<p>I've had a homeschool-style arrangement throughout HS; for the most part I have learned to get along without nagging. A few hard experiences taught me to set personal deadlines long before the actual deadlines. So there I was, having finished my Caltech & MIT apps which weren't due till Jan 1, while I could barely figure out even a topic for my U. of Calif. essays: "One month to go AHHH!" I ultimately pressed the submit button more than two weeks ahead of the deadline (Nov 30?) just to get the app out of my life. I couldn't help but laugh when my friend told me, with just a few days left, that he'd only started his UC essays the night before.</p>
<p>A fresh new day. Nice to know that others are, or have been, in the same boat, though it sounds mean to say so.</p>
<p>Andi</p>
<p>I'll think about alternative cattle prods. I believe I'll actually relax after he gets out the next 3 because I have a sense he'll be going to one of them anyway. If he doesn't complete all 10 that's ok too; he can only go to one in the end.</p>
<p>mathmom</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about deferral. How is mathchild taking it?</p>
<p>He's doing all his apps online so I can't cut him off from that. If he had to do paper apps he'd probably skip college and become an internet surfer-bum.</p>
<p>DS still has two essays for honors departments to go, but both aren't due until February 1. Looks like some of Xmas will be spent writing/nagging. It really is a different experience, though, with "two in his pocket". He has been accepted to our big state U in the major of his choice - and so we both know that he has a good option already; the honors applications would just be an improvement. It makes our stress levels much lower. He's lagging on the "applying for scholarships" thing, though. I'm afraid that by the time he gets around to applying for them, the deadlines will have passed.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>VERY GOOD ADVICE. I'm a kid that's away in college now and I remember last holidays when my father and I broke out into a half hour of yelling at each other.</p>
<p>He kept nagging, looking over my shoulder, getting upset at the time, etc
when I was working on my apps. You have to understand that writing good essays takes time and it takes breaks from writing. There's alot of stress in getting that little paragraph just right.</p>
<p>So, mathmom and others might want to consider limiting the nagging. Instead, just tell him once a day that he has x days left that should be enough for anybody.</p>
<p>Bethievt, I'm so glad to hear it's not just my kid.</p>
<p>I swear, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I nagged S to do his apps, then I decided it's his problem, so I stopped. But since I started this cycle, he figures if I'm not nagging him then he must not need to do them! I've bugged him so much that everytime I walk into his room he tenses up and says, "I'll DO it!" when 1/2 the time that's not even what I came in to talk to him about.</p>
<p>Actually, 5 apps are submitted. The remaining one has one essay left to write, and he has done EVERYTHING under the sun to avoid writing it. Now he's under a time constraint (appt to turn all in to guidance on Tuesday) and he's got writer's block. </p>
<p>I'm glad our Guidance dept sets a 12/15 deadline to turn things in to them for all colleges with a 1/1 deadline. They do it so the secretary doesn't go insane, but it also gives a little leeway in case something goes wrong.</p>
<p>I agree with jasmom and foxdiel, but in a slightly different manner. Instead of nagging, say you'll do it together. My college applications were a family affair - my parents and I read the essay questions together and discussed possible topics until one clicked, then I went off to write while they made dinner. After dinner, we'd look over the essay and figure out what to change over dessert. My parents aren't very good with English, but they could still help with the content and suggest that I get one of my debate coaches to help me edit grammar.</p>
<p>A lot of the rest is just grunge work; filling in the same thing again and again. If your son's doing it on a laptop, have him bring it out into the kitchen and have some fruit/cookies/tea while he fills it out. Sit nearby and read the newspaper or pay your bills by him, so he sees you working also. Maybe talk about the stuff he's done and how you're proud of him and sure he'll get in - confidence boosts help with productivity.</p>
<p>Maybe also promise him a reward with each finished application. I think my family went out for dinner to celebrate after I mailed my last one (I'm from the times of paper applications). Carrot vs. stick and all that good stuff.</p>
<p>My S turned in all his applications on the last postmark dates, driving downtown to the last post office in the dark every time. The fellows in that Office got to look forward to his arrivals which were usually right after a phone call asking when they locked up.</p>
<p>I did start having trouble with suddenly not being able to focus my eyes in mid December..which magically disappeared as a symptom when the apps were in the mail. For those of you who don't want the apps in the house over winter holidays..maybe you should just allow that to happen--winter break can bring out final drafts of essays like magic. My S wrote much better final drafts with a tummy of hot cocoa and all exams over and lots of rest than he could on weekends with swim practice, recitals and college visits crammed in on top of trying to not let his grades slip. The Winter science fair and the Eagle project finished the night before his 18th birthday were the things that put me over the edge but it is OK to let the essays finalize over break. No one reads them till January and even then they don't read them first of that month either. Some of my son's teachers didn't even bother sending in references till January..I did feel sorry for our beleagured HS teachers who have to write references on THEIR winter breaks since they have no time in school for this extra job.<br>
hang in there, enjoy your children and avoid hysterical blindness and other stressors while "overseeing" the final paperwork getting in the mail. I finally agreed with our S that when he was taking a night off or a day off we would not make one reference to college apps.</p>
<p>I completeled all of my applications during school vacation last year. I had started some of them, I think, but I did the majority of the work duing break. My parents didn't bother me about it because I always worked at the last minute and completed whatever I had to do at the same level I would have had I started earlier. When my sister (two years older) was working on applications, on the other hand, my mother nagged and would make her sit down to work on them since she had no history of putting off work and usually liked having lots of time to get things done. If this behavior is unusual for him, you may want to encourage him to work more, but if he operates like this normally, then I'm sure he'll get the work done.</p>
<p>I think in some cases perfectionism may be at play here as well. We've given these kids the idea that their entire future rides on these applications. They feel like they have to be perfect and amazing, which is a daunting task - who wants to face that? </p>
<p>I also have to remember that I was a horrible procrastinator in high school - a trait which magically vanished in college. I suddenly developed a hatred for any work that was "hanging over me," so I did everything as soon as I reasonably could. People told me they couldn't believe I was such a hard worker - the truth was that I was LAZY. I hated knowing I had work to do - so I just got it over with so I could enjoy my free time.</p>
<p>As far as I can tell he did NOTHING on his apps today. Did do some homework and we wrapped gifts at Barnes & Noble as a benefit for his hs drama dept. He told me I'm more stressed out than he is (TRUE) but next week he'll have homework, dance class, a chorus concert, the Sacred Friday Night When No Work Must Be Done, and then a weekend with 2 parties. The next week will be full of more concerts and parties and then we're going to Wisconsin for the holidays and my step-father's computer is Not To Be Used By Anyone Else and then two apps will be past due and the rest will be due soon. I guess I've given up. What he doesn't get done, he won't get done. It doesn't feel good though.</p>
<p>I am mostly sorry about MIT because it means he has to do the Stanford essay this week. And then three more that will probable get procrastinated to New Years Eve.</p>
<p>oops double post</p>
<p>
[quote]
So, mathmom and others might want to consider limiting the nagging. Instead, just tell him once a day that he has x days left that should be enough for anybody.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>LOL. I'm not nagging all day. I occassionally poke my head in his room and he says "I consider myself nagged." I did tell him one short essay was probably not enough to aim for today.</p>
<p>mathmom</p>
<p>I feel your pain. It just seems like there's no time to get this done. At the same time, I feel like if my kid just sat down and started to write he could be done last month. But the way he <em>works</em>, interspersed with god-knows-what makes it seem impossible.</p>
<p>Have you considered that if your student really can't get their applications done without lots of structure and reminding from parents, then there's a chance that s/he isn't yet ready for college, where s/he will have to keep up to date with assignments without lots of reminders or structure?</p>
<p>Gently saying this as a mom who wish that I had backed off from my older S during the college app process, which would have meant that he probably would have not gotten around to finishing his applications on time during his senior year . This would have caused him to spend at least one gap year at home, giving him a much needed chance to mature more instead of doing what he did: going off to college and flunking out despite being one of the smartest students (by board scores) in his large freshman class.</p>
<p>The other possibility is that your student really can pull this through on his own, and you're needlessly stressing yourself out. I have always been a person who produces very well on deadline (which is why I did well in journalism). I do a lot of thinking before deadline, but most people can't look at me and tell that I'm thinking about what I'll write on deadlien.</p>
<p>mathmom,
My son was also deferred at MIT when he applied EA and then admitted in April. He ended up going to Stanford and had a great experience. I'm sure your son will end up at a great school, but it is a shame he has to write so many more essays!</p>
<p>northstarmom</p>
<p>I think you have hit it on the head. I think my son is ready for college, but maybe not for 10 colleges and I think he'll select as he goes along. He might need a year off, but I don't think so; I think he will get done what he needs to get done in the application process in the next few weeks. Yes, I'm stressing. I guess it says volumes about me that I need this support from cc, but I guess none of us would be here if we didn't need some support.</p>
<p>I think S would finish the apps on time without (much) nagging, but I also think he'd finish them at the last possible minute. Why not encourage him to finish a little early in case of unforeseen circumstances? For example, he has one paper one that's due on Dec 15 and was pretty annoyed that I made him finish it today. Sheesh. Only four more left though.</p>
<p>I'd just rather see him mature by screwing up something else rather than this. I don't nag him about anything else, which (among other things) resulted in him showing up for a college presentation at the Yale Club without a jacket and tie. He learned from that and was dressed appropriately for his Cornell interview at the University Club, so there you go.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Why not encourage him to finish a little early in case of unforeseen circumstances?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Our DSL line was down for several hours today. I can just imagine this happening when he's trying to upload applications!</p>
<p>
Oh, you have to first announce that you are no longer going to nag for the stopping to work. Since your son already has already submitted 5 apps, a cheery comment to the effect that you think five are plenty should get the message across.</p>