing homework and hanging out. On one hand it was nice, because this has been my first day without a schedule, but on the other hand I feel like I’m doing college wrong. Will I find and make friends that I click with later on? It feels like everyone has already found their group. The club fair will be in a few weeks too, so I’m hoping that will help as well.
I’m mainly worried because I saw a few other forums that made it sound like because I didn’t go out to party at first the ship has sailed on making friends because I’ve established myself as a homebody and I won’t get invited to things as a result. Surely this isn’t true?
Stick to your morals. Don’t do things because you have stupid dorm mates.
You will find friends who do not drink and party. Those partiers will eventually drop out.
Start joining clubs or volunteer for organizations on campus.
You WILL find people exactly like you, who are smart, funny and hard workers. it may take a little while, so don’t be in a hurry to do the WRONG things.
Yes, you will be able to find friends who aren’t party people, and who you can click with. Most people feel as insecure as you and friend groups are far from crystallized, even if they don’t show it. Yes, got to the clubs/activities fair, and be friendly to people and if you get along, ask them to go do something that isn’t party-related. I think you’ll find that most people would appreciate that and go with you.
Also, in the first few weeks of school, many new students overdo it on the partying, and then settle down after a they realize that what they are doing is not good for them. Of course, many students don’t stop or even slow down as well, but that’s a whole 'nother issue.
All this social stuff is really difficult and I had probably as hard a time as you are having. You can do it though
No, the ship hasn’t even come close to sailing with regard to making friends. Sure, the first wave has passed, but the social experience at college is a marathon- not a sprint. You’ll meet plenty of like-minded people if you sign-up for groups or go to events that take place during typical party times. While everyone that is into the party scene is tearing the place up, you and the other more reserved types will be doing something entirely different. Just try not to stress it- it’ll happen.
As far as rape, never go out/party alone, and never let yourself or your friends go home alone. Women have power in numbers. Also, alcohol clouds judgement, so if you decide to drink in the future, limit yourself until you know your tolerance (a great rule of thumb is no more than one drink per hour). If you’re still worried, you can always see if your school has any self defense classes. I hear it’s very empowering for women
Thank you all so much for the advice! It makes me feel a thousand times better. I’ve found a good place - a coffee shop time area - that’s good to study in where I’ve met some others. The club fair is next weekend, and I already have a few I’m thinking about approaching to join.
