An Essay Attempt........Please Grade...

<p>I took everyone's advise from the last times.......combined with some tips from Grammatix...and I tried to make this essay as best as possible....I have proofread it to make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes........I especially worked on choosing examples that are RELEVANT.......since that seemed to be a MAJOR weakness last time.....Hope that worked out fine.......</p>

<p>Topic: Is there a value in celebrating certain individuals as heroes?</p>

<p>Essay........</p>

<p>Since the common person rarely executes them, a hero’s actions are different in a preferential way. Thus, heroes are usually widely acclaimed. There is great value in celebrating heroes for their great achievements. Though critics may argue that these celebrations are worthless, the fact is that these celebrations are very beneficial to us. This is exemplified in my adventures at Metuchen Youth Camp.</p>

<pre><code>Heroes can teach us how to be selfless. During my camping days, we had a Scavenger Hunt, in which we competed to be the first one to discover all the items on a given list. While we were running towards the forest, where most of the items were located, I noticed that Peter tripped and started rolling downhill towards the river. My first instinct was to let him keep rolling, so that he would be eliminated from my path. Then, I remembered Harriet Tubman. Via the utilization of the Underground Railroad, she had successfully escaped slavery. Even though she could’ve happily lived her life, she risked her life to free all the other fellow slaves. After remembering this selfless act of service, I immediately changed course, ran towards Peter, and successfully saved him from drowning. If I had not remembered Harriet Tubman, Peter would’ve drowned, since he didn’t know how to swim.

By adopting a hero as a role model, we can learn how to chase our goals and achieve them, despite of how arduous they may seem. While I was saving Peter, Lewis, the fastest runner at the camp, had raced by. Knowing that he was sharp at detecting hidden items, I immediately thought that I was going to lose this hunt. While at the verge of giving up, I remembered Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Despite the hindrances placed in his path, Dr. King continued to make goal-oriented efforts towards freedom. These strides made him successful. By analyzing the surrounding environment, I found a shorter path, which was covered by many thorny bushes. I ran as fast as I could, despite the irritation caused by the thorns, focusing solely on getting ahead of Lewis. My goal-oriented strides, combined with a never-give-up attitude, helped me get ahead of Lewis, and look at the hidden treasure spots before he could. Dr. King taught me that consistent effort leads to success.

The power of reasoning is yet another heroic quality. Towards the end of the hunt, the only thing I hadn’t found was the buried pot of coins, despite having searched for hours. It seemed that no amount of reasoning could help solve this. However, I soon figured out that everything has a reason behind it, considering that Isaac Newton found a reason behind something as simple as an apple falling on his head. His reasoning led to the discovery of gravity: One of the greatest scientific discoveries of all time. Soon, I noticed that while there were leaves lying on other parts of the trail, there was a particular sector where it seemed as someone had raked all the leaves. This particular sector was surrounded by tall trees, and it seemed as if the trail led to the middle of nowhere. Obviously, this spotlighted sector was important. I started digging at the end of this trail. As expected, I uncovered the hidden coins.
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<p>Selflessness, perseverance, and reasoning ability can all be obtained via learning from the heroes who have been praised. Bringing these heroic deeds out into the open can be beneficial for us. Heroes can serve as excellent role models of ideal behavior.</p>

<p>Also, would an essay that uses all personal examples, like the one I posted, be good for a 6…</p>

<p>According to Grammatix, it should…however, I still have my doubts…If someone could confirm this, that would be GREAT!!!</p>

<p>Thanks…</p>

<p>It’s nicely organized. It’s much clearer than your last one.</p>

<p>I know I’ve heard they don’t look so much at content; moreso organization, etc.</p>

<p>However–you were going to let a friend die until you remembered Harriet Tubman? I’m assuming this is all made up? No offense–I realize you are admirably showing vulnerability by putting your efforts on the internet and asking for criticism. I just hope a thought of Harriet Tubman was not the only thing that kept you from letting someone drown???</p>

<p>lol…no it wasn’t…it is all made up…I am not a cruel person…actually most say I’m pretty nice…especially when it comes to helping others…I will do whatever is in my power…Actually, I’m the Lieutenant Governor of Key Club International …a community service club…and I have done many fundraising and hands-on projects for the poor, needy, etc…</p>

<p>I am not even the slightest bit cruel…in my opinion…</p>

<p>Sorry about the example…I didn’t look at it that way…I guess I was more focused on other parts of the essay…I will try to stay away from something like that in the future…</p>

<p>Also, what grade would you give the essay…If you could let me know about that, then that would be great…Thanks…</p>

<p>I’m not against making things up re: personal examples (my son did that in a few of his practice essays…although I’m a huge believer in truth telling, I didn’t think it mattered much in an essay where the purpose was to evaluate writing style/organization). </p>

<p>But the ‘almost let someone die but for the Harriet Tubman memory’ just jumped out at me as extreme (& it might for another reader/grader)</p>

<p>Glad to hear that wasn’t the case! :-)</p>

<p>11 or 12 .</p>

<p>its looks pretty good to me.
11 or 12.</p>