<p>I recently transferred to nyu in January and am loving it...however</p>
<p>my roommate has a boyfriend (they are gay, I am a straight male), which is fine...I'm cool with homosexuals on most levels. My roommate is pretty nice person all things considered although we don't have much of a dialogue going for people living with each other.</p>
<p>However, his boyfriend is over a lot, too much I am starting to think. My roommate initially asked if his boyfriend could come over for the weekend at the beginning of the semester and I told him I was fine with it. But he is staying over more and more frequently and never asking if it is ok beforehand. currently he has been staying here for nearly a week and my roommate didnt even think of asking me if it was cool before he came. I feel like he is essentially another roommate at this point and I signed up for a double, not a tripple.</p>
<p>Luckily we have seperate rooms, however they have sex every night and they are very loud...again, i like to think of myself as a tolerant person, but i don't think I am too much in the wrong for being a bit creeped out. moreover, in order to get to our kitchen or get out of my dorm room, I have to go through their room and anytime I suspect they might be doing anything sexual I am pretty much confined to my room so I don't walk in on them.</p>
<p>Moreover, I study a lot and like to have relative quiet when doing so. Normally my roommate is very quite when his boyfriend isnt over. but when he is, they are a bit distracting.</p>
<p>So my questions are: has anybody had a similar experience? am I justified in being a little bit alienated by this situation, am I being taken advantage of? How should I approach them about the situation in a way that won't make it awkward everytime we see each other?</p>
<p>Hey, I go to NYU too and know how tiny those dorm rooms can be (although it depends where you’re living - if you’re a transfer you’re probably in Water St, which is nice).</p>
<p>You need to talk to your roommate, tell him that you signed up for a double, and it’s cool with you if he has his BF over sometimes, but that he can’t be a permanent guest…also mention the sex thing. maybe even consider switching rooms so you don’t have to walk through his. If you wanna study, well, I think dorms aren’t always the best place - go to the study lounge in your building, or head over to Bobst or Kimmel, where it’s usually quiet.</p>
<p>^^ molly posted exactly what I was going to suggest. If its possible for you and the roommate to switch rooms so you can come and go without feeling like an intruder, that seems like the simplest solution to your problem.</p>
<p>Why not make a compromise? Tell him that you enjoy being his roommate and you like his boyfriend, but sometimes all the noise make it hard for you to study. After all, that is the reason you are in college, to study and learn. That their wild sex keeps wakes you up, and you need more quiet time. That you aren’t asking them to stop having sex, but maybe do it quieter. Maybe they should hang out at his boyfriend’s place more often?</p>
<p>I used to hang out at my girlfriend’s dorm a lot to have sex, and her roommates never liked it. Looking back she should have come over to my place more often to give her roommate a break.</p>
<p>It’s not any different than if a straight roommate had his girlfriend over too often. If you’re polite about voicing your concerns, people usually respond in kind.</p>
<p>hmm, thanks, but i guess its mostly that hes just there and theyre always making noise, even when theyre not having sex…i guess thats what i find most objectionable…</p>
<p>and another problem which i should have mentioned: his boyfriend graduated college already and lives very far away. he is a theatre guy, so he is often in NY auditioning for parts for shows, meaning he has to stay here a lot. just now i overheard him on the phone saying he might be here for another week, nice to know i wasnt asked on this decision :/</p>
<p>LOL I think it’s beyond funny that you transferred to NYU and are having problems dealing with Gay Theatre people </p>
<p>Don’t let those drama dudes push you around - stand up for yourself! YOU are paying for your dorm, but this guy is living there for free. What’s next, he’ll eat all your food and borrow money when he feels like it? Tell your roomie that you’re fine with his boyfriend sleeping over occasionally but not like every single day. If you don’t wanna switch rooms, then don’t, but if you find yourself cornered in your 5-by-8 closet of a room unable to get out because they’re having sex…that’s gotta suck.</p>
<p>Does your building not have a Study lounge where you can go for quiet?</p>
<p>I had a roommate who had his girlfriend move in for the whole summer, and the rest of us were not happy. He didn’t even ask us beforehand. In this case, there wasn’t much choice (she was moving into the country so she really had nowhere else to go).</p>
<p>I think you can try to make it clear that visits are okay, but another person living in the room is not. Maybe try to set some limits?</p>
<p>thanks for the advice everybody! does anybody have any suggestions on how i should go about approaching them so I don’t come off as a prude and my interactions with them aren’t awkward afterwards? what do you think would be reasonable limits?</p>
<p>molly-</p>
<p>yea we have a lounge, but theyre in the room all day talking and singing (both are theatre people). id like to not have to go out of my room to have some quiet, i hate this situation.</p>
<p>It is actually against dorm policy for non-residents to stay for more than a certain number of days. Tell your roommmate you’re not down, if he still stays over then get the RA to make him leave.</p>
<p>that would make things very awkward between us…im sure he would be down though</p>
<p>but yea i just looked up dorm policy, apparently an overnight guest is only allowed for three consecutive nights and no more than 6 times total per month…hes exceeded that this week. ugh.</p>
<p>Definitely talk to your roommate before going to a RA. I think you should just say what you said here . . . That you don’t object to his boyfriend, but he’s staying over too much and the loud sex is disturbing your studying.</p>
<p>Don’t confront him about it, just tell your RA. If you confront your roomate, he might say no – forcing you to tell the RA. THEN when the RA gets involved, your roomate will know for sure you snitched since you brought it up already. You DON’T want to live with him then.</p>
<p>He’ll know you told if you go straight to the RA, I would talk to him first. If he doesn’t compromise, you need to check your housing contract on this/rule code, but I’m pretty sure roommates have veto power over who can be in their room period. He is really imposing on you, it isn’t your responsibility to deal with his bs. You need to lay down the law.</p>
<p>It makes me sick to even think of two guys doing it, but to have it right next door to the point I can actually hear it, absolutely terrible.
You should confront him, tell him you ain’t cool with it. I think its very disrespectful for a gay person to do something like that considering your a straight guy.</p>
<p>Are you kidding? How is this more “disrespectful” than a straight couple screaming “yes yes YES” next door? (Not that loud hetero sex next door can’t be inconsiderate . . . but loud gay sex isn’t any “worse.” It’s the same.) There aren’t gay cooties seeping out from under the door, the OP just needs less noise so he can study.</p>
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