Am I a spoiled brat?

College Life
1

<p>I just moved to a dorm (after living luxuriously in a nice house for my freshman year). I really didn't know what to expect from living among other people (I am very antisocial generally, not necessarily because I have poor people skills but probably because I just prefer to be alone and just have my space). </p>

<p>I just moved in a few days ago and I'm already very upset with my roommate..and because this is my first roommate and I have no idea what is "normal" and what I should expect, I haven't complained about any of these problems. This is because I don't know if what my roommate does is reasonable and ok, or if it really is obnoxious...so in short, I have no sense of scale and I'm looking for a little advice.</p>

<p>Basically, his girlfriend sleeps over every night, without any notice whatsoever. He never asked me even once; the second night, I just came home and his girlfriend was in bed with him (they were both clothed). I hadn't even been introduced, and I felt really awkward walking in. So she generally stays till morning and although no funny business goes on, I do feel awkward and I'm thinking...I got a double room, but this is feeling like a triple room!</p>

<p>Yesterday at night I come back to my room and they're making out (I think so anyway)...and when I come in they don't even stop, so I basically came in, got totally embarrased, and left the room waiting around outside for an hour. What kills me is his sense of entitlement in thinking that he can do whatever he wants with the room, and I feel that both him and his girlfriend are disrespecting me. There are residence hall rules where I study and although they are often overlooked/ignored, I could definitely get technical on him, BUT: </p>

<p>Obviously he is quite stricken with his girlfriend..meaning if I confront him about this problem there could be two issues:
a). Because he can't see his girlfriend as much anymore (with whome he is clearly obsessed)...he'll become really bitter towards me for complaining about it. As a result, this will make things between me and him even more awkward, or downright hostile. I do NOT want this at all!
b). Maybe my concerns are unfounded?...he's paying for half of the room too and maybe I'm being too uptight and this is no big deal? Like I said I am very new to dorms and had my own room at home so I was used to everything my way, so I have no idea if everything that is happening here is normal. If what behavior I've seen is something to expect, I think I can get used to it rather than whine about it.</p>

<p>So in short, he and his girlfriend are always spending the night and I am feeling very awkward and it is putting me in a strange situation. So please give me advice, am I too uptight and should I just relax...is this just college life? Or is his behavior unacceptable and I should risk making a mess of things and either confront him or complain to a supervisor?</p>

<p>Thanks everyone for your advice in advance...i'm really confused right now.</p>

2

<p>Just ask them if you can join. I’m sure it will make everyone happy.</p>

3

<p>Is she visiting or does she go to school there? Talk to him about it in a casual way. Let him know that you don’t have a problem with her “visiting” once in a while but you really don’t want this (sleepovers) to be become a steady thing in the room. This is an issue that comes up often with roommates so it’s best to communicate now about your concerns. There’s a good chance the two of you can work this out, but discuss it now (calmly) so it doesn’t start to **** you off so much that you’re ready to start throwing fists.</p>

4

<p>No you are not being weird at all. Completely reasonable and theyre not being respectful. I wouldn’t want to walk in that either unless they asked me to join in, and even then the girl has to be hot.</p>

5

<p>Just walk around naked; make everybody uncomfortable.</p>

6

<p>Thanks for the advice everyone, joining in isnt an option :stuck_out_tongue: Anyone with some advice; I would highly appreciate it.</p>

7

<p>He is taking advantage of your good nature.</p>

<p>Could you have a friend over and play techno music and techno dance with a streamer, like on the cell phone commercial? [YouTube</a> - AT&T Techno Twins Commercial](<a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUfONVpMn4Q]YouTube”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUfONVpMn4Q)
:slight_smile:
jk</p>

<p>Seriously, you need to talk calmly to him at a time when the girlfriend is not there. You paid for a double room and you should be able to live in a double, not a triple. IMHO, with rare exceptions, slumber parties should be reserved for nights when the roommate is out of town. It doesn’t matter if there is no “funny business” - you deserve some privacy.</p>

<p>(He should investigate getting a single room.)</p>

8

<p>Talk to him right now in a calm way. Tell him that it’s great that he has a girlfriend but let him know that you really don’t want her as your roommate too. Of course, try to be a little more tactful than I would probably be. </p>

<p>Good luck–let us know how the discussion goes.</p>

<p>try this: [How</a> to tell roomate his girlfriend is over too much? | Ask Metafilter](<a href=“http://ask.metafilter.com/72619/How-to-tell-roomate-his-girlfriend-is-over-too-much]How”>How to tell roomate his girlfriend is over too much? - roomates girlfriends apartment | Ask MetaFilter)</p>

9

<p>Maybe ask you could seek out an HA or Peer Mediator if you have anything like that? Sometimes having the support of a present outside party can give you confidence when you’re trying to have a confrontation.</p>

10

<p>Sounds like your roommate is being pretty polite, so I don’t see what the problem is.</p>

<p>The problem actually is you being anti-social. If you make friends with this girl, it will seem less awkward.</p>

11

<p>It’s always a tricky issue. I had a similar problem with one of my old rommates. Her boyfriend used to stop in every now and then and came over more often in the following weeks. We did intitally talk about not having guys sleeping over in the room and she’d make up excuses for him (ohhh he doesn’t want to walk all the way back to his dorm…). Eventually I got the RA involved.</p>

<p>She couldn’t control her situation and I used to get obnoxious in return (slamming doors in the morning and they’re sleeping). Eventually we worked towards moving out- she was going to move out until I found a friend who was in an open double and offered me space there.</p>

<p>Essentially, you kind of have to evaluate their relationship. I’m guessing you’re just a freshman so anything really goes. If he’s not going to respect the rules, he’s the one who is going have to move out. Period.</p>

12

<p>Can’t they sleep at her place sometimes? If it really is every night, you’re right to be annoyed. But if you haven’t said anything, your roommate can’t know that it bothers you. Bring it up politely, and if he’s reasonable about it things will change. If that doesn’t work, talking to the RA is worth a try.</p>

13

<p>If you’re a guy, I can’t see why seeing a girl make out would be that “distressing”. Obviously the couple is comfortable with you being there; otherwise they would have stopped when you walked in. So just don’t mind them, and carry on your own business. Think of his girlfriend as if she was a pet. She’s not paying attention to you, so you don’t need to pay attention to her. ;)</p>

14

<p>I see what you mean! You’re not being a spoiled brat! It’s your room too, you paid for it so you have every right to complain. I would talk to him first and he doesn’t listen start playing loud music and making as much noise as possible.</p>

15

<p>I’m sure it was awkward that you walked in on them making out, and yeah they should have acknowledged you, but the rest of the time I don’t see a problem. If they’re fully clothed and not doing anything raunchy, why shouldn’t they get to sleep in the same bed? I sleep in my boyfriend’s bed all the time. Granted, I’m also friends with his roommate so it is a slightly different situation, but still.</p>

<p>Just get to know the girl. She probably feels weird around you, too. And talk to your roommate about maybe texting you next time he’s fooling around with the gf so that you don’t walk in on it. Haha.</p>

16

<p>You have the following options:

  1. Try to get them to break up
  2. Accuse him of breaking the rules
  3. Get a girl and bring her to the room and makeout with her, while he is there.
  4. Talk to him
  5. Deal with it
  6. Talk to the RA about moving
  7. Tell him to take his business somewhere else, perhaps rent a hotel room
  8. Kill Him</p>

<p>I would not recommend number 8 because it might get you in a slight amount of trouble. 1 is good, but alittle to harsh.</p>

17

<p>To answer your basic question–no, you are not being unreasonable. Your roommate’s behavior is inconsiderate. It is always a good idea to try talking to him about it–being clear in your mind what result is acceptable to you. If he is not receptive there will be someone at your school who is in charge of resolving this with you. You can start with the RA, but there are professional adults in charge of housing who are used to dealing with these issues as well. Find them. They will probably attempt to resolve it, but, if they cannot, they probably have the ability to move you to another room. The one thing you should not do is attempt to just live with it and continue to be unhappy. That’s not fair to you. </p>

<p>I cannot imagine anyone wanting to live in this situation, even if you were all very close friends.</p>

18

<ol>
<li><p>no, you are not being unreasonable</p></li>
<li><p>there are a lot of passive-aggressive people on this board, apparently.</p></li>
</ol>

19

<p>I had a similar situation. I made it clear to my roommate that I wasn’t comfortable with the fact that her boyfriend sleeps over. Now, they go to his room some nights.</p>

<p>Try to get a bit more friendly with his gf even if with small conversation. I try to be somewhat friendly towards her boyfriend so now they (including him) try to be much more pleasant toward me. You have to say something about the fact that you don’t feel comfortable in the room then and you’d appreciate if they toned it down or she didn’t sleep over as much.</p>

20

<p>Dude, the gf/bf sleepover is just part of college. Just deal with it. Every night is a little excessive, but it isn’t gonna change unless you say something about it. So SAY something already. Don’t be passive agressive, just grow some balls, accept that sometimes things don’t always go your way, and say something to him. </p>

<p>“hey dude, i live here too, can you try to cut the sleepovers back to 2 nights a week”</p>

<p>It would help if you were more social with your roommate. People in college don’t care about the feelings of people who arent their friends. Sad, but true.</p>

<p>And next time you see the girl, and she’s awake, say hi. ask her where shes from and what her major is. make conversation. in fact, its college, do this with everyone you meet.</p>