For my first semester of college I thought it’d be good to room with a friend of mine. Yes, I know that they say to never move in with friends, and I’ve learned this the hard way. She is still a good friend, but I’ve found her impossible to live with, so impossible that I feel the need to stay with someone else every night rather than sleeping in my own room.
She and her friends will get drunk and eat my food and not realize it, and then swear that it wasn’t them the next day. The food and drinks I do offer to share with her she always finishes. She tells me she’ll replace what she uses up, which she does, only in a smaller quantity than what she took and which she also finishes. I’m never in our room to avoid her, but she asks me to help with chores like I’ve created a mess there or makes it seem like she’s doing me a favor when she does them herself. I allow her to use my tv, but she uses my netflix, which I never gave her permission to do. I have a different class schedule than she does and she needs more sleep than I do, so while I like to stay up late and get homework done, any ounce of light or noise that comes from me bothers her. She basically expects me to conform to her sleep schedule, because she’ll wake me up in the morning when she gets up as well. There’s also the fact that she and her boyfriend are one of those annoying couples everyone hates and they’re always either over the top mushy or fighting over a video call, and I always have to hear it if I’m in the room. I could go on, but I’ll stop here. Before anyone asks, yes, I’ve addressed these problems with her. I’ve talked to her about these things and nothing has changed. Also, there’s no higher power I can go to without making things worse. They will most likely not help me because I’ve looked it up and there’s policy or anything to help me out, and if they do help me, not only will I ruin my friendship, I’ll end up with a roommate that hates me. I do regret rooming with her, but she’s a good friend that I’d like to keep. This is making me dread going back to school for the upcoming semester. Help?
Is a roommate change a possibility? Surely she’s noticed that you two aren’t really compatible roommates as well.
For food, can you stash it somewhere? Maybe in your closet or something, I dunno. Put it somewhere where she has no excuse to be, so it’ll be harder to grab. Also, try talking to her about it. Make sure she knows how much it bothers you.
For the sleeping problems, maybe you can compromise? I was very mismatched one semester (I slept 2am-11, she slept 10pm-7), but we managed okay. I worked on my laptop in the dark at night, and she tiptoed around in the mornings while getting ready. So long as both people are respectful, it can work out. Earplugs and eyemasks are pretty helpful too, have you suggested those to her?
Overall it sounds like you need better communication though. If you don’t make it clear that you have a problem, nothing is going to change. If you’ve made yourself clear and she hasn’t changed I’d definitely suggest looking for a new room.
I am not sure why this person would still be a “good friend” who you apparently don’t want to lose, when she is showing you little to no consideration. Mooching your food, asking you to clean up her mess, insisting you respect her sleep schedule but refusing to respect yours…she sounds like a peach of a friend! :sarcastic smiley:
I would talk to her before you get back to school, if possible, or as soon as you return, and lay out ground rules for the coming semester. Pick your battles. It sounds like sleeping schedule that will allow you to live in the room comfortably should be #1. Tell your roommate you need to devise a plan so you can both study and sleep in comfort. I wouldn’t make a huge deal about the chores. You can pick some that you feel justified in taking on, or that will make the space livable for you (if the floor gets nasty, volunteer to vacuum. if you want to shower in the room, volunteer to clean the bathroom.) I wouldn’t bring up the food. Its likely to devolve into petty argument over “that one time you finished a can of Pringles that I bought” that isn’t going to solve anything. You can hide your food better or just not keep food in your room if its going to get taken by the drunk friends.
Surely you have an RA that would be able to help you in this situation. There doesn’t need to be a policy for your RA to be able to help you out. You can do a roommate mediation, which is essentially just both of you sitting down with your RA to discuss the issues that you’re having. Maybe talking to someone other than you about these problems will help your roommate understand your frustration without making her think that you are trying to get her in trouble. At the very least you should make your RA aware of the problems that you are having with your roommate so that he/she can keep an eye on it and see if a room change is necessary.
-Your friendly neighborhood RA 
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Control what you can control. Tell her the sharing of food isn’t working out, let’s just get our own food. THen get a locking box for your food. Change your Netflix password and log out when you are done. Pretend like you don’t know what happened.
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You can go to a higher power. The friendship is already in danger…Go to your RA and ask for advice on what to do.
Talk about how to negotiate with her and what you have tried. The RA doesn’t have to talk to her at this point. -
Suck up what you can suck up and do what you gotta do.
You may decide that you like a neat room, so when she asks you to clean up her mess, go ahead and do so. It is better than it never getting clean.
However, you may feel that studying til midnight is a reasonable thing so tell her that she needs to get a sleeping mask and ear plugs. Now if you are staying up until 3am then I agree that isn’t cool.
If I was in that situation I would honestly move out of my room. That’s way too much to be dealing with. You can’t even relax in your own room because of her. She may be your friend but you have to be real with yourself and just say hey I can’t do this. Definitely look into switching rooms. It may make your stay much better. Hope all goes well!