Am I on the right track? Looking for an outline critique

College Essays
1

<p>Hello,
I started writing my college essay recently and was wondering if I was on the right track. I would appreciate it if some people commented on my general outline.
Well the prompt is:</p>

<p>“Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.”</p>

<p>Here is my outline:</p>

<li><p>My community brought me ambition
Live in the bay area, many startups, companies that innovated, created.
Helped me become ambitious, wanted to be like them, wanted to CREATE.</p></li>
<li><p>Multicultural → open
I have traveled a lot and am bicultural.
Makes me open to new people, ideas, willing to innovate, create something new. </p></li>
<li><p>“I know I can” → stubborn / never give up</p></li>
</ol>

<p>familly → mom always used to tell me to tell myself “I know i can”.</p>

<p>Basically I wanted to get those three elements to take it to a more general idea saying: I am an open, ambitious student that will work hard to fufill my dreams.</p>

<p>Thanks in advanced for all your replies!</p>

2

<p>I think that's a good outline. You mention the environment you grew up in, what you were exposed to, and then your own personality. It answers the prompt well.</p>

3

<p>Thanks for the comment, now it is time for me to actually write the essay!</p>

4

<p>I actually answered this prompt differently. Here's a short outline of mine:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Living in a family with no emotional bond, or cohesion. A specific incident changes this and I become a leader for my family.</p></li>
<li><p>Then I talk about how I've dealt with this specific incident and how it's helped me bring unity back into my family.</p></li>
<li><p>I finally addressed how my family's unity has led me to aspire in my dreams.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Kind of different, but then again, I think this prompt can be answered differently in many ways.</p>

5

<p>thats sounds like it could become cliche very quickly. be careful</p>