Hello everyone, I am writing an appeal to letter to UC Irvine and was hoping I can get some feedback please 
Thanks!
Upon receiving the Admissions Decision letter on March 24, 2015 it was clear that I must reiterate my candidacy for the 2015 freshman class at the University of California Irvine. This appeal letter holds more meaning than belonging to a precious university. UC Irvine will enable access to opportunities in the medical fields so I may continue my goal of medical education in the field of Pediatrics. I am confident this campus will further my education by learning in one of the two free-standing children’s hospital, UC Irvine-CHOC.
The difficulty of writing this letter entailed creating a short but concise image that, exemplifies who I am, verses just well written words on a paper. My concurrent G.P.A. is 3.71. During my freshman year I earned the ranking of Varsity Team Captain for our golf team. I was also chosen to be one of the twenty Ambassadors for our Health Academy. That year numerous students dropped the program leaving their duties unfulfilled. I picked up many of their responsibilities in which I successfully organized field trips, mentor activities, and awards night. Junior year, I was invited back to the Ambassador program not only to help run the academy but to also train the future Ambassadors. To date I’m still in the Health Academy and National Honor Society. Being in Health Academy, I now intern at Kaiser Permanent specifically in the Transportation Department as well as Patient Care. Outside of my schooling I continued and concurrently maintain employment with Starbucks. Besides Academics, I have also been highly active in the community. I have been a lifelong member of my church and for the past four years, I have taken on many positions including Youth Leader Associate, Sabbath School Director, and currently I hold the title as Youth Leader for our children and young adults youth activities.
Being the youngest and only sibling at home forced me to take a parental role with the caretaking of my father. Unfortunately he struggles managing his bipolar disorder as he refuses to take medication. My mother is the financial provider at this time; the responsibility of caring for my father was placed upon my shoulders as she worked three jobs. Although my mother was working numerous back-breaking hours, it was not enough for her to support my education. My job placed a great amount of stress on me, as we needed to prep for the holiday rush. Therefore these factors may have hinged upon my application as being noteworthy as compared to some of my peers.
Educational opportunities are endless. However, it is the commitment and drive, which I possess, that makes me confident I will meet my desired goal to partake in the UC Irvine educational experience. Frank A Clark was once quoted saying, “If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” This process has reignited my determination to be part of UC Irvine. Thank you for your time and reconsideration in regards to my appeal letter. If you have any further questions or points of discussion please contact me at (123)-123-1234 or by email at 0183019384@gmail.com.