Asking for help with essay scoring

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>My son did well on the psat but I am worried about the essay on the SAT
Any help scoring the essay below would give me guidance on how much
work he needs</p>

<p>Prompt</p>

<p>Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made us all feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that were supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better.</p>

<p>Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue.</p>

<p>Essay</p>

<pre><code> Our lives are constantly shaped by the ever-changing force of technology. We are constantly advancing and gaining the ability to do things which were unimaginable just a few years ago. Despite the benefits and simplifications our lives have undergone, our lives are not necisarily better because of these changes.

The epitomy of a life that is oversimplified by technology is chronicled by Ray Bradbury in his novel Fahrenheit 451. In this novel the protaganist’s wife, Mildred, lives a life of luxury. She is immersed in her TV parlor, she can listen to news on her portable “sea shell” radio, and even her missteps with medicine are fixed by a blood-cleaning machine. All this simplification does not make Mildred’s life better, instead it dammages her relationships with other humans: her friendships revolve around watching “the family” on TV, and her relationship with her husband Montag is strained because of her obsession with “the family”. These damaged relationships and luxurious lifestyle leave Mildred depressed and suicidal, hardly what one would call an improved life.

Our own personal lives have also undergone a drastic simplification due to the ubiquity of information on the internet. The sprawling nature of the internet and the simplicity of “googling” something makes finding information much easier than it was than in the days of libraries and encyclopedias, but it also makes this information more redily censored. The Chinese censorship of the internet and the DCMA’s fight against copyright infringement are two examples of how easily this information can be controlled.

Both Mildred’s depressed and suicidal life and the ease of internet censorship are the result of over simplification of people’s lives.
</code></pre>

2

<p>This is a 7 simply because it’s too short and could be seen as off-topic. Padded up, or elaborated on, it would easily be at least a 10, if not an 11 or 12. On the SAT essay, quantity always counts than quality. You’d be shocked if I were to show you some essays that received 10s and 11s simply because students memorized 3-4 examples that I myself culled from Wikipedia, just narrated exactly what they had memorized, and then somehow loosely tied the examples into the prompt in one sentence at the end without even knowing whether the example fit or not. You must also avoid creating or using your own words such as "oversimplification’ to redefine what you perceive the question to mean. In other words, if the prompt mentions “changes” and “technologies”, restate those words either directly or with synonyms throughout the essay and make sure you use clear transitional sentences that address the prompt and tie the examples back in…make sure the essay is about 350-400 words…I can obviously see that your son is a good writer but the biggest mistake that many smart students make is getting too fancy and writing an essay like they would in Lit class…You gotta structure the essay so that it is very easy to follow and so that it clearly without a single shred of doubt answers the question. Mind you, they are grading the essay in 1 minute.</p>

3

<p>Thank you for your help. My sons big big problem is that he is a slow writer and he has a problem “playing the game”. I don’t think he will ever get to 350 words, best case probably 300</p>