Anybody else just putting the kid on a plane

Parents Forum
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<p>for move-in day, not going along, and feeling slightly guilty about it? It seems weird to not go but I am not worried about how he will do. He already has a group of friends he met at orientation and they are heading to the beach the next day.</p>

<p>We have been to a campus visit and the orientation with him at USC. Plane tickets to LA are a cost item and we want to go visit in the spring when he is settled in and catch a basketball game.</p>

<p>Seems weird but perhaps that is normal as well.</p>

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<p>The only reason that justifies parents coming along is usually the extra baggage allowed so your college freshman would be able to take more stuff to school. It might be more difficult as your child can't be able to have an easy time purchasing forgotten items as the modes of transportation would be limited to perhaps the school bookstore.</p>

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<p>When I went away to college across the country, my parents did not come along for the same reasons you cite. It was perfectly fine. The u sent a van to pick me up at the airport, and my dorm resident assistant and roommate's parents took me under their wing and made sure I was taken care of.</p>

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<p>Oh, we don't even get to put her on a plane. We had to come back to work in Germany, so we left our D at her sister's in CO and she'll be making her own way to PA in a week and a half. She's travelled on her own many times and I'm not worried about her, but I hate to completely miss out on this stage of her life.</p>

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<p>In 1977 my mom took me to the Grayhound station, put me on a bus & off I went 1700 miles away. Alone. Me and one suitcase (complete with manual typewriter!). I was nervous, but in the long run it was fine.</p>

<p>I had zero intention of taking D to NYC as she headed to her new transfer school. We'd done the freshman moving thing together, and I even went back 6 weeks later for parents weekend, and that was fine. Alas, my best friend berated me for not planning on going. So I said I would ask Ds opinion. She's moving into a shared apartment with a family. Ds reaction, "it would be great if you would come, then I can show you around!" Bah. I'm going. Of course now that it's 2 weeks away I'm excited to spend that time with her.</p>

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<p>We are going, but I have sent both my Ds away on long away camp experiences, not the same, but life stages as it were</p>

<p>one D was gone for 7 weeks, put her on the plane to england</p>

<p>I have my H walk her in because I cry and get anxious as I want to be sure all the reservations are okay, etc, feeling responsible for her</p>

<p>I feel a bit guilty not going for family weeked, but am sending sister, a JR in HS for the weekend, I think its is important they have that time....</p>

<p>sigh</p>

<p>don't feel guilty, we are flying because we got reasonable flights and place to stay, and to schlep her clothes...</p>

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<p>drizzit, two years ago I drove my son to SFO, watched as he checked in his luggage, hugged him very tightly, and waved him into his future on the opposite coast. There was no need for any of us to fly out with him just to tuck in his sheets (which we couldn't do anyway, as he lived in a temp dorm for a week as is the practice at his school). And your son already has plans the day after check-in, so you'd be extra wheels anyway.</p>

<p>Go in the fall or spring for Parents Weekend or some other event. Save the travel dollars now, and pack-and-send a couple boxes via UPS or DHL if his things won't fit within airline luggage limits.</p>

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<p>I'm putting them both on a plane and the older one is taking the younger one up to orientation the following day. Basically he'll drop the kit into the room and make sure the younger one connects with the orientation staff--and take off. No 'decorating' or that other nonsense.</p>

<p>I went cross country to university by myself. My parents were so furious that I went against their school schoice they tried to stop me from going by making me find my own ride across country. They never expected I would find a ride with the son of one of the most successful architects in the country, haha. (I'd never met him before a friend intorduced us a week ahead of orientation). Then my parents fretted that I would spend twelve hours in a car with a man I didn't know! Pshaw! I loved the freedom of that experience.</p>

<p>I've given that gift to both sons. The oldest one loved that gift. I don't feel the tiniest bit guilty--and you shouldn't either.</p>

<p>We'll go in November and check it out and take a couple of groups out to dinner.</p>

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<p>drizzit,
as a parent who helped move her son into USC last year, let me give you a VERY STRONG recommendation- Have him move in THE DAY BEFORE move in day! It only costs $50 more and he will avoid the INCREDIBLE WAIT that comes with 6000 students and their parent all trying to move boxes, luggage, etc into elevators, dorms etc all day long. All he has to do is send an email to the housing office requesting permission to move in a day early, and give them some reason- airline ticket already bought, you are unable to be there on move in day, etc etc.. We moved our son in 1 day early last year [the idea came from a poster here on CC] , and it made the transition so easy for him! On actual move-in day, he was able check out the campus more and to do various errands that have to be done that day[ books, etc].</p>

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<p>S flew alone last year. We didn't want to pay for another plane ticket.
I wondered if he'd feel like an orphan during orientation since most freshmen has parents there. It was fine. Really. I've never been to his school and don't intend go there until graduation (I hope!) in 2010.</p>

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<p>I think it's fine to have freshman move in by themselves but I wouldn't miss it if I could help/afford it. My daughter moved herself in but it would have been easier with us. We were able to move my son in and it was easier for him. It's a step in their lives that I was glad to be a part of. The majority of kids at my son's college had their parents there.</p>

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<p>I think it could be a very difficult challenge for a freshman trying to do it at my daughter's college.</p>

<p>The alphabet has been divided into thirds, and each group has only a three-hour window in which they are allowed to move in to the dorms. A kid arriving alone would have to time the flights and airport-to-campus transportation very carefully to avoid being stranded somewhere or missing the allotted move-in time slot, unless he can find a motel willing to rent a room to a person his age for the night before move-in day.</p>

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<p>My parents are just sending me off on a plane to Chicago for school and I'm terribly nervous about finding my way around.</p>

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<p>Was he given a move-in window of time or the entire day? That might make a difference.</p>

<p>I'm going to tell you some consoling things, but also be realistic so you can problem-solve a bit (consoling things first):</p>

<p>The ONLY reason my H and I are flying cross-country next week is because we and our S have never set foot on the campus or visited California. Months ago, plane reservations were available that made it affordable, but not closer to travel date. So don't feel badly. You're obviously doing a great thing to send a kid across the country to school; that's the most important choice.</p>

<p>If you're planning to visit during the academic year, you'll have a lot of joy seeing him in place. He'll be able to show you around proudly. You'll be able to take him out to a meal and he'll be glad to get off-campus with you, rather than competing with his excitement in meeting roommates, many of whom seem itchy to ditch their parents and get on with the rest of Orientation week without them/us. </p>

<p>My only advice (since I was sent to college by plane solo and had no parents around for orientation) is this: encourage him to attend every session the college gives, and pay close attention. It's easier to hear about how to use the library now than at the first term paper. Be sure that he understands that if the college calls a "mandatory" residence hall meeting in the first day or two, that's a command performance and he must go. Stuff like that. The
point is that he get oriented. The Parents stuff is tacked on at the beginning and has grown like topsy in recent years to help parents feel great about the college and to engineer a clean departure hug. </p>

<p>When I had to drop myself off at college back-in-the-day, I recall doing a poor job of unpacking and I was still not well-organized in my room until Thanksgiving. There was always a rush-about to go do something official for orientation, or make new friends; but I scrimped on set-up time. Encourage him to allow some time during the week before classes, just a block of hours, to finish the task and not live out of a suitcase for weeks or months, as I did. </p>

<p>Some colleges run a shuttle to a mall during the ORientation week, and he might take that to pick up a lot of the things parents are talking about on these forums.
You can't take all that detergent/shampoo/etc. solo and meet the weigh-in requirements of the airplane, anyway.</p>

<p>Could you both possibly agree to be packed and ready for the flight a solid 24 hours ahead (suitcases packed at the door)? Then, your last day, you can both do something NICE together for a sentimental farewell. </p>

<p>With 2 kids closer to home, we found the moving in a lot of stress and work, but we greatly enjoyed seeing them later in the school-year, when all was set up and they felt proud of their new life. That you're thinking of going later on for a ballgame is exactly what to focus on now. You can also be a much calmer help in the pack-out from home if you're not also trying to get yourself out-of-town.</p>

<p>EDIT: For all these pharmaceuticals/over-the-counter medicines as everyone's discussing, you can write him a LIST now. Email it to him so he doesn't lose the List! He'll get to the store himself but have a better idea what to choose.</p>

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<p>Good thing about USC is they do have the whole day to move in. He has also visited campus before, with us, for orientation and is all registered and he has his book list already. I am not concerned other than the feeling I am missing something not that he needs me there lol.</p>

<p>I do agree move in days are crowded but we all had to deal with that.</p>

<p>We are driving his twin brother to his school in Oregon about two weeks later and will be moving him in a day earlier than the main crowd. We will also be catching a football game the Saturday before the Sunday move in.</p>

<p>So I guess I get both experiences :)</p>

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<p>
[quote]
My parents are just sending me off on a plane to Chicago for school and I'm terribly nervous about finding my way around.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>KindlyCuddly, you sound like you could use some advice on this, but we are the wrong people to ask.</p>

<p>Have you tried asking about this on your own college's sub-forum here on College Confidential? Or how about on Facebook -- have you joined a group from your college, and are there upperclassmen in that group? You may also want to look at the college's orientation Web site and the materials that have been sent to you in the mail. They may have some specific suggestions about transportation from the airport to your college.</p>

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<p>^^Yay, Marian.</p>

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<p>We are doing both - putting the kid on a plane AND flying back there. Skier-kid leaves a week before us to do a bonding-backpacking trip with other freshman. He'll be in the dorms for a few days before the offical move-in date. Skier-dad and I will fly back for orientation and to "help" him move in. DS wasn't too excited about us coming, but I told him "never under-estimate the value of a parent with a rental car and a credit card when you're moving in somewhere".</p>

<p>This is very likely the only trip we will take to school until graduation. Skier-dad has never seen the school. We want a visual of our kid at the next stage of his life. We want to meet the roommates and to be perfectly honest, I want to see New England in the fall. Oh yeah, we're bringing the bike.</p>

<p>This trip is not too much about helping the kid move in, it's more about helping the parents let go. In the context of 4 years of LAC tuition - 2 plane tickets cross country are a drop in the bucket.</p>

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<p>As freshman, mine move in with a minimum of crud. Their clothes, old bedclothes, their laptops and a couple of UPS boxes with toiletries/school supplies and they are good to go. They don't need a 'move-in' time or a UHaul or move-in help. </p>

<p>They can find their way to Best Buy and Target. If they couldn't--I wouldn't let them bop around the globe.</p>

<p>I agree, the move-in is for the parents. I have a friend who took a decollage course so that she could make a mirror for her son's cinder block dorm room. Crikey.</p>

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<p>Two years ago I did the fly back with D in spades. Took her to NYC beforehand to buy a black cashmere winter coat, stayed in a luxury hotel, rented a Cadillac to drive her down. Spent a night there. Went to all parent thingies. As it turned out I was also negotiating a loan at the time which meant I drove to some nearby oddly named township in the pouring rain to sign papers. Uggh. I drove D to purchase stuff. I took her to dinner. I said goodbye to her, at which point she told me, "Mom, there aren't going to be any big emotions here." Easy for her to say.</p>

<p>She and I bickered most of the time, low level, but bickering. </p>

<p>I really would have been better off not going. My desire to have a special moment with her, or to show off what a good mom I was more likely, backfired. </p>

<p>Now, this summer, my D had an internship at my company in Shanghai. I came over for the annual meeting. Wound up sharing a bed with her in the company apartment. That was the bonding experience. Not planned for. And, lo and behold, even my supremely confident 20-year old still needed her mom a little bit in the face of 9 weeks of corporate life in Shanghai...</p>

<p>So. My recommendation? Put him on the plane, give him a smooch, maybe some money to take a limo to school instead of the bus. Use the $$$ for the ticket saved for HIM to take himself and friends to dinner. Visit later. Because, guess what. Come parents weekend that first year I didn't go back. And she wanted me too....</p>

<p>Parenting is full of ironies and surprising things and if he doesn't voice a need for you and you want to go later, do it. Now of course he may still wish you had come but since there's no predicting I vote for going with your wishes not your guilt:).</p>