<p>I have a smart son who is a sophomore at a very good college. Any (very part-time) summer work this son has had in the past, he has had because one of his parents dragged him to complete a job application. And in those cases the work was very part-time and temporary. Otherwise he laid around the house, worked out, acted put upon if asked to do anything around the house, and was frequently rude to me. He does not work at college.</p>
<p>Like every summer since he was 16, I asked this son to start looking for and applying for jobs early. I also told him he was not welcome to come home and sit around all summer, earning little and causing problems for the rest of us who are working. He applied for one internship abroad and one study abroad program, and was turned down for both. He has not applied for anything else that I know of.</p>
<p>I do not want this son to live at home this summer without a full-time job, and I do not want him to graduate in two years and be unwilling/unmotivated to pound the pavement for jobs then, either. If I do not let him come home, he will probably intrude upon some friend's family or have to live in a homeless shelter. If I give him money to pay rent somewhere else, I will still be worrying about what happens when he graduates.</p>
<p>I am starting to think that if he does not get a summer job, he should stop school until he has taken and worked at a job for a year. Maybe he would gain some motivation and gumption then. What do other parents think? Am I over-reacting? (Without my financial assistance, he could not go back to school in the fall.)</p>
<p>Told our son the same exact thing. He will be living at school in his apartment. The rent is already paid for anyway. Guess what? He found a job. Even if he only works part-time there, at least I wont be aggravated by the late sleeping and do nothing attitude that he has here when he is home.</p>
<p>Is he 21 years old? If not, you’d still be paying child support for him, were you divorced. So yes, if you’re now seriously tossing him out where he’d have to live on the charity of another family or be homeless, I think you’re a bad parent. </p>
<p>Okay, sorry to be so blunt. Let me come at this another way – the kid is a sophomore, still young. He did apply to two internships that you know of, and was rejected from both. Why not sit down with him and insist that he do a volunteer opportunity this summer, if he can’t find a job? </p>
<p>Once he finishes college, if he’s still lounging around home and not looking for work, then fine – kick him out.</p>
<p>Well. at least has applied for an internship and study abroad. It is hard to get internships right now. Is it possible that he is spending a lot of time with wealthier kids who do not have to work, and just travel or whatever they want? Is it possible that he is around well-connected or go-getter kids at the top college, who are snagging prestigious interhsips for the summer, on Wall Street, in Silicon Valley, in Africa etc?</p>
<p>I have noticed that the atmosphere at Ivies and other colleges seems to discourage kids from coming home and working in the grocery store, but then again, the more desirable positions in interships and summer programs can be very selective.</p>
<p>Also, sophomores are in limbo a bit: it’s mostly older students who get the internships, but sophomores still apply and can be disappointed.</p>
<p>Just some thoughts.</p>
<p>Does your son want to come home? Paying for an apartment wouldn’t make much sense if the point is to earn money to help with college. If I were your son, I would then figure that money is not the issue; he might figure that if no apartment is paid for, then he will save the equivalent amount by staying home, and therefore does not need to work.</p>
<p>It is always easier for kids to be motivated if the wages are actually needed, rather than working to build character in the parents’ eyes.</p>
<p>Does he have an interest that he is pursuing in particular? Can you help him find an activity in his area of interest that either pays, or helps him develop that interest? I am assuming he has already used college resources, since he applied to those two possible programs. </p>
<p>Many kids are having these problems right now.</p>
<p>Have you outlined the exact paramenters for his living at home this summer with him?</p>
<p>I have no problem with setting rules. I do have a problem with setting rules without a timeline to comply to.</p>
<p>Every summer for 5 yrs you have asked him to get a job and not lay around the house. If he has lain around every summer without repercussions why should he think this time you are serious?</p>
<p>Spell it out in writing so there is no misunderstanding.</p>
<p>If you are seriously pointing him inthe direction of a homeless shelter, you are a bad parent. Sounds as if you are just seeking the correct balance for a “tough love” approach - if so, I would say you are a good parent.</p>
Since when is child support payable until a child turns 21? I think the OP has a valid point and I’d stop providing a comfortable living for an adult child who didn’t feel like working.</p>
<p>Does he want to come home? I guess that would be my first question. Last summer my sophomore son came home, he had a job lined up, but a couple weeks into the break decided he’d rather be back in the college town. He still had the apartment (year lease) and we told him he could go but we couldn’t give him summer “spending money” that he’d have to line up a job. He lined up a job. He went back. He got a couple weeks off from his job in the college town and is coming home for a couple weeks, then back again this summer. Ask your son if he even wants to come home for more than a quick visit. The answer might surprise you. If he doesn’t come home then you can put some stipulations on just how that arrangement will work financially for him.</p>
<p>I agree with the advice regarding putting it in writing. The rules? Look actively for a job. Perhaps a certain number of apps per week and walking in places. When not looking, do stuff around the house (give examples). Sleep no later than x (for me it would probably be 9) on the weekdays. Don’t like these rules? Find another place to stay. </p>
<p>Now, let’s say he agrees and doesn’t change his tune. That can be tough. Are you paying for incidental expenses at college? Maybe it’s time to back off. So he actually needs to earn money. Make this clear too. If he can’t find a job (it’s tough out there right now) - maybe you can give him a small amount per week towards his spending money if he abides by the rules and does lots of home projects. If he doesn’t…NOTHING. Good luck.</p>
<p>We’re still in a recession. Jobs are difficult to find. Even minimum wage jobs. </p>
<p>Considering that, I wouldn’t toss my kid to the curb if he’s unable to find work. I would, however, discontinue all “creature comforts” like cell phone, gas for the car, etc. If he wants those perqs while living at home, he’d have to earn them.</p>
<p>Jobs are difficult to find. Volunteer work isn’t (if you’re open-minded about the type of work). It sounds like money isn’t really the issue for this family – the issue is being a slug vs. being productive. So I’d say that a condition of being supported over the summer, whether at home or elsewhere, should be daily productive effort with a summer-long commitment. If he’s putting in hours every day at the soup kitchen or the children’s hospital, that would be good enough for me.</p>
<p>I must be missing something, it’s the “jobs are very hard to come by now days” thing. I’ve heard it so many times. I live in a district with three 4000 seat high schools, within ten miles there are at least four others, and still have yet to find a child who could not get a job if he wanted one. These are not jobs in their chosen field, interest area or whatever, but minimum wage jobs that need to get done - Pushing carts, scooping ice cream, cleaning the cages at the vet, bussing tables etc.
There’s so much to be learned through the discipline of having to show up and punch in on time, do work that might not be your favorite thing, deal with the various personalities etc.</p>
<p>Maybe not the case with the OP, but the kids and parents around here who complain their kid “can’t find a job,” are looking for some dream opportunity with big bucks and exciting work, and not willing to have them work at something they consider menial labor. Also, by the time many of them come home and start to look for the summer jobs, they’re already taken. Need to get on top of this like now!</p>
<p>I am less aggravated at the idea of him not finding a job than I am at him not actively and persistently seeking one.</p>
<p>In past years, he procrastinated and procrastinated about applying for anything, then not seeing any openings to his liking, took an intermittant job that provided about three weeks worth of work for the entire summer.</p>
<p>In the meantime, he has no work experience or references that will be useful when he is looking for jobs after graduation. And he has an inflated sense of what type of work befits his status in life. And he has a very poor work ethic.</p>
<p>I would be fine with him volunteering on a daily basis this summer, but that, too, would require an effort on his part to line something up.</p>
<p>al34…I beg to differ. I know students who willing to do pretty much ANYTHING to get money and couldn’t find steady work. One did lawns sporadically (only for vacations since most don’t want a kid that goes away during the fall). Another sold firecrackers at stands…but only for 3 weeks during the 4th of July window. </p>
<p>I like the volunteer work idea if nothing can be found. I also think clear rules around what you’re looking for (number of apps) would be helpful. And yes, turn off the money spigot!</p>
<p>“I would be fine with him volunteering on a daily basis this summer, but that, too, would require an effort on his part to line something up.”</p>
<p>I was a wannabe slug. My parents made it crystal clear that lying around their house all summer was not an option. I could work, take classes, or volunteer, but I had to be occupied. Maybe they would not have actually kicked me out if I’d refused to cooperate, but I believed them, and I found something to do.</p>
<p>It’s your call how many hours a week the minimum should be (30? 40?). Just make it clear that you mean business. You might even suggest some volunteer organizations that correspond to his interests – animal shelter, park district, whatever. My guess is he’ll drag his butt down there and fill out the volunteer form.</p>
<p>I agree with the above posters that a job may be hard to come by. I am a summer camp director and have seen this first hand. I started in this field 4 summers ago, and leading into my first summer, we were hiring right up to the first day of staff training. We were even giving “travel bonuses” to college students flying in from out-of-state. For the 2010 summer, we had 75 percent of our hiring done before Christmas and filled our last spot in early February. We had to turn down about 100 otherwise good college-aged applicants simply because we didn’t have enough spots. In the past we’ve also hired several local high school students for day camp staff, but this year we had an influx of teachers applying, several said to make extra money because of spouse lay-off or unemployment. It was difficult even for a motivated first or second year college student to compete for a spot with someone who has been teaching elementary school for a few years. </p>
<p>I like the suggestion above volunteer work. Even if it has nothing to do with his current field of interest, it could get him up and out in the mornings and possibly expose him to new people and interests.</p>
<p>Sassafrass, seems to me that you reap what you sow… my kids knew from the time they were in middle school that I would provide no spending money after the day the graduated from high school and no book money for college; they were on their own for those expenses. Also, that if they want to take an unpaid summer internship, they would be on their own for living expenses during that summer (although they could live at home, but I don’t provide a car…).</p>
<p>They were REQUIRED to find a job the summer after senior year of high school (even it was helping out at graduation parties for pay, putting out a flyer for yard work/dog walking/etc.). Something (anything) that paid. </p>
<p>That said, I agree with those above that you can’t just change the rules in the middle of the game, and kicking this kid to a homeless shelter or making him someone else’s problem (some other family) isn’t fair to them (it is partly your own past decisions that got him here, after all, not their family’s).</p>
<p>I’d cut off all spending money, stop paying his cell bill, and not cover any car expenses (his or yours) for the summer unless he gets a job and needs the car for that. Also, tell him no spending money at college next year from you (if you have been providing it). Oh, and does he work out at a gym? Take away the gym card unless he gets a job. Feed him, put a roof over his head, and hug him. But leave it to him to find his own gravy. If he is a hopeless slacker, he won’t… but he probably will get off his duff and try. And… I would clarify that message to him TODAY. Politely, but clearly. Don’t get dragged into an argument. Also, you need your spouse on board (maybe a whole nuther discussion…).</p>