Atmosphere at Boarding Schools? (SPS/Exeter/Andover)

Prep School Admissions
1

I was just wondering how the general ‘atmosphere’ is like at these boarding schools. I’ve heard stories about kids going to Exeter/Andover/SPS and then returning back home, way too stressed and suffering. I’ve also heard that SPS has a snobby air around it (as well as a drug problem?), and other stereotypes about schools.

Please don’t attack me; I’m just making observations over what I’ve read. The purpose of this discussion for me was to learn more about how it is actually like going to these schools, and what the atmosphere is like. If anyone currently going to these schools, have been at one of the schools above, or have a daughter/son attending these schools, please feel free to weigh in about how the school is like. Any responses welcome! :slight_smile:

2

Where have you read about drug problems ? Phillips Academy at Andover had a significant & highly publicized drug problem several years ago. Day students were bringing them in. And another top school ran a drug smuggling ring from one of its dorms bringing drugs in from Central & South America, but not St. Paul’s.

In the 1970s St. Paul’s was associated with some pot smoking.

If you label SPS as snobby, then you either have not visited or you are misinformed. It does, however, have a lot of wealthy students, but it would not be evident to one simply from visiting. Historically SPS was known to be the school for sons & daughters of very wealthy families across the globe, but now approximately 40% receive financial aid to attend.

3

Andover has some of the brightest most hardworking students whom I have ever been around. But it is also a pressure cooker school with lots of concern for the mental health & well being of the students.

Exeter is a demanding atmosphere.

All three schools are made up of highly intelligent, self motivated students. None of the schools would be appropriate for those lacking in self discipline & motivation.

4

I read your 12/23/17 thread “chance me for Exeter/Andover/SPS”. You claim to have been told that if an applicant scores less than a 90% overall on the SSAT that the application is thrown away.

Not true. In fact, SPS lists their average SSAT score as 89.

5

If you want to read about various elite boarding school scandals, then subscribe to Vanity Fair magazine.

6

I do think that you should be aware that several students at all three schools do experience stress from the academic pressure.

Andover, Exeter & St. Paul’s are not for everyone. I think that one reason that Brown University is such a popular college choice for many SPS students is to get a break from intense academic pressure.

7

@randomfloridian: I, as a parent, often debate as to whether Exeter, Andover, St. Paul’s & Groton are more helpful or hurtful to these brilliant hardworking young adults. If you have any doubts, and if you are accepted, then consider your options carefully.

8

If you are a parent of one of these kids you should proceed carefully. Many/most of the most academic schools in the US are filled with children who are stressed. This includes public, private, prep, BS and magnets. There are numerous factors why this is the case. The question really becomes what is the best path for you or your child? What are your goals? Why are you doing it? What do you hope to gain? What do you stand to lose?
Nothing is without cost. Nothing worth having is without hard work.
If the student really has a love of learning at their core, they need to be amongst others like themselves. Which school is a choice. Some have great public or magnet schools nearby. Others do not or believe in the premise of a community which is found at BS.
For our family, decisions get made by collecting the data and then combing it before making a decision. We recognize that life is hyper-competitive for HS students. Our thing is to figure out the best path for our kids. Not the easiest path. Just the best path given all the factors. If acceptances at a top BS are available they are just one more choice. More choices better decisions. Like life, things seem to fall into place once you think about it.
Agree with another poster, student needs to be self motivated in many respects just to do fine. So, it’s not for the faint of heart. But being able to study in an intellectual environment at 14 years old is awesome. For some kids. A nightmare for others.

9

@Publisher Yes, you are right to assume that I’ve never visited SPS before (I would love to, but I don’t have time currently). I am sorry if I offended you with my assumptions-I am only repeating something that I read on a forum here, and if I was misinformed, well, now I know. Thanks for the stat about the number of students who receive FA. As a student who will definitely require FA (I come from a family that is middle class, definitely not rich), I just wanted to address my worries. The people at SPS that I’ve talked to all seem very humble and friendly, so I was a bit surprised about the rumors of ‘snobbiness’ at SPS, but the rumors just kept on nagging at me, so I wanted to clear some facts up.

I will definitely take into consideration whether or not I should go to boarding school if I am accepted at all. It’s a huge decision that I won’t take lightly. Once again, thanks for taking out the time to respond to my post, and thank you for the stats/advice.

10

@Happytimes2001 “Nothing is without cost. Nothing worth having is without hard work.” Wow, that’s a really insightful quote that I’d like to steal, if you don’t mind? :wink:

All jokes aside, you’re absolutely correct. Boarding school would be a huge sacrifice for me (leaving family behind, leaving friends behind, etc.), but it comes with many benefits (furthering my education, mainly). If I get accepted, I’ll have to weigh out the choices very carefully. In the end, I just want a better future for myself. If boarding school is the path I have to take to gain that, so be it. Thanks for the warning. I’ll heed it.

11

@randomfloridian you are 100% correct: drug and alcohol use is quite rampany at all of these schools but to be clear it is no different than at any other high school. Remember these are still just teenagers. Yes many are bright and motivated but many are rich and spoiled, many are unmotivated, many are there because their parents wanted them there and many are driven to the point of exhaustion to get into HYP. Cheating is also a problem. These schools are certainly not all roses and featherbeds. I also agree that there is a snob factor at all schools but it is for varied reasons: we are the smartest little snowflakes in the universe or we are rich etc. @Publisher you give loads of definitive commentary but I thought you were applying to schools as a student?

12

@randomfloridian: When we looked at boarding schools, an important consideration was whether or not the school had required Saturday morning classes. St. Paul’s & Exeter do have classes on Saturday morning. Andover does not have Saturday classes. It would be very tough to engage in the use of alcohol or drugs & not be detected by a teacher or housemaster–especially at SPS because it is 100% boarding.

The St. Paul’s era of the ultra wealthy has passed to a large extent due to the goal of 39% to 40% receiving financial aid. In any event, no one flaunts their wealth at SPS. (The issue of wealth & status has been discussed as a concern by parents & students at another elite boarding school–but not at St. Paul’s, unless, of course, you subscribe to the tabloid like magazine Vanity Fair.

@randomfloridian: Did you apply to other boarding schools ?

13

Exeter has one Saturday class every 4 weeks or so. It is a non issue. 100% boarding doesn’t spare a school from drugs, alcohol or any other issue.

14

SPS has Saturday classes each Saturday–unless the switch to the now 6 Schools League (Andover, Exeter, Choate, NMH, Deerfield & St. Paul’s) has affected scheduling to accommodate sports events.

15

FWIW- I’d steer clear of outdated BS stereotypes going in - times and attitudes have changed a lot since the glory days of Biff and Muffy. Yes, you will encounter extremely wealthy families at all BSs… But I think you’ll find that most kids are aware and very grounded …and most will gladly give anyone the pink shirt off their back. Never judge a book by its cover- because you can potentially miss out on some wonderful long-lasting friendships simply by relying on the wrong assumption… regardless of means or background- and that goes both ways .

Of course you’ll still find a few insufferable kids at BS and they’ll go out of their way to flaunt it , but seriously: who cares? Most of their peers will accept it ( with a friendly eye roll and a sigh ), walk past it, or just chalk it up to their parents failing them in someway along the way … but seriously- no one I know cares.

It is what it is.

That said, I truly appreciate how hard it is to capture culture at any one school when all you have is a snapshot . It’s all very subjective, too- even with much more information . If you’re accepted- go to the revisit day(s) and pay very close attention to what your heart and head tells you . Visit all their social media accounts, pour over the student newspaper or magazine, and look at YouTube videos ( school approved and not approved- if they’re not taken down yet :wink: ), too.

Aside from that:

Your acceptance will tell you that they think you’ll fit in and can do the work. Check those boxes- you’re good to go in their eyes and that’s off your plate. Yay- right? That will free you up to concentrate on what’s really important… stuff like :

Imagine yourself living on that campus ( away from home ) for four long*** years. Look around… take in the view ( more important than you think! ) … walk through the dorms, academic/ art buildings, library and dining hall. Take your time… take it all in. Know that the food you will eat on revisit day is a step up from what you’ll likely have on regular basis- and adjust those expectations now . If there’s a team you’d like to join- visit the athletic center, go to a game, and observe the coaches, sportsmanship and work ethic of the players. Ask about on campus clubs and off campus weekend activities that matter or interest you - which is really important if you can’t get home regularly- or at all until breaks . Look at where you’ll likely be living on campus next fall and where you’ll be showering every morning and again before dinner … Have lunch and talk to students about overall quality of life… Don’t be shy. Ask them what their schedule is like and if there are fun activities on the weekends and listen carefully when the floodgates open. :wink:

Before heading home- make sure that you and your family build in time to visit and walk around the town… take it all in!

Can you picture yourself there? Does it feel like it can be a home away from home? Can you live with the things you don’t like?

Yes, you will sit in on classes during revisit day…and you’ll have an opportunity to talk to teachers but academics is only a piece and it’s not something you really need to worry about a lot on Revisit Day… it’s there. Believe me: That piece is THERE.

In other words- be discerning about the stuff that really counts … the day in- day out stuff that will hopefully offset the grind and inevitable challenges down the road … because in order to succeed in a very rigorous- competitive academic environment- or any BS environment for that matter , you really need to prioritize and think about personal comfort and happiness FIRST. I can’t stress that enough.

Your overall success will depend it- and as simple as it sounds: You’ll know it when you see it and feel it.

Just my two cents. :slight_smile: Good luck!

16

You had me at “pink shirt off their back”…

17

“It would be very tough to engage in the use of alcohol or drugs & not be detected by a teacher or housemaster–especially at SPS because it is 100% boarding.”

False. Kids do get caught but it sure as heck isn’t all of them. Not that it is unique to SPS. I’d say the same about all the schools, but I can speak with personal knowledge of SPS. The kids going to the schools mentioned here are no dummies. Some do get caught but some are very good at a range of tricks and techniques to avoid detection. You’d be impressed. :slight_smile: On top of that, not all faculty/staff are good at detecting or even want to be good at it. There is a definite risk of getting caught, and therefore I’d argue it is foolish to engage in the partaking of alcohol and drugs given the stakes, but teens will be teens and some will do it and a fair number of those will get away with it. That is just reality regardless of the school being discussed.

“The St. Paul’s era of the ultra wealthy has passed to a large extent due to the goal of 39% to 40% receiving financial aid. In any event, no one flaunts their wealth at SPS.”

Yes, the SPS of today is much more diverse than the old SPS, including socioeconomic diversity. But, there will definitely be those who flaunt their wealth. Thankfully, it is a minority. Some aren’t flaunting it as much as just being who they are - they come from money, money buys nice things, they wear nice things. Based on experience dealing with both the students and their parents, the wealthiest are not the issue. They are often very gracious and are confident in their wealth and rarely see little reason to flaunt it. Many are much more down to earth than you’d expect. The worst are those a step or two down, IMO, what I call the wannabes, the strivers who put on airs and think social climbing is important and who do judge on material possessions. If you meet the parents, you know why the kids are the way they are. Again, it is a small percentage and as @PhotographerMom states, the rest of the student body pretty much reacts with an eye roll and ignores them. Some of these outgrow it with time. Some don’t. Living in community 24/7 helps by serving as an equalizer. People see you at your best and your worst when spending so much time together and the majority will judge you on your character, how you conduct yourself, and your accomplishments - not on daddy’s and mommy’s investment portfolio.

18

My child reports being stressed and tired, but happy.

The workload is heavy, the expectations are high, and the student body is filled with kids who have been, and enjoy being, at or very near the top of the academic food chain at their prior school. Kids often have a passion in an area that motivates them to push beyond what even the rigorous curriculum requires, and these kids may be “extra” in certain classes, clubs, etc. just because they really want to learn or do something particularly well, or because they just want to test themselves. And I’m sure that, as some here have explained, some of these kids are motivated in large part by the HYPS chase or by significant parental pressure. As a current parent, I go out of my way to de-emphasize the importance of grades, but I fear my comments are falling on deaf ears. I will nonetheless continue to repeat my mantra.

My child is tired not solely from the workload but also from the desire to not miss out of anything of interest. My child places great value on having sufficient quality time with friends, and I often witness my child and others laughing and engaging in varied levels of ridiculousness when I call. And I know my child is involved in multiple clubs and is looking forward to being involved in others as well. When push comes to shove, the need to complete homework, projects, etc. will win out over other activities, but my kid is willing to endure a significant amount of added stress to squeeze in as much as possible.

Someone in another thread asked if kids at my child’s school are “stressed and unhappy,” and my child’s reaction was a pretty emphatic no. My child felt that most kids–including the overworked 11th grade kids with whom my child has classes–were tired, stressed, and happy.

At bottom, I’ve confirmed that with my child multiple times that, notwithstanding the stress, my child does not want to be anywhere else. The opportunity to be surrounded by smart, motivated kids from all over the country, and from many parts of the world, has a pull that is too strong for my child to resist.

19

@CaliPops Well said.
While some kids will be stressed in any environment. Others will create their own balance between classes and social context. So many talented kids in one place makes for some interesting results.

20

If I end up going to a boarding school like one of the three listed, I’m afraid I might miss out on living my childhood, and being a teenager in general. Do students usually miss out on it all, or are there things to help them live the high school experience?