<p>I would be SO irritated with the friend’s mom! I’ve had those situations and they reek (girl literally clinging to D during an ice-skating show, what a fail). But it does sound as if this is a friendship between two fairly independent kids-- and in that case it could work. When I think more about it (my first reaction was horror), I realize that my D has friends like this, who are very different from her – and they make a great team because of that and they might indeed make good college roommates-- supportive, almost a relief from the other world.</p>
<p>@historymom: I have to agree with you in theory and probably in actuality when it comes right down to it. In my heart of hearts I know that it would be a better experience for both girls if they branched out and lived with different roommates. I’m still going to try and convince my daughter and her friend of this, even if they rebel. 
Thanks for the congrats, by the way! </p>
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<p>historymom wrote:</p>
<p>It is generally a terrible idea for all of the reasons these wise people have indicated.</p>
<p>If your D and the friend each have a different “stranger” roommate they will continue to have one another as a safe place to land. In addition being in different rooms/halls will give them each new social contacts and widen their circle of friends.</p>
<p>Bottom line if the rooming situation doesn’t work out with the stranger roommate there is no loss. If it doesn’t work out with the best friend as a roommate she looses the friend. There is no need to take the chance. Congrats on the SLO acceptance by the way</p>
<p>I am. I am a great believer in not enabling our kids. I feel that it’s not doing this girl any favor by encouraging her to room with my daughter instead of stepping out of her comfort zone. In fact, this school hadn’t even been on her daughter’s radar until she was surprisingly accepted. And since it’s almost 100% that my D will attend, the mother is ecstatic that she won’t have to go away to college “on her own”. Now she’ll have my daughter for “support”. </p>
<p>The original plan was for this gal to attend a less-reputable school with two other classmates and share an apt. off-campus (even though finances are iffy with *all *of them). They want to experience “city life” and, unfortunately, not as interested in the academics the school offers. So I know the mother is secretly hoping her D will attend the college my daughter will be going to. It’s as if that is an answer to her prayers and “all will be fine now”. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Well, I’m just going to trust that my daughter will utilize the assertiveness training that her no-nonsense, non-enabling mama has instilled into for the past 17½ years. ;)</p>
<p>**Gwen Fairfax wrote:</p>
<p>I would be SO irritated with the friend’s mom!**</p>
<p>I know of situations where it has worked out just fine.</p>
<p>On the other hand, there are advantages to not rooming together.</p>
<p>My daughter and a close high school friend ended up at the same college. They lived in different dorms as freshmen. As it happened, my daughter did not meet compatible people on her freshman dorm floor; her friend did. My daughter’s friend often included her in social activities along with her new dorm mates. Eventually, my daughter became sort of an “adopted” member of the other girl’s floor and made several good friends there.</p>
<p>It could just as easily have happened the other way around. Her friend might have been incompatible with her neighbors and ended up spending a lot of time in my daughter’s dorm.</p>
<p>Much of freshman social life revolves around people you meet in the dorm – plus, in many cases, a few extra people who are friends with one or more of the residents and get pulled into the group. Much of freshman happiness or unhappiness depends on how well a student fits in to the casual social life of the dorms. If two close friends live in different dorms or on different floors, they double their chances of finding a group of compatible neighbors.</p>
<p>I think the whole “you shouldn’t room with a friend” thing is a myth. I was a resident assistant in college and in my experience, people who roomed with high school friends were no more or less likely to have meltdowns with roommates than people who roomed with strangers. It mostly depends on your daughter and her best friend’s personalities, idiosyncracies and pet peeves. Some people can be great friends and great roommates; others are great friends but terrible roommates because their ideas about living, cleanliness, and personal respect for space are wildly different.</p>
<p>Also remember that most upperclassmen end up living with someone they already know and no one makes any bones about that. It’s only the freshman with which it’s perceived to be a problem. If the girls work out their differences and similarities ahead of time - say in a roommate contract, or at least a candid conversation about what’s expected of the relationship.</p>
<p>So what if it’s two less people they’ll meet? Who’s to say they won’t branch out and meet those people anyway by getting involved in activities? One danger is the whole ‘package deal’ thing, but that can happen with two stranger roommates who become fast friends, too. There’s no rule stating that everything has to be brand new and jarring in college, and sometimes the familiarity of a close friend as a roommate can ease the transition. My main concern is that your daughter seems to want a stranger roommate and her friend doesn’t, which could cause contention. Your daughter should do what she wants and not allow her friend to pressure her into a situatuon she doesn’t want.</p>
<p>I know a lot of friend pairs who were completely fine (including a set of twins who roomed together all four years at my college). Actually most of the people I knew who had roommate problems had them with the stranger roommates that they were paired with. My sophomores, juniors, and seniors rarely had roommate issues even though most of them picked a friend as a roommate.</p>
<p>I’m not sure about the boy/girl thing because I went to a women’s college, although I don’t see any reason why it would be true beyond personal anecdotes.</p>
<p>Thank you for your insight, juillet. It helps to hear an RA’s point of view and first hand observation.</p>
<p>As for my daughter preferring to room with a ‘stranger’, she just always figured this is how it would be, whether she attended college closer to home or across the country. She didn’t count on her good friend being accepted and going to the same school. So, I imagine that even though she still would have no problems rooming with a random girl, the prospect of having her best bud as a dorm mate makes sense to her. Not sure if there’s some persuasion on her friend’s part or not. I tend to think there is to a certain extent. Her friend, on the other hand, seems to feel less secure about rooming with a ‘stranger’, period. It’s never been her intention of being paired or tripled up with someone she didn’t know, regardless of where she attends school. I’m not sure how she plans on dealing with it if none of it pans out in the end. But, that’s her problem. Again, my daughter is fine with it either way. I just hope that she’s comfortable with whatever arrangement she ends up with. I know it won’t be perfect, no matter what. I’m going to ask her to make a pros and cons list and see if that changes anything.</p>
<p>juillet said:</p>
<p>I think the whole “you shouldn’t room with a friend” thing is a myth. I was a resident assistant in college and in my experience, people who roomed with high school friends were no more or less likely to have meltdowns with roommates than people who roomed with strangers. It mostly depends on your daughter and her best friend’s personalities, idiosyncracies and pet peeves. Some people can be great friends and great roommates; others are great friends but terrible roommates because their ideas about living, cleanliness, and personal respect for space are wildly different.</p>
<p>Also remember that most upperclassmen end up living with someone they already know and no one makes any bones about that. It’s only the freshman with which it’s perceived to be a problem. If the girls work out their differences and similarities ahead of time - say in a roommate contract, or at least a candid conversation about what’s expected of the relationship.</p>
<p>So what if it’s two less people they’ll meet? Who’s to say they won’t branch out and meet those people anyway by getting involved in activities? One danger is the whole ‘package deal’ thing, but that can happen with two stranger roommates who become fast friends, too. There’s no rule stating that everything has to be brand new and jarring in college, and sometimes the familiarity of a close friend as a roommate can ease the transition. My main concern is that your daughter seems to want a stranger roommate and her friend doesn’t, which could cause contention. Your daughter should do what she wants and not allow her friend to pressure her into a situatuon she doesn’t want.
I know a lot of friend pairs who were completely fine (including a set of twins who roomed together all four years at my college). Actually most of the people I knew who had roommate problems had them with the stranger roommates that they were paired with. My sophomores, juniors, and seniors rarely had roommate issues even though most of them picked a friend as a roommate.</p>
<p>I’m not sure about the boy/girl thing because I went to a women’s college, although I don’t see any reason why it would be true beyond personal anecdotes</p>
<p>Lafalum84~~ If you start the thread, I’ll post! I think the boyfriend-thing is going to be the *bigger *challenge. :/</p>
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**Lafalum84 wrote:</p>
<p>^^ I’ll join that “boyfriend far away” thread with you.**</p>