<p>Last year when my daughter had it narrowed down to the final three, the approach we took was not to even discuss anything until she had attended the final admitted students day. The last of these was on April 23rd (seemed like she was cutting it close but she had a week left). Coming home from that last one, I told her to she had 2-3 days to pick - since she now had all of the information she needed to make a decision. She decided against the higher-ranked very competitive school (which had been her dream school) and made what has turned out to be the perfect choice.</p>
<p>Time to compile a matrix to compare schools, considering a broad number of issues from location to cost to programs to “feel”, and compel her to sit down and fill it out. Don’t forget alumni network, if she plans to return to hometown after graduation. Don’t forget that many kids don’t return to their hometown (or city) after graduation, and stay near their urban campus’ city. Nearly all my originally out-of-state friends went to college here (not necessarily grad school) and never went back “home”, even decades later.</p>
<p>Personally, I think final college choice decision is too important to simply “leave it up to them” without careful consideration of all issues.</p>
<p>I always pointed out in a completely factual manner anything that I thought my daughter should consider. She could then either give it weight or not, but at least I would know that she knew. For example, she was considering (and really loved) a very small school. I had gone through the course catalog for grins and giggles and I pointed out to her that the array of courses in a particular field of interest was smaller than I suspected she would like. She hadn’t thought of that and eventually looked at the catalog herself and decided it was a dealbreaker. It’s simply something she never would have thought of and that, IMO, would have been a huge negative over the four years, so I brought it to her attention and let her do with it whatever she chose.</p>
<p>This is their first major decision as an adult. After they make it, they will own it, and work that much harder to reaffirm that the decision was a good one. Very empowering.</p>
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<p>Looking at the list of schools the OP’s daughter got accepted to, I think we can all guess which one the OP has decided is “the best.” So we’re not talking here about an applicant who’s fixated on this or that school for some silly reason . . . but a parent who’s so obsessed with name recognition, rank, and prestige that she’s utterly and completely unable to consider all the factors that might be taken into account in making this decision.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the OP’s daughter has grown “emotionally attached” to six of the schools on her list. Good for her!!! That she was able to narrow her list down that much speaks to ability to evaluate these schools in a way that makes sense to her.</p>
<p>The OP has influenced this process enough already. She doesn’t need to sit down and have a “talk” with her daughter . . . she needs to get out of the way and let her very bright, capable daughter figure this out for herself.</p>
<p>OP, your daughter has made it this far. Give her the gift of trusting her to make it the rest of the way on her own.</p>
<p>A few years back when we attended one accepted students event, a parent asked about the waitlist. The admissions rep said that they don’t even look at the list until some time in May because more than 50% of enrollment deposits are not received until the last week in April. Give her some time to work it through letting her know that you’e there to bounce her thoughts off, if needed.</p>
<p>Remember this: if you push your kid to go to the school you prefer, and not the one she prefers, anything and everything that goes wrong there will be YOUR fault. At least in her eyes.</p>
<p>For pre-meds in the pre-med forum. There are 4 or 5 stickies over there that should be read in addition to this:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1484178-if-you-high-school-please-read-before-posting.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1484178-if-you-high-school-please-read-before-posting.html</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1122176-bluedevilmikes-ten-step-guide-picking-premed-school.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1122176-bluedevilmikes-ten-step-guide-picking-premed-school.html</a></p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>OP: You say you know which school YOU prefer, if all things are equal. Well, are all things equal? Has your daughter received signifcant merit scholarships or other perks at any of these schools that make it a clear cut financial choice? What do her FA packages look like? Is there one school where she would be able to graduate with significantly less debt? We all know how expensive med school is. Graduating UG without significant debt would certainly help her to better afford med school. These are all things that she must carefully consider, and given the quality of the schools where she’s been offered admission, I’d venture a guess to say that she is already considering them. Give your very bright daughter a chance to mull things over without wondering if she will be disappointing you by chosing the school that’s not YOUR number one. And re-read Hunt’s advice again two posts above…it really is true. Good luck. I’m sure your daughter will make the best decsion for HER and thrive at her school.</p>
<p>Just wait a while. She’ll come to her senses soon. :D</p>
<p>“Remember this: if you push your kid to go to the school you prefer, and not the one she prefers, anything and everything that goes wrong there will be YOUR fault. At least in her eyes.”</p>
<p>THIS. Assuming the finances work out at all 6 she is considering, let it go. I speak from experience when I say that forcing a young adult into what YOU consider to be the “right” or “best” path is a good way to alienate or even permanently change your relationship with them. Unless they are making a decision that will be a danger to them, step away.</p>
<p>Leave the door open to conversation, but let it be HER decision if indeed “all else is equal”.</p>
<p>Both of my sons got into various universities. In each case, I immediately crossed out a few of them because of cost. Luckily they each had some who offered great grants/scholarships and so they were able to visit and make up their minds after that. Ultimately it was their choice after Mom and I had our initial input.</p>
<p>Yes, we did what Tripletime did. We provided a “short-list” based on price and geography and then let them decide which one.</p>
<p>If your daughter got accepted to 13 schools (and I assumed to applied to more), the list is already too large. You should have provided guidance sooner on a reasonable list based on cost/location/major…etc. Have you/her visited all of the schools she is serious about? On-site visits could quickly narrow the list. College is where you spend the next 4 yrs, so it really isn’t an ‘all’ or ‘nothing’ type decision.</p>
<p>Congratulations OP. That is a fantastic list of acceptances.
Be sure to let us know what you decide.</p>
<p>What makes this decision difficult is that it is extraordinary to have this kind of choice. By choosing one, she is turning down all the others. I would imagine this would be a combination of elation and grief over the “roads not traveled”.
I think parents have a say in the part of the decision that affects them directly- after all, they are paying for it like costs and transportation. I think we should be able to have input and then let the student also own the part that will affect them: academic interests, climate, student life.
It’s been a long year and it’s nice to have it all decided, but, if all things are considered equal, she might need more time to sort things out and make peace with her decision.</p>
<p>Unless finances are an important consideration, there isn’t a school on her list that would be a bad choice. </p>
<p>I think you have absolutely nothing to worry about.</p>
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Did you look at the list? It includes numerous highly selective schools. She had a very good result, but kids aiming for these kinds of schools may need to apply to more of them in order to increase the chances of getting into just one of them.</p>
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@Blueiguana, that is what I am afraid of. I will like it to her decision because I will sleep better (thousands of miles) knowing that she chose to go there.</p>
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<p>@Creekland, She does not have a top choice but 6. I am picking mine because it has one of the best neurobiology/neuroscience program ( something she wants to study because she has interest in it not because she wants to do premed)
She is also a premed student and this school has a good premed acceptance rate (arguably point as this depends on the student’s ability) and a good school (not exclusive).
Location is very good, weather is cold (her desire), Access to international airport, cost is okay with us, student body is very academic (her desire and type of person) , Tons of research opportunities (also in some of her other choices). Size is good and student body is not an issue.</p>
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<p>@theGFG,
I will suggest that to her.</p>
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<p>@ClassicRockerdad,
I wish we could visit but we live overseas and the cost is a lot for us, at least $5,000 to $6000 for two of us.</p>
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@Sally305.
Ouch!
Sometimes, bribery works for me to get things done when reasoning with a teenager and FYI, out of her 14 schools, I only asked for one to be included in her application list.
I just want to know which school I will be wearing its T-shirt this summer! Like I said, she got into super schools and we are blessed with awesome choices, I will proudly wear any that wins.
Trust me, I have done the helicopter mom test and I am not one.</p>
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<p>@blueiguana
DH, has his pick but will not get into the decision process. mmmmmh I was hoping that her brother will help but she told me she is thinking about his input. He only gave her his input on why she should drop 3 of the schools on her list but didn’t say anything about picking a particular school. </p>
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@Jym626, she added back WUSTL, JHU and Brown (Brown has always been her dream school until all these acceptances happened) lol</p>
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@dodgersmom,
Ouch!
ROFL!!!Which school on her list does not come with prestige? Please, enlighten me. I would be a very proud parent of any of the schools on my daughter’s list.
You believe that I have not taken into consideration all factors that are important to my child’s well being and my family’s peculiar situation. haha! </p>
<p>@katwkittens, Thank you so much for posting the link to bluedevil’s post. I have been searching for that post to share it with my daughter but didn’t remember where I read it. I will send her the link if that will not be pressurizing. LOL</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1482242-help-locate-thread.htm[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1482242-help-locate-thread.htm</a></p>
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@Time2
She applied to 14 school in the states and 2 in Canada
She was wait-listed in 2(no rejections) and have not heard from one-rolling admission (not that we are waiting).
I learnt that college admissions was getting more competitive last year when her brother applied. I would rather pay the application fees and have her get into a few of those schools as well as a range of COA within our budget than to feel sorry for not applying to more schools. We really never dreamed of this situation happening but I am glad that it is this way and not the other.
The cost of attendance for her is $0 to less than $20,000 and we are okay with it.</p>
<p>I wish I knew… except S is down to 2 schools and I honestly don’t think I could make a decision between them either! He’s comparing apples to oranges (2 very different college experiences) and I can see positives and negatives to both. I honestly think he almost WISHES we would decide for him. And to make it worse, $$$ is about the same at both. So I just told him to take money out of the decision (they are just a few thousand apart per year, not really enough to be a deciding factor)… guess he’s going to have to just start picking petals off a daisy. ;)</p>