<p>To answer the question posed above - if my daughter were complaining about any noise which was keeping her awake (including the suite mate’s shower) - I would have sent her earplugs and/or a noise machine to help her to sleep. (I know that these noise machines work wonders at drowning out any sound and keeping you asleep as my husband uses one). At the start of the year when she complained about the room not being dark enough I sent her room darkening curtains and an eye mask.</p>
<p>This is a dorm, not a single family home. There is noise all of the time. And these are college kids, who have to study and are out late for various events/ study sessions/ sports. Saying that she should shower before 10 may be impossible. And some people have a real aversion to getting into bed without showering. </p>
<p>I would still recommend that she talk to the suitemate, don’t take really long showers. Try to limit the late night showers as much as possible- especially sunday through Thursday nights. That is all your daughter can really do</p>
<p>I sympathize with the suite-mate. I am an light sleeper and had an early morning job when I was in school. I often had to drag my behind through the day because of inconsiderate hall-mates.</p>
<p>If your daughter is so set in her ways that she can’t contemplate a different time to shower then the suitie should move. But I would caution your daughter to consider that the devil she knows may be preferable to the devil she doesn’t. And if she is so inflexible at this young age she is setting herself up for the possibility of more conflicts in relationships with future apartment-mates, boy friends, in-laws, whomever.</p>
<p>“As someone who used to have a bedroom close to the shower and who was disturbed by it every.single.morning. when my H got up well before I did, I will tell you that the roommate has a legitimate complaint.”</p>
<p>I’m just curious did you make your husband switch around his schedule?</p>
<p>I think the daughter should try not to take a shower at 1am when its possible, but I undertand that depending on schedules there will still be days when has to. I personally think rules such as no showers after 10pm are childish and inappropriate for a dorm setting.</p>
<p>I think maybe the suitemate came to the dorms with unrealistic expectations of what life would be like in dorms. Maybe she came from a household where she was the only child and isn’t aware how different other young adults’ schedules can be. I would let her change rooms if she wants to, and she will probably find something else to gripe about with her new roommate.</p>
<p>And does she use earplugs? I always had them handy when I lived with other people. I used them mostly when I needed the to study or relax and get absorbed into a book.</p>
<p>
Really? Regardless of the circumstances? What if the suitemate started taking showers at 4am - would you expect your D to not say anything to the suitemate and try to reach a reasonable compromise rather than this more hands-off approach?</p>
<p>I certainly wouldn’t recommend to my kids to wear ear plugs every night to bed - they might not be able to hear their alarm to wake up in time for class and as a safety issue, might not be able to hear other alarms or commotion. It’s not a good idea to recommend earplugs for this.</p>
<p>I do think a white noise source is a good idea and I use one of those myself. Anyone in that environment may benefit from a white noise source.</p>
<p>However, you have to look at each side and consider what’s reasonable since ultimately there needs to be compromise due to them having to live somewhat together, preferably at a reasonably harmonious level. Forget about this being your D for a minute and consider whether it makes more sense for the suitemate to simply tolerate being woken up because your D happens to feel like taking a shower so late, or whether it makes more sense for your D to simply shift her shower a couple or so hours earlier. On the one hand someone is woken up and ends up without adequate sleep which has many detrimental effects, and on the other hand someone gets clean a couple of hours earlier than they otherwise would. Which is a more reasonable compromise?</p>
<p>Sounds like first world problems.</p>
<p>^^^^^I was wondering how long it would take someone to say that!!!LOL</p>
<p>I’m sorry but most of you are blaming OP DD. The suitemate is being unreasonable. This is college not your own home .Notice the suite mate is YELLING at her , is not friendly and has a boyfriend “sleeping” over which she most likely is having SEX with when DD is trying to take a shower. Suitemate needs to get ear plugs, or move. She does not sound like a friendly person.</p>
<p>Did your daughter fill out a housing questionnaire before being matched with this roommate or was it simply potluck? My D’s first year, the girls filled out extensive questions in regard to cleanliness, night owl/early riser habits, etc. If I found myself in the OP’s D situation and I told the housing folks I was a night owl, then I would be curious if the roommate said she was a night owl too or if housing mis-matched them. If roommate stated she was a night owl and is now changing the rules of the game I would not have much sympathy, but as a general rule, I think in a community living situation that quiet hours of midnight to 7 or 8 am is not too much ask for in regard to general respect. A shower at 7:00 am for a 8:00 am class is very different than a shower at 1:00 am just because you feel like a shower at 1:00 am. And on another note, if your D wants to stand her ground and the suite-mate wants to move out, what’s the big deal? Your D should not take it personally-she certainly does not need to sell herself to this other girl, but may want to consider that middle of night showers may not be the best welcome mat. (I guess I don’t understand not being able to change her hours. She doesn’t have to change the way she studies, etc, how about going to class, swinging in for a shower and then hitting the library etc, just a minor adjustment to routine, not full change of schedule)</p>
<p>“I’m just curious did you make your husband switch around his schedule?”</p>
<p>No-he had a job to get to and I didn’t have to be at work for another two hours. I just suffered and lost sleep-really. I never did get used to it. The issue here, though, isn’t a person WORKING, just showering in the middle of the night because she feels like it. That’s a huge difference from someone having to be at a job at a certain time.</p>
<p>^ Don’t most parents on here take education very seriously, and want their student to treat it as their job? Therefore I would argue that the D is also getting ready for work. ;)</p>
<p>She’s not getting ready for work at 1 am. Come on.</p>
<p>Although that was meant to be sacrastic…I would say that if going to school is her job and she is showering after staying up late studying or being out late for other activites in order to be ready for the next day, then yes she is getting ready for work.</p>
<p>Not everyone takes their showers the “morning of” wrok or class etc…</p>
<p>Yes but she can do that at 11 and go back to studying…</p>
<p>My daughter is showering when she gets back to her room at the end of the day (then puts on her PJs and stays put in her room for the night). Because the dorm is all suite style living, there are no communal baths, showers, or toilets, and the kids don’t hang out in their PJs. (Which I believe some college kids do). Her evening activities - studying, socializing, clubs, etc. are in other buildings (library, student center, classrooms, computer lab, etc.). When she is done with whatever is on her agenda for the night, she then packs it in and returns to her room - this can be after midnight. I think it would be terrible if she spent all evening in her room alone - which was one of my concerns when she was assigned a single room. From what she says 1 am is not that late for her dorm - there are kids still hanging out in lounges and in the halls at that hour and it is never really quiet at any hour of the day or night (compounded by being in the city with alarms, street noise, and traffic noise all the time.)</p>
<p>"Yes but she can do that at 11 and go back to studying… "</p>
<p>I think you are incorrectly assuming she’s hanging out in her room all night waiting to take a shower until 1 am. She’s probably OUT until 1 am because of studying/other activites. Who can get any studying done in a freshman dorm anyway? You have to go to the library or coffee shop.</p>
<p>crossposted with OP saying the same same thing, I get it kiddie</p>
<p>OP,
If your D doesn’t shower at night, what time does she shower in the morning when she has an 8 AM class? Seems like the suite mate might be disturbed by that too.</p>
<p>For those saying the D should shower at 10 or 11, what if she’s studying at the library till late at night?</p>
<p>She has to make a choice. Change her schedule and keep the roommate or continue with the same schedule and get a new roommate. Which is more important? The next roommate may be a nightmare or become her best friend. Does she know anyone who would want to move into the other room if the school allows this? My daughter’s freshman roommate kept the tv on ALL night with the volumn UP. There was no room for compromise. The RA was little help. It really messed with my daughters sleep. A shower in the next room would have been welcomed as a much quieter night.</p>
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<p>Yes this. It is about learning to compromise if you wish to stay living with someone. 1:00 AM is late and if it’s bothering the roommate it’s bothering the roommate. It’s not a right or wrong answer, showering at 1:00AM. It’s a sticking point to the living arrangement. If the roommate is yelling, chances are the roommate has asked her not to take showers at 1:00 AM and can’t stand it anymore. Earplugs is a dumb idea for all the reasons given above. If the roommate splits, I would suggest the OPs daughter be upfront about the late night showers if the OPs D does not wish to alter her schedule so the next roommate knows. Lesson learned.</p>
<p>Truly, I think this is somewhere that the OP’s D can bend. If she is really, truly staying out until midnight or one AM every day to study, then shower in the morning. </p>
<p>I work many shifts til midnight, so trust me- I get staying out late. BUT my shower is right next to my roommate’s bed (same wall) so I wait until the morning when that happens because he works early. Why? Because it’s considerate. You need to have some give and take when living in a shared space.</p>