<p>"My S turned in all his applications on the last postmark dates, driving downtown to the last post office in the dark every time."</p>
<p>That sounds like how I was when I was working on my college essays.</p>
<p>Procrastination is definitely not a guy thing. I set a whole timeline during summer of what needed to be done when so that I wouldn't have to get stressed out rushing through my apps. Since I was applying to pharmacy programs, I had EA deadlines even though I still don't find out the results til March/April.</p>
<p>Anyway, I kept on pushing back my "I'm finally going to sit down and finish all my apps" day until the very last minute. I sent out 3 of my apps on the deadline and overnighted almost all of my supplemental materials. I'm just glad I had enough common sense to submit my requests for transcripts and recommendation letters early. Otherwise, I don't know what I would have done.</p>
<p>I'm FINALLY done and looking back, I ask myself why I put myself through all that. I still don't have the answer.</p>
<p>You make an important point about needing time to think about the essays and short answers. What looks to me like maddening distractions may be his way of letting his ideas gel. I have to tell myself that anything that is sufficiently important to him, he will manage to do. When I initially asked whether he was feeling unfocused and he said "No more than usual.", he was right. I remember he drove his 1st grade teacher nuts by reading 3 or 4 books concurrently. She didn't think he could possibly keep them all straight, but he did and he still works like that. So do I. I guess that's why it bothers me so much to watch it.</p>
<p>My S is like that & can handle it; my poor younger D tries to emulate him, but like most normal folks just can't. It's tough on all of us when we have one kid who honestly multi-tasks well & can push deadlines while the other is a "mere mortal."</p>
<p>I was just talking to one of my friends in the supermarket about this pulling teeth phase of the apps. Afterwards I wondered if they need to infuriate and frustrate us like this so we'll be less devastated to see them go-- the "at least I'm done with THAT struggle" mentality.</p>
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I think S would finish the apps on time without (much) nagging, but I also think he'd finish them at the last possible minute. Why not encourage him to finish a little early in case of unforeseen circumstances? For example, he has one paper one that's due on Dec 15 and was pretty annoyed that I made him finish it today. Sheesh.
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Because in some cases what makes you feel comfortable and produce good work (planning ahead and giving yourself time to deal with contigencies) may not be the style of the student applying and possibly even worse may produce a worse applciation. </p>
<p>At 47 it is still true my absolute best work comes out at the last minute under heavy time pressure ... an attempt to write an essay early may yield a polished essay with less errors; it also produces an essay without the energy, creativity, and passion I can bring to work ... but only if I work in the way that works best for me.</p>
<p>At this point last year, my oldest had completed exactly one application to her EA school. Even though it was one of those unpredictable reach schools, it was, at that point, pretty much the only school where she could picture herself. Well, around a year ago tomorrow, she was deferred. Oh, the horror! I don't want to make fun of her; she had really put her heart into attending this one school, and had worked super-diligently in high school and beyond super-diligently pretty much since birth in her much-loved EC, and given her GC's failure to deck her when she neglected to produce a bunch of other completed applications by her hs's deadline, she really thought she was going to get in. The good news is that despite the truly pyrotechnic adolescent angst, within the next 48 hours, she managed to complete, from start to finish, including idiocyncratic essays from scratch, her application to the school where she is now an ecstatic freshman, which was due early. (We rode the wave and forced her to get going on the other, um, ten -- At that point we were deeply influenced by the lessons of Andison's experiences! -- and they got finished over vacation.) Take heart, parents of procrastinators. If EA/ED does not work out as planned, a burst of adreniline may get your kids over the hump and make up for the lack of inspiration.</p>
<p>I've been getting into screaming fights with my parents about applications on a semi-regular basis. I've almost finished my art supplement; I have four essays-in-progress and ideas for more; I've handed in all the teacher and counselor forms; and I'm painfully aware of everything I still need to do. I'm stressed enough as it is, and my parents' nagging isn't helping. I don't know what you consider "nagging", but this is like "You HAVE to get this done RIGHT NOW; your ENTIRE FUTURE rides on this ONE THING!!!!" And all I really want is to sit quietly somewhere and write without people looking over my shoulder and starting arguments all the time, and no, I don't want to talk about it.</p>
<p>Sure, I procrastinate, but as a whole I'm pretty damn responsible. I'm not going to get much work done this week because it's the last before break and I have a couple of big assignments due, but I'll get it done. It's not a problem. Yelling at me until I'm practically in tears is totally counterproductive. I WORRY TOO MUCH AS IT IS; WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT WORSE????</p>
<p>Sorry about the rant, but have you ever considered that all the nagging might make your kids less likely to finish their apps, not more? It may very well be the case, especially if they're already prone to worrying. </p>
<p>(My parents aren't Asian, by the way; they're European, and I don't know why they're so concerned about this when they haven't been involved in anything else about my life ever.)</p>
<p>"At 47 it is still true my absolute best work comes out at the last minute under heavy time pressure ... an attempt to write an essay early may yield a polished essay with less errors; it also produces an essay without the energy, creativity, and passion I can bring to work ... but only if I work in the way that works best for me."</p>
<p>I'm in my 50s, and this is true for me, too, and I have the successful grant application, fellowships, jobs and college/graduate admissions results, and writing awards to prove it.</p>
<p>My idea of nagging my kid is a polite little, "Since you don't have much homework tonight, would this be a good time to work on college apps?" I tried that yesterday and DS said, "Tomorrow would be better." and spent the next 5 hours (not non-stop, it just seemed like it) surfing around on the internet before starting his homework. I kept my mouth shut except to remind him that he wouldn't be able to do much or anything over vacation week (we'll be out of town with relatives). Turns out he thought he still had 2 more weekends at home before we went away, rather than the 1 he really has We'll see when he gets home this afternoon whether or not he's ready to "get the lead out". If he's not, I'm not pushing it (though I'll feel like it!) . Sorry your parents are being so hard on you.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, too many parents live vicariously through their kids and feel that if their kid gets into an Ivy etc. that they, the parents, have achieved this or if their child doesn't get into (or even want to apply to) a specific school, that they, the parents, have failed. I'm certainly trying not to be like this. I'm just not sure S is looking ahead enough to consider the possibility of a sudden illness or power outage that could derail a last minute app. I just talked to one of my friends today--the ED rejections are coming in and some kids are feeling shaken up and unprepared for the RD round.</p>
<p>Northstarmom</p>
<p>Good point about working better under pressure. I asked S about it and he said it was true for him too. And he's shown he can whip out a great essay when he needs to.</p>
<p>I won't at all mind if he decides to shorten his list, for whatever reason. He certainly doesn't need to complete 10 apps for my benefit. I even think the process of writing the supplements and answering questions like, "Why xyz College?" or, "What interests you about the honor code?" might help a kid further clarify what he really does or doesn't want in a school. I.E., if you can't answer the question of why a school is right for you, maybe it isn't.</p>
<p>Next day update</p>
<p>S put so much time into a creative writing assignment, he had no time for college apps last night. That didn't bother me at all; it's just when he appears to be doing nothing that I get anxious.</p>
<p>"At 47 it is still true my absolute best work comes out at the last minute under heavy time pressure ... an attempt to write an essay early may yield a polished essay with less errors; it also produces an essay without the energy, creativity, and passion I can bring to work ... but only if I work in the way that works best for me."</p>
<p>Yessirree. It doesn't matter if I'm given a two month suspense to finish a manuscript, it STILL doesn't get done until the day it's due. I need the pressure to succeed. My hubby is the same way, and we both find ourselves pulling all-nighters (even at age 49) to get a lecture ready or book chapter finished. We both swore we'd teach our daughter the merits of early preparation. Didn't work...too well, anyway. She's successful, and I always think it's a good idea not to mess with success! </p>
<p>BTW, I was just as uptight for her college apps last year as those who post on CC, too. I cursed under my breath, gnashed my teeth, and sweated out the deadlines (behind a closed door, not to her) and several apps went Fed Ex...she's attending her first choice school. And if she hadn't gotten in, another school would have become her first choice. It's best to let these kids take the lead AND live with their decisions.</p>
<p>Agree quiltguru. Bethie, take heart. Two app seasons in a row, two very different dd's, most apps filed in the last days, the very last apps filed at the nth hour as the list was honed by "do I want to go to this school enough to write this stupid essay". Oddly enough they are both attending the schools which were the last apps filed, and probably spent the least amount of time on, only deciding to apply after they figured out how to recycle earlier writings (amazing what the younger one learned from watching big sis :-)....)</p>
<p>Just goes to show: all the grey hairs I sprouted, words I wasted, threats I pondered during the process were both useless and unnecessary...they'll do what they want when they want and if it is important to them, they'll find a way to do it well in the time they have. Smile, take a deep breath and relax. This too shall pass.</p>
<p>DS just sent in App # 10. He did a beautiful job on each one. If he had rushed through them all before the holidays, he could not possibly have focused on each and showed them the love he did. Thanks to everyone who told me to back off!</p>
<p>Now we enter the cone of silence. Good luck to everyone!</p>
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Afterwards I wondered if they need to infuriate and frustrate us like this so we'll be less devastated to see them go-- the "at least I'm done with THAT struggle" mentality.
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</p>
<p>I thought that was what the 60 hours of supervised practice driving that our state requires before a kid can get a driver's license is for. After that ordeal, you can't wait to get rid of them.</p>
<p>As for applications (and everything else, really), I'm the sort who thinks "What if the power goes out?" "What if you get sick?" "What if the car breaks down?" I'm always early to everything and I always finish things several days before the deadline for just this sort of reason. My kids think I'm insane. They're probably right.</p>
<p>I would've been sweating bullet: glad that all's well that ends well! I've actually found that DD does better in the long run if I back off and make her bear the responsibility, including, occassionally, messing up, turning in something sloppy or late, etc. But I would never be able to keep my mouth shut as the app deadline approached. Congrats to you and DS and good luck with the "cone of silence"!</p>
<p>He still has a major creative writing project to finish tonight. He decided to record it on CD. It's been so fun listening to him doing performance art into the computer. If we hadn't had a major winter storm with threats of power outages blaring at us for days, I might have been more relaxed. These things can shut down everything! But he's on the elliptical machine watching Seinfeld. That's good too.</p>
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As for applications (and everything else, really), I'm the sort who thinks "What if the power goes out?" "What if you get sick?" "What if the car breaks down?" I'm always early to everything and I always finish things several days before the deadline for just this sort of reason. My kids think I'm insane. They're probably right.
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</p>
<p>You're not insane at all. You're just extremely sensible. (And needless to say, I'm exactly the same way. ;))</p>
<p>I thought I'd resurrect this for parents going through the admissions process. CC parents and students were very helpful to me at this point in my life--just a year ago. Thanks guys--and go easy on your kids. My son had plenty of choices and is very happy at his college.</p>
<p>I second bethie's post! I suffered last year, as well. My D raised procrastination to an art form!! I didn't think we'd survive application season. In the end, she finished her apps & was accepted to some excellent schools. Because she has changed her mind about what she wants to do in life, she is in the process of applying for a fall transfer. But the cool thing is ... she has grown up between last year & this year. She no longer procrastinates, and she handles things on her own. She asks me for my opinion, but she takes care of everything herself. </p>
<p>So, parents ... you'll all get through this ... honest! And a year from now you, too, may be marveling at how mature your child has become.</p>
<p>I echo.... Last Sept DS wrote an essay that had some potential but needed a LOT of work. He then ignored it for about 6 weeks, making me NUTS... after 6 weeks, one random day he re-opened the essay, completely re-directed it, and turned it into a WONDERFUL essay, in under 2 hours. I don't know if he was mulling it over for 6 weeks or just procrastinating. In the end, the applications were done by 12/15, he was accepted to 5 of 6 schools (waitlisted at the 6th) and is now at a college that he LOVES.</p>
<p>DD is a hs sophomore. She played on a varsity team with a lot of seniors this fall, and every time I saw the seniors I got a sense of RELIEF that I wasn't dealing with college stuff this year, and DREAD that it's coming down the pike again in a couple years!</p>
<p>If I have one message it would be "Trust your kid." It might not be always right but I feel my cyber-buddies here helped me to trust my kid--and he came through. If he hadn't--maybe he would have needed a gap year. And "Trust your kid" would still have been the message.</p>