<p>This sounds like my dd–except her grades weren’t nearly so good due to her consistent refusal to turn things in.</p>
<p>In the spring of last year (her senior year), after some scary conversations I had her evaluated for depression and ADD. She’s been on an ADD medication since and it seems to have helped enormously. I’m not saying that’s your dd’s problem, but ADD is sneaky in girls because so often they are not hyperactive and can slide along…</p>
<p>Ohhh, I thought you were talking about the algebra that math majors take. That was dumb. You know, to a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Still. if she had precalc, isn’t she past alg2/trig already? Why does she have to take any math? Can’t she take a placement exam to get out of it, or does everyone have to take some kind of math?</p>
<p>My sister faced similar with her daughter.</p>
<p>She had her daughter drop the one class that was literally putting her over the edge, since the class was not required. (OP–maybe your daughter could take the class over the summer before college instead? and you will know to get a tutor in advance, or maybe she will just do better because she will be able to concentrate on the one class).</p>
<p>She then took my niece on an “application retreat” at a nice spa. (groupon deal).</p>
<p>A treat and a change of scenery for both of them. A couple hours/day of spa therapies, and a couple of hours/day of getting those applications done.</p>
<p>Are you pretty sure she’s going to be admitted or is there some usual uncertainty?
I advocate that kids get some help with apps- but a wise second opinion, not a stand-in. Not a parent guessing and filling out most of the app. And, if YOU set the meeting with the prof, I hope SHE is the one who will attend that.</p>
<p>I agree many kids wake up in college. But, rather than depression, if a parent has done everything but the essay, it could also be that she feels she really doesn’t have to step up to this plate. Wrong message. </p>
<p>I don’t mean this to sound hard- it’s just that sometimes we set patterns where we get in their way- and then we get upset when they expect us to stay there. I don’t know if a parent’s best choice is always to continue to step in. I’d have a sit down, away from the usual distractions. No pressure, just some very focused matter-of-fact chat about her need to engage with the apps. Or, she won’t have an app for adcoms to consider.</p>
<p>And, IF she has met the colleges’ math expectations, I’d advocate she drop the DE, “to focus on your real priorities.” Best wishes. They grow in fits and spurts, at this stage.</p>
<p>The Algebra class is considered “remedial” by a lot of schools, meaning she has had this material before and should not be floundering. I agree with blossom on dropping out of that now if possible. </p>
<p>As far as the applications, if she is overwhelmed maybe you can set weekly goals or target dates to get things done step by step.</p>
<p>^ I had a chart, with each schools’ date targets for various things. Posted where D1 would see it, daily. I let the chart be a bit of a surrogate, for me. Ie, it wasn’t me, nagging. It was reality. My own tasks re finaid apps were on there, too, so she could see we all had work to accomplish. We try to help them- face it, it’s daunting and they’ve never done anything of this magnitude before. But they do have to engage, if they want a shot at the results.</p>
<p>{{{{ }}}s to you OP. Reread Blossom’s post #18.</p>
<p>Also, perhaps her friends are not yet psyched in the app process, so she maybe on her pace and not yours. It will work out in the end.</p>
<p>Personally - my opinion is the opposite of most. I don’t thing college applications is the time to suddenly tell your teenager to take over her own stuff. This comes gradually over the four years of college - not now. But that’s just my opinion. And yes I helped my daughter get hers all in on time. And no, I’m not doing the same for her grad school aps or anything else any more.</p>
<p>My prior post presumed that it is too late to drop the class, which may not be correct. I completely agree with others that she should drop it if that is still possible.</p>
<p>If you can not drop it and she does end up with a low grade, I would just not disclose it to other colleges. As long as the high school does not add it to her high school transcript, I do not think anyone will know. </p>
<p>That one college could check, but when the student is coming directly from high school, I would be surprised if the do.</p>
<p>Yup, yup… reread blossom’s excellent post. While junior year is the most difficult, senior year is the most stressful. The kids are in leadership positions – in that they are the oldest and most experienced in the high school. Everyone is asking them where they are going to colleges, many of working for gas money or to save for college, they are leaders on their sports teams. The college thing still feels “unreal” and face it these fall deadlines are early, early. The process seems to stretch out endlessly in front of them. Give her a hub. Stop micro-managing and talking about majors and re-read blossom’s excellent post about alone time. For me with all boys, it involved taking them to a restaurant and feeding them while we talked and then simply getting out of their way with an occasional text reminder if there was a deadline coming up.</p>
<p>I agree with Blossom. </p>
<p>Drop the college course. It is unnecessary now and your kiddo will have plenty of time to take college courses…when she is in COLLEGE. No need to do that now.</p>
<p>You are at wits end because you are choosing to be at wits end. If you are doing the bulk of the college application completion, then you are doing too much of this. Your kiddo shouldn’t just be completing the essays…she should be completing the applications. You can offer to proofread before she hits the “send” button.</p>
<p>This is a good time to let her manage this. Simply put, you wont be able to do it all for her next year. Time to stop is now.</p>
<p>She should drop the class if she still can so it doesn’t affect her transcript.</p>
<p>OP. Please understand that you are not the first to experience this and kids come out the other end if the rabbit hole just fine. By October my D had senioritis pretty bad. I agree with one of the posters about how stressful senior year is on students. </p>
<p>In the end they all find a college and a path through life. It is hard to watch sometimes though.</p>
<p>I can’t say it better than Blossom’s excellent post. The key is to just stop. Let your daughter do her own college applications. Post a giant calendar with all the deadlines and pay the application fees and other incidental costs. Otherwise, stand back.</p>
<p>I will warn you that failure (to complete the applications) is an option. This actually happened to a friend. Her oldest son, a very nice, amiable, capable person but as a senior not at all enthused about the college thing. So he didn’t apply. Then his friends went away and he very quickly realized he wanted a future. He got a part time job and applied to colleges. The following fall, he was a freshman. The key here, was his parents allowed him to “fail”.They weren’t happy at the time but they realized he had to do the applying, not them.</p>
<p>Drop the math class if possible. You don’t want an F on final transcript or part of GPA for your daughter.</p>
<p>Don’t just leave it up to your kid. She SHOULD do more for herself but don’t let this final hurdle keep her from a good college career. Sounds like she’s been working up to this point. Sometimes the kid just doesn’t “get it” that the finish line has to be crossed. This is not the time for the classic “I told you so” moment. Lots of opportunity for that still to come. Lots of opportunities…but not now if you can avoid it.</p>
<p>OP - Your D sounds a lot like mine last year. She was more concerned about her grades the first semester but wasn’t nearly as concerned once she had her college acceptances in hand. </p>
<p>I really think my D was just overwhelmed with school, being involved in too many activities (she didn’t want to miss out on anything her last year in HS), working to earn money for college, and hanging out with her friends and BF (she knew she wasn’t going to be seeing them much in the future). On top of that, she had all the college apps, scholarships, and a bunch of AP tests. She bumped right up to the deadline on a lot of her college and scholarship apps and applied to the college she’s currently attending on a whim at the last minute. </p>
<p>If your D really wants to attend college, I think she’ll get things done in time and bring up her grade in the math class (if she isn’t able to drop it). She could end up not having first pick for housing if she doesn’t get going soon but, unless she completely misses out on getting a dorm because she’s too late, she’ll just have to live with not having her first dorm choice–it’s not the end of the world.</p>
<p>BTW, my D spent the few hours a week she had to herself in her room on the computer (and appeared to be wasting time). She told me she had to decompress and just do mindless things because of all the stress she was under. Although it bugged me knowing she had plenty to do that was very important, I knew she really did need to chill out for a little while. I let her room become a pit, did most of the very few chores she had to do around the house, and did what I could to not nag her. We both survived and you and your D will too.</p>
<p>I’m with Blossom too. There was a longtime poster here who had two sons. She helped the older one with all the college applications and he flunked out. When younger son couldn’t seem to get it in gear to apply on time, she stepped away. He didn’t get it together ended up doing a year of Americorps (got that application in on time!) and went to college the following year where he did very well. Sometimes a gap year is just what a kid needs.</p>
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<p>blossom said it better than I could have. You need to hand her the ownership of this process, in a way that’s not angry even though you clearly are. </p>
<p>If you take this approach, and really mean it, and really follow through by staying out of her hair, then she may surprise you. Right now everything she’s doing, she’s doing for you. Once you’re not requiring it of her, she’s going to be forced to decide if she really wants to do it for herself. If she does, then she will.</p>
<p>Have her drop the class. It serves no real purpose and as you say, may affect her college applications.</p>
<p>I don’t think the issue of giving her ownership should be quite so black and white. Yes, it needs to be clear that this is HER process, but senior year is very stressful and often support IS needed, even for kids who later don’t need any parental support.</p>
<p>My son wanted to go but was avoiding, and I was making appointments for visits which he would passively go on, sometimes with a tinge of resistance. He was a top student and enthusiastic person, so it really, in retrospect, came down to an emotional block about actually leaving home and friends.</p>
<p>Anyway, one day I just said, you know, it’s fine if you don’t go next year. You can work and apply when you really want to go. I said this in a friendly manner, and I meant it constructively. He also knows me and knows that I would, indeed, be fine with that.</p>
<p>I went out for a while and came back and he had researched schools and made a color coded chart for visits!</p>
<p>At that point, I did not abandon him or refuse to talk to him about his essay, his choices, or make him visit on his own. I mean, the need for emotional support was there no matter who “owned” the process. I didn’t hover. To use a corny image that may be helpful,. I was the tree, and he was the squirrel. I was just there.</p>
<p>One other thing to add: it does sound like your daughter could have ADHD inattentive, or some executive functioning issues. My own daughter was diagnosed after high school. If you have been helping your daughter a lot, you may unconsciously be sensing this and trying to help her compensate.</p>
<p>There is a book out entitled “The Myth of Laziness,” which you might like. Some seniors have, as I mentioned, some emotional blocks to moving on with applications; some are busy with their high school lives and don’t want it to end. But it is also true that many students finally get diagnosed with ADHD or learning disability at this point, particularly bright kids who have managed to hide it or have parents who have “helped” a lot along the way. The prospect of being on one’s own with these barriers to functioning can be really scary, so the emotional resistance would be even stronger for a kid with undiagnosed issues.</p>
<p>Sounds so much like one of my kids. I never had to help with getting through routine HS stuff, but senior year was a mess. He actually turned in his first choice school ap 2 hours past the deadline (his high school counselor had to call the next day). </p>
<p>He also signed up for college math classes…turned out to be a disaster because it interfered with his ability to play school sports. His counselor again called the dream school…they said drop the math classes, they aren’t necessary for admission!</p>
<p>Procrastination, missing deadlines, we saw it all. There were times I could have cried (I think I actually did) because he was so difficult that year. It was hard to know when to step in and when to back off. It did all work out in the end and he did get into his dream school (without the college math classes). In retrospect, I wish I had worried less and focused instead on enjoying our last year together. </p>
<p>(((((Hugs)))))</p>